'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.
****************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
******************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of Chardonnay.'
********************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
22 comments:
Thanks for a good cheerup Ak!
With yet another snowfall on top of numerous other snowfalls I really needed cheering up and you managed it with these funnies. I'm still laughing. Bless you.
Ho, ho. All good but I really like the Polish one.
I love your jokes Pearl - always make me laugh! Check out my blog - today's nativity - so good!
Bwhahahahhahahahahaa!
OMG, these are HYSTERICAL!
Loved them all, but the "I'm so tired of Chardonnay" made me HOWL!
Just what I needed before heading into work!
Thanks for the great laughs, m'dear!
Enjoy your day...X
oh good ones today honey! very good!
smiles, bee
xoxoxoxooxox
I'm one of these people who never laughs at jokes. But these made me laugh.
::::rimshot::::
OMG you made my day. I love the polish one and the last one...I'd be running for the hills as well LOL Mele Kalikimaka to you and your family :)
Ho ho ho, and a bottle of gono rum...
I like the polish too; And I used to leave grandma a lot for golf, without first tying her up of course...
Another one that made me LOL, Akelamalu. Thanks!
Thanks for the laughs! I appreciate those jokes
Run, Herman, run!
Great laughs - thank you for sharing! What with the annual Christmas stress, they came in quite handy!
You are an angel of mercy and mirth!
Aloha from Hawaii
Comfort Spiral
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Thank you for all the fun you bring into my life. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That was funny!
Have a great Christmas.
Maggie X
Nuts in May
All were great but I liked the army joke the best!
You're welcome Flowerpot x
My pleasure Valerie x
I liked that one too Dumdad :)
Glad you enjoyed them Denise x
A good laugh before you go to work sets you up for the day doesn't it Ron? :)
Thanks Bee so pleased you enjoyed them. x
Well I feel honoured to have made you laugh Gaelikaa :)
:) Daryl
I'm happy to have made you smile Thom x
I'm glad to hear you didn't tie Grandma up before going to golf Grandpa :0
You're welcome Nick
Laughter is a great stress buster Linda x
Why thankyou Cloudia x
Absolutely my pleasure Dave x
You have a great Christmas too Maggie x
So pleased you enjoyed them Beach Bum :)
Laughing now! Thanks and Merry Christmas :-)
these were good ones!!
love the Polish one
Merry Merry Lady
Hope sends hugs
I think I know someone called Czyrptskbv too!
Yep and going golfing: clever boy!
If I haven't said so before: here's wishing you a very merry one indeed and a SUPERIOR 2011!
WITH LOTS OF LOVE
GLEDS
XX
ha ha ha really nice
regards
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