Monday 29 September 2008

Excuse me……

Are good manners a thing of the past?

I work in a senior school and I have to say I have, sadly, found that a large number of children in my school are lacking in even basic manners. There’s no holding doors open and allowing an adult through first, hell they don’t even hold the door open so you can follow them through! ‘Excuse me’ isn’t in their vocabulary, they just push past and look at you as though you’re stupid if you admonish them. I find myself saying “what’s the magic word?” when they ask for something because they never say please. They seem to think it’s OK to ‘Eff and blind’ in your hearing and they look at you with distain if you say you don’t like it. I know a lot of children complain that some adults don’t say thankyou if they hold a door for them, which is unforgivable, but I was always taught just because someone else doesn’t have good manners is no reason for you to let yours slip!

I always say please and thank you and I expect other people to do the same – is that so wrong? I brought my boys up to have good manners, to give up their seats on a bus for an adult, open doors, be courteous, but it seems these days they are in a minority in doing these things.

I know some argue that in these days of Women’s Lib it is an insult to have a man open a door or give up a seat for a woman but I just don’t see it that way. I see it like

Man opens a door for Lady. Lady says...

"I hope you didn't open that door for me because I'm a Lady?"
Man replies...
"No, I opened it because I am a Gentleman".

How do you see it?


Just a reminder.....

Mimi (Mimi Writes) is launching another Blogblast for Peace on 6th November 2008.   If you haven't joined in before, please join in this one.   It's easy, just visit here and follow the instructions to get your Peace Globe, which you can dress up however you like and then we all post on the same day (6th November 2008) with the post title of Dona Nobis Pacem.   You can also get a cool widget for your sidebar like the countdown one on mine, though there's plenty more to choose from if you don't want that one.

Go on, you know you want to join in the Peace Globe Movement.

Saturday 27 September 2008

Saturday Wordzzle # 32

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either, both or a megawordzzle using all the words, or even all three, it's up to you, you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven. If you join in go to Raven's and put your name on the Mr. Linky so other participants can come visit you.

Here are my efforts - complete with my doodles.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge is: exacerbate, leotard, path, tomato, Jungle Book, vagabond, parade, limber, storage, Maharajah

Susie had been charged with decorating the neighbourhood float for the Lord Mayor’s parade, so she enlisted some help and recovered it from the storage warehouse. This year the theme was Jungle Book. Susie had persuaded the girls from her bellydancing class to take part by performing on the float in front of her hubby, who she’d talked into dressing up as a Maharajah. He wasn’t too keen about wearing the tomato coloured leotard under the robe she’d fashioned for him out of an old curtain, but he was certainly looking forward to watching the bellydancers limber up. Susie’s son, Mikey, had been enlisted to play Mowgli and her brother agreed to dress up in the bear suit as Baloo.

Everything was going perfectly on the day of the parade, the float looked superb, even if Susie did say so herself. The crowds were out in force clapping and cheering, and everyone was having a great time until a vagabond shot out from the crowd into the path of the float causing the driver to slam on his brakes. Balou, Mowgli, Maharajah and the belly dancers all ended up in a jumbled heap and just to exacerbate matters all this happened in front of the Lord Mayor’s podium!

And for the Mini Challenge: crocodile, special, sleep, droll, turn around

Joe had been the club’s concert secretary for many years and was losing sleep about the diminishing numbers of guests. He had to do something to turn around the fortunes of the club. He had to find a special act to bring back the punters. First thing Monday morning Joe starting ringing round the agents to find out what they had, two days later he’d booked an act that he hoped would change everything, a droll comedian who finished his act by having baby crocodiles clinging to each of his toes by their teeth whilst he sang ‘Crocodile Shoes’.


Maisie picked up her crocodile handbag and limped painfully to her car. She was on her way to see the doctor hoping he would be able to offer her some form of relief for the back injury she had sustained at the gym, which seemed to be exacerbated by lack of sleep.

Her face went as red as a tomato every time she thought about what had happened. It had been her first time at the gym, she’d bought all the right attire – leotard, gym shoes, headband etc, which would all be going into storage now. Oh the embarrassment!

She’d been persuaded to go to the gym by Patsy, her friend, after a night out at a local restaurant, The Maharajah. Patsy had commented that they both needed to lose weight and an added bonus to joining the gym were all the fit, eligible blokes that frequented the place. Maisie wasn’t too sure, until Patsy pointed out that their favourite waiter, Carlos, who happened to look like a grown up version of Mowgli out of Jungle Book, frequented the place. That was enough to send Maisie to the sports shop on a shopping expedition, she desperately wanted a date with Carlos.

Maisie watched Patsy parade round the gym in her new gear, wearing a path in the wooden floor in front of the personal trainer who had been assigned to them. As he showed them how to limber up Maisie couldn’t take her eyes of his buns, they were really something special. Patsy started laughing telling Maisie to wipe her mouth as she was drooling.

“Ha, ha, very droll” Maisie told Patsy.

They started off on the treadmill, gently at first, increasing the speed as they got used to it. Maisie was starting to enjoy herself and was working up a ‘gentle glow’. Suddenly all hell seemed to break loose, somehow a little vagabond dog had got into the gym and was running round like a mad thing barking. That’s when it happened.

The barking of the dog and the shouts from the staff made Maisie turn around to see what was going on. Losing her rhythm her feet shot backwards, luckily she was holding onto the bars at either side but this meant she was draped along the base unable to turn off the damned machine. Frantically trying to regain her footing Maisie let go of the bars and shot of the end of the belt and landed in a heap with arms and legs akimbo, only to find, as she looked up,  herself looking into the dark brown eyes of Carlos from the restaurant.

“Oh bugger” thought Maisie “of all the people to have seen what happened, it had to be him!”

Rushing to her side Patsy helped her up and ushered her into the changing room. Maisie was mortified, how would she ever face Carlos again now? She’d never get a date with him after this, she complained to Patsy.

Patsy burst out laughing.

“You were never going to get a date with him anyway” she told Maisie “he’s gay!”

Friday 26 September 2008

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 45 Jungle


He crawled labouriously across the muddy ground trying desperately not to leave a trail

The enemy zoomed round the sky in search of him.

If they spotted him he would be dead meat.

Surrounded by lush vegetation, he desperately tried to avoid the traps they'd set to destoy him.

Why don't gardeners like us slugs?

Dad's battle with the snail inspired this one.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 24 September 2008

A to F.....

Suburbia (Moments from Suburbia) tagged me for this short meme and it doesn't take all night so I'll give it a go.  I hope my tagees will play along and anyone else who would care to have a go.

So here are the instructions:
Copy/paste, type in your answers and tag four people in your lists! Don't forget to change my answers to the questions with that of your own.

(A) Four places I go over and over: Work, Shopping, Home and the pub.

(B) Four people who e-mail me regularly:  Friends, other bloggers, facebook and ebay.

(C) Four of my favourite places to eat: Anywhere abroad where it's warm and sunny, my favourite Chinese restaurant, my favourite Indian restaurant and home with MWM.

(D) Four places you'd rather be: Anywhere warm and sunny, playing with my grandchildren, in the company of friends, shopping.

(E) Four TV shows I could watch over and over: The Royle Family, Early Doors, Life on Mars and Heroes.  For those of you who have no idea what these TV shows are I've added links.

(F) Four people I think will respond: Julia (A Piece of My Mind) said she loves memes so I think she will do this one, Ron (Vent) is always up for a laugh, Buffalodick (Opinions & Rectums) because I always take part in his mini memes so he owes me and Ciara (Ramblings & Whatnot) 'cause she's a good mate! 
Don't you lot let me down now, y'hear. x

Monday 22 September 2008

Snail's Pace..........

My Dad’s had a running battle with a snail!

Recently I went to do his cleaning and noticed a snail trail under his rocking chair. I pointed it out to him and he suggested that a snail had got in whilst he was out in he garden because he’d left the door open. I hoovered the carpet and had a good look round but couldn’t find any snail.

The following day I telephoned him, as I always do, to ask if he was OK and he said

“The snail’s been back again!”

This conversation went on until Saturday, when I went to visit him again, my brothers and I searched the place but couldn’t find any snails.

Saturday and Sunday night, the phantom snail left it’s trail again! By this time my Dad was at breaking point, he hadn’t been sleeping properly getting up practically every hour to try to catch the snail. He said

“ I was up at 3 a.m. and there was no sign of it, but at 4 a.m. it had been and gone!”

I know I shouldn’t laugh but I couldn’t help it.

Dad had a plan.

On Sunday night he put newspaper down, covered in slug pellets, in the small area favoured by the snail and went to bed determined not to get up during the night – he was knackered, he needed sleep.

Monday morning bright and early Dad rushed into his lounge and there on the paper was the snail – dead! Success!! However, the snail must have decided it wouldn’t die in vain, it had deviated from it’s usual route and done a tour of the whole of Dad’s lounge, everywhere was covered in snail trail! Dad said

“The little bugger must have crawled over the pellets then decided to get it’s own back when it knew it was dying. I wouldn’t mind but it was only a little one!”

Dad’s sleeping peacefully again now

Saturday 20 September 2008

Saturday Wordzzle # 31

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either, both or a megawordzzle using all the words, or even all three, it's up to you, you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven. If you join in go to Raven's and put your name on the Mr. Linky so other participants can come visit you.

Here are my efforts - complete with my doodles.

Words for this week's 10-word challenge: budget, news, outer space, gargantuan, brass band, Purple Rose of Cairo, polar bears, insight, innovations, mute

The ‘Innovations Brass Band’ were practising the new tune ‘The Purple Rose of Cairo’ at the community hall when Alfie, the mute, came rushing in. He was in a heightened state of excitement and was trying to convey something to them by sign language. Unfortunately none of them could understand sign language and without that insight they were at a loss as to what had happened that had excited him so. The resulting fiasco resembled a game of charades with members of the band taking wild guesses as to what poor Alfie was trying to tell them. The guesses included things like the budget bargains shop had gone out of business, gargantuan polar bears were rampaging through the streets and news reports of messages being received from outer space! What poor Alfie was trying to tell them was that tea and buns were ready in the kitchen.

And for the mini challenge: investments, purring, death penalty, mercury, convalescent home

Mrs Mercury, the owner of the convalescent home, shooed away the purring cat. She was busy checking on her investments, which weren’t doing very well at the moment. In fact her accountant had put a big black cross against a couple of them, which meant a death penalty on them they were doing so badly. Things were looking bad, there was no alternative, she’d have to ‘persuade’ a couple of her richer residents to change their wills in her favour again.


Howard sat staring at the TV as he recovered from the operation, he didn’t suppose there would be any chance of being sent to a convalescent home. The news was on the TV and he watched the report on the plight of polar bears, who would soon be extinct because of global warming and another that the latest probe sent into outer space had discovered a moon orbiting Mercury.

The chap in the next bed was telling him about his investments and budgets, Howard doubted he actually knew what he was talking about but it was nice to have company for a change. On the other side of him was a man with a gargantuan lump on his head. Howard had asked him what had happened but it turned out the man was a mute so that conversation was a non-starter. He had been in the hospital for five days now and had thoroughly enjoyed getting to know his fellow patients and getting an insight into their lives, which were so different from his own.

He was due to leave hospital today. He checked the TV pages in the paper noticing that there was a film on later, “The Purple Rose of Cairo”, and his favourite programme, Tomorrow’s World, which tested new innovations, so at least he’d have something to watch when he got back, though he’d miss the company he’d had in hospital.

Lying back on his pillows with the thermometer under his tongue, Howard felt sad. As he listened to the sounds of the ward; the clatter of the tea trolley, the gentle snoring of the old man across the way which reminded him of a purring cat, the swishing sound of what he imagined to be nylon stockings rubbing together as the nurses walked up and down the ward, he sighed. The sound of a brass band in the hospital grounds permeated through the open window. Oh yes, he was definitely going to miss all this.

“Are you ready Howard? I’ve come to take you back” said a voice.

“Yes, I’m ready” replied Howard miserably.

All he had to look forward to now was sitting in his solitary cell awaiting the death penalty for murder.

Friday 19 September 2008

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 44 Star Of The Show...

Star Of The Show

It was her big chance to prove she had what it takes.

Singing her heart out she revelled in the applause.

Although there was a standing ovation, she was sad.

Standing in the wings she watched as the star of the show bowed to the audience,

taking credit for miming to the voice of another.

My post about singing in public inspired this 55, not that I did that of course!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 17 September 2008

sInGiNg iN pUbLiC......

Recently I saw a question on someone's blog - "Have you ever sung in public?"

I was always in the school choir when I was young, so I did so frequently, but the question brought to mind one particular time when I had to sing solo in front of the whole school and students' parents.

I was eight years old, I was at junior school and I was crowned Rose Queen.

I was so proud! It was a great honour to be chosen to be Rose Queen, an annual event held in May. I got to wear the Rose Queen Crown, a pink taffeta dress covered in lace and decorated with rosebuds, a satin train embroidered with seed pearls and carry a bouquet of roses. Parents had to provide the dress, everything else was provided by school. Luckily I had recently been a bridesmaid at a family wedding so the dress I'd worn for that was just perfect and of course I had shoes to match.

I had weeks of rehearsals when my four attendants, two page boys and I practised walking along the red carpet to the dias where I was to be crowned. The page boys scattered rose petals in front of me whilst my attendants carried my train. I had to learn the traditional song and a speech, both of which I had to deliver at the closing of the crowning ceremony - I can't remember either of them now but it was a loooooong time ago!

Mum was there to see me (Dad had to work) and as far as I can remember everything went perfectly. The following year I had hand my crown over to the new Rose Queen, so of course I got another fancy dress but thankfully I didn't have to sing solo.

Have you every sung solo in front of an audience?

Monday 15 September 2008

Portrait of Words #1

Jeff (A Word in Edgewise) has started up this monthly challenge, derived from a previous challenge from R.E.H.'s "Picture Fiction Challenge".

Each month Jeff gives FOUR pictures which represent THE CATEGORIES and THREE pictures which represent THE WILD CARDS.

The object is to:
Write a story of any length or style. Long or short, comedy or tragedy, fact or fiction, etc,etc... it's up to you.
Use each of the picture representations in your story. (one from the wild card options)

Here are the guidelines:


Main Character(s): Your story can be told through or about this person(s), i.e. first or third person. Either way you go, their involvement in the story should be a focal point. Have as many or as few additional characters as you wish, but at least one of the ones pictured should be central to the overall story.

Backdrop: This will create the setting for your story. It can take place at the location depicted, be a destination to it, or be a journey from it.
Purpose: This is what drives or motivates the main character(s) to action. It can also be viewed as the objective of the story.

Purpose: This is what drives or motivates the main character(s) to action. It can also be viewed as the objective of the story.

Item(s): The object(s) should have a significant value to the main character, backdrop or purpose of the story.

Wild Card: Writers choice here. Choose one of the three options to use in your story anyway you see fit.

Here are the portraits for the basis of the story.

Here's my story:

Carrying his bag containing his photographic equipment, Julian boarded the plane from Glasgow to Heathrow. He had been hired to do a photo shoot for a magazine at Hampton Court Palace and was really looking forward to it.

“Kings Arms Hotel, Hampton Court Road” Julian told the driver of the taxi he hailed at Heathrow.

He’d booked the hotel by email a few days before, for two nights, the shoot would only take day but he’d arrive the day before and would leave the morning after. The hotel was reasonably priced for a hotel in such a location but Julian was glad it was only for a couple of days, as a musician he didn’t earn much which was why he’d been glad of the opportunity to do the photo shoot, unfortunately he wouldn’t get paid for it until it was over. Music was his first love but he was a damned good photographer too and it was this talent that paid the bills and enabled him to take lesser paid music jobs.

Checking into the hotel Julian asked if there were any messages for him, the clerk handed him a note.

“9.00 a.m. tomorrow at the Clock Court. Show this pass at the entrance to the Palace” informed the note.

“Ah, not too early a start” thought Julian as he made his way to his room.

Peering round the dining room Julian was surprised to discover it full. There was just one seat empty at a table for two, the other seat being occupied by a rather pretty, blonde young woman.

“Excuse me, would you mind?” asked Julian touching the back of the vacant seat.

“Not at all, please help yourself” said the woman who was not just pretty but stunning close-up.

During dinner Julian discovered that both he and Cathy, his dining companion, were actually on the same shoot, she was one of the models. She was excited about the shoot because she said she felt an affinity with Hampton Court; she just wished she was modelling the clothes of the era of the surroundings instead of the fashion of today. After dinner they sat in the hotel lounge with their brandies, talking as though they’d known each other forever, Cathy told how she still lived with her parents in Galloway where her father bred shire horses,

“Amazing” said Julian “I’m living in Glasgow” and proceeded to tell her about the orchestras he’d played with and how money from his photography enabled him to pursue his love of music.

Next morning they met in the foyer, having agreed to walk to the Palace together, it being only a cock-stride away. The other models and the people from the magazine were waiting for them as they reached Clock Court and led the way into the Palace and the gallery they were using for the shoot. Julian set up his tripod and camera and made a start as the models took it in turns to pose against the gallery windows.

Peering through the telephoto lens Julian was amazed to see Cathy entering the gallery wearing Tudor dress. She looked stunning and he reeled off half a roll of film before looking up to speak to her. As he looked up he saw Cathy disappear only to reappear a few seconds later wearing a modern dress, which left nothing to the imagination – she looked amazing whatever she wore. After the shoot they were allowed to join a tour of the Palace and the grounds. Cathy bought a catalogue and souvenirs, she promised to lend the catalogue to Julian when she’d finished with it as he was interested in the photos. At dinner that evening Julian secured Cathy’s telephone number, promising to cook her dinner when they got home, “You can bring the catalogue” he said.

As soon as Julian arrived home he was in the dark room processing the films, which he sent off to the magazine for approval. Of course he kept the negatives until they had been approved and he had printed duplicates of the ones of Cathy in the Tudor dress to show her when she came for dinner, he thought she’d like copies being so interested in the period and place.

A few weeks later Cathy arrived at his flat for the dinner he’d promised her. The shoot had been a success, his photographs had been accepted and more importantly he’d been paid. He’d splashed out on champagne and the best ingredients for dinner to impress Cathy, and she was impressed. They talked late into the evening and Cathy complimented him on the photographs he’d taken of her at Hampton Court which the magazine had shown her.

“The one of you in Tudor dress was my favourite, in fact I printed off a couple for you to keep.” Julian passed the prints to Cathy whose face was blank as she flicked through them.

“I haven’t seen these” she said.

“Don’t you like them?” asked Julian

“They’re lovely but they’re not me” replied Cathy.

She reached for the Hampton Court catalogue she’d brought with her and flipped through it. Picking up one of the prints she put it against one of the portraits in the catalogue.

“Your photograph looks remarkably like Catherine Howard, Henry VIII’s fifth wife!    You do know that was the Haunted Gallery where we did the shoot don’t you?” Cathy asked Julian.

I hope you liked my effort.   Do go over to Jeff's and click on Mr. Linky to read the other entries.

Saturday 13 September 2008

Saturday Wordzzle # 30

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either, both or a megawordzzle using all the words, or even all three, it's up to you, you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven. If you join in go to Raven's and put your name on the Mr. Linky so other participants can come visit you.

Here are my efforts - complete with my doodles.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge is: spam, problematic, flower girl, splurge, milk, orphanage, lyrics, politics, ice cream cone

Mike was sick of office politics, spam on his computer and memos so full of shit they read like lyrics for a Country and Western song. His job at the orphanage was more problematic than he could stand. He picked up his jacket and walked out of the office intending to go the milk bar and splurge out on an ice cream cone, he liked the girl who worked on the counter there, his little ‘flower girl’ he called her, she was so pretty. After the ice-cream and a chat he felt much better, of course he always knew he would return to his desk, he couldn’t afford to give up his job and anyway he cared too much about the kids to just walk away.

And for the Mini Challenge: drag race, poppy seed, swinging from a star, John Denver, diagram

John Denver, the drag race driver, was designing a new car. The diagram he’d been working on sat in front of him littered with poppy seeds from the bun he’d just eaten for his lunch. It was his dream car and if he got it right it would be the greatest drag car on the circuit, he’d be so famous, it would be like swinging on a star!


Little Poppy Seed’s father had died in a drag race before she was born, her mother had told her.   Then, when Poppy was six, her mother had followed him and when the authorities couldn’t trace any relatives she had been sent to the orphanage.

Things weren’t too bad at the orphanage, the staff were kind and the food was good. Poppy’s favourite food was Spam, which she loved fried with a fried egg on top, there was always plenty of milk to drink and sometimes they even had a splurge and bought the children an ice-cream cone.  Poppy’s prize possessions were a little glass angel swinging from a star and her John Denver record collection, which had belonged to her mother.

Poppy had been at the home for four years, she wasn’t a problematic child, in fact she was very popular with all the staff and other children, so much so that Amanda, one of her carers, asked Poppy to be a flower girl at her wedding. Of course she had to overcome the politics and petty rules but eventually she got permission from the authorities and Poppy was allowed to play her part at Amanda’s wedding. They became firm friends and spent many hours together listening to Poppy’s John Denver records.

One day, when Poppy and Amanda were sitting enjoying the music, Amanda found a sheet of paper in one of the record sleeves. On one side was written the lyrics to ‘Annie’s Song’ and on the back was a diagram.

“May I borrow this Poppy?” asked Amanda

“If you like” replied Poppy, “but you will bring it back won’t you?”

“Of course I will, I’ll take great care of it” said Amanda

Once Amanda was off duty she took the sheet of paper home and showed her husband.

“Do you think there could be a connection?” she asked him

“I don’t know, but that diagram looks like a family tree to me and Poppy’s mother was called Annie wasn’t she...........?”

Friday 12 September 2008

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #43 Leave me Alone

Leave Me Alone

The door creaked open and he sneaked in quietly.

She froze as the hand snaked it's way underneath her.

She hated the daily interference, his cold, invading hand.

She wasn't the only one though, he targeted her sisters too.

Why couldn't he leave them alone?

All they wanted was

to hatch their eggs in peace.

This 55 was inspired by my post on Monday about my son's hens.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

The answer to the Conundrum on my last post is the men paid £25 for the room between them, got £3 back between them and gave the bellboy £2 therefore £25 + £3 + £2 = £30.    It's the way it's told that makes it a conundrum, like when you count on your fingers 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, + five on the other hand = 11.

Wednesday 10 September 2008

Million Dollars......

See that super award above?

I received that from Storyteller at Small Reflections.     Isn't it fun?   Thankyou Storyteller, I'm honoured.

Now this award comes with rules, see below.

1. Only five people allowed.

2. Four have to be dedicated followers of your blog.

3. One has to be someone new or recently new to your blog and live in another part of the world.

4. You must link back to whoever gave you the award.

Righty oh, so using the rules I would like to bestow the award on the following people.

Ron (Vent)
Buffalodickdy (Opinions and Rectums)
and a fairly new (but treasured) reader to my blog

Storyteller also gave me another award on her other blog Sacred Ruminations, she thinks I'm brainy!  Yes honestly she does 'cause she gave me this

There's rules again for this 'un as follows

Now do you know some Brainy Bloggers? Pass it on to them:
Think of at least 5 bloggers that you believe to be “Brainy Bloggers”
Post it on your blog for all to see! Let them know you’ve awarded them by email, twitter, etc or via a comment on their blog!
Share some linky love and link back to both the person who awarded you and back to
Go back to the Brainy Blog Headquarters to sign Mr. Linky and then pass it on!

I believe all my blog pals are brainy so it's going to be really difficult to choose just five, so would the first five commenters on this post please take the award with my blessing and pass it on.

Thank you so much Storyteller for both the awards, I'm honoured and I will try to live up to them both.

And now for


Three men needed to hire a hotel room.

The manager told them that it would cots £30 so each of the men handed over £10 and went up to the room.

Later, the manager realised that he should have only charged £25 for the room. He called over a bellboy, gave him five one pound coins and told him to take it up to the men.

When the bell boy knocked at the room door, one of the men opened the door and the boy explained what had happened and handed over the £5. The man, realising that he could not easily divide the £5 between the three of them gave each of the men £1 and the bell boy the remaining £2 as a tip.

Now this meant that each of the men had paid only £9 for the room making a total of £27. Add to that the £2 tip to the bell boy and you have £29.

What happened to the remaining £1 from the original £30?

Monday 8 September 2008

Chick, chick, chick,chick, chicken.......

lay a little egg for me!

Eldest son, in his boredom of having a broken leg and nothing to do, has bought three chickens hoping to become self sufficient in new laid, organic eggs.

He purchased a henhouse and run, plus three hens, which were delivered last week.   However the henhouse is only about a metre square and the run wasn't much bigger so he built a nesting box and enlisted the help of his BIL (on promise of free eggs) to build a proper home for the hens.  

When the neighbours saw the new henhouse they wanted to know if it was an extension to the house - ha ha very funny!

The children have each adopted a chicken.   Sam's is called Clucky, Harry's is called Bob, we told him they were all girls but he insisted he wanted to call her Bob, and Gracie's is called Dora.

None of the children have held the chickens yet, that pleasure is left to their Mum, who also has to clean them out, but the children like feeding the chickens through the wire mesh.

Here's the family watching the children enjoying the new additions.
Latest news:  Son has had plaster off his leg and can now try walking on it.  The hens have produced 2 small eggs!

Saturday 6 September 2008

Saturday Wordzzle # 29

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either, both or a megawordzzle using all the words, or even all three, it's up to you, you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven. If you join in go to Raven's and put your name on the Mr. Linky so other participants can come visit you.

Here are my efforts - complete with my doodles.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge is: invincible, falling leaves, two-year-old, fusion, grizzly bear, Jamaica, delivery, popsicle stick, caviar, lap-top

Jane’s two year old, Amy, was like a grizzly bear today. Jane had tried bribing her and it worked for a while, but now Amy was crying again holding the empty popsicle stick aloft. Jane had just taken delivery of her new lap-top and was trying to book a holiday online in Jamaica, as a surprise for her husband, Marvin The Invincible, a DJ who played fusion music in the nightclub ‘Falling Leaves’. Nibbling on a biscuit piled high with caviar, Jane decided to abandon the search for a holiday and take Amy to the park to shut her up.

And for the Mini Challenge: toad stool, liquid lunch, counting sheep, manacles, Jurassic Park

Bronto Sauras sat on the giant toad stool in Jurrasic Park. He was counting sheep and trying not to think about not being able to eat them because he was in manacles and couldn't reach them. He was making do with a liquid lunch of frog spawn today.


Jamaica Fusion, the famous palaeontologist, was enjoying a liquid lunch when the call came. This was the invitation he’d been waiting for, a chance to excavate the prehistoric remains that had been discovered in British Columbia, home of the Grizzly Bear.

Sitting on the plane he booted up his lap-top, he didn't want to watch the movie that was showing, Jurassic Park was just a load of crap as far as he was concerned. He perused the information he’d been sent online, the find looked fascinating, he couldn’t wait to get started. There was just him and a woman in a seat across the aisle in business class, but thankfully she was counting sheep so he was able to work quietly. The woman stirred as delivery of the in-flight meal was imminent and he placed his lap top on the next seat.

The lunch was a gourmet meal, as he was travelling business class, caviar, filet mignon, wild mushrooms, seasonal vegetables, followed by tiramisu, cheese and biscuits and of course champagne. During the meal the woman introduced herself as Wynona Cartwright, the mother of a two-year old, travelling to visit her mother who was ill. Jamaica dismissed most of the meal, just managing to eat the cheese and biscuits whilst trying to ignore the woman’s mutterings which were beginning to grate. As the cabin crew cleared away the remnants of the meal he turned to see Wynona trying to pick her teeth with a popsicle stick, minutes later she was out of her seat ripping up her magazine and scattering the pieces about the cabin like falling leaves. He looked on in amazement as she stood on her seat and began to beat her breast calling to him “Me Jane, you Tarzan”. She’s mad, he thought, and promptly pressed the button to summon one of the cabin crew. A stewardess arrived and asked Wynona if she needed anything.

“Of course I don’t need anything” said Wynona “I’m invincible!”

Rushing to the galley the stewardess returned with two other members of the cabin crew and by this time Wynona was heading towards the curtain that separated business class from first class. Grabbing Wynona’s arms the crew steered her back to her seat but she was fighting them like a lioness defending her cubs. They wrestled her to the floor and locked the manacles onto her wrists behind her back, by this time Wynona was foaming at the mouth. Thankfully there was a doctor on board who, after examining Wynona, was able to administer a sedative.

All thoughts of work had disappeared from Jamaica’s mind and he was relieved that it was only a matter of about 30 minutes before they were due to land. The doctor stayed by Wynona’s side, to make sure she didn’t take a turn for the worse, until he handed her over to the paramedics who were waiting on the tarmac.

On his return journey a month later, Jamaica was amazed to see Wynona on the same flight. She looked perfectly normal so he asked

“Hello, do you remember me from the flight out here?”

“Of course, how are you?” she asked

“More to the point, how are you?” said Jamaica “you weren’t very well last time I saw you!”

“Oh, I’m fine now” she told him “turns out the mushrooms on that gourmet meal were in fact magic toad stools!”

Friday 5 September 2008

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #42 Lost


Lying here, abandoned, alone, forlorn, forsaken,

dishevelled, deserted, excluded,

obsolete, isolated, solitary.

Untenanted, unattended, useless, unwanted, unloved.

Wet, worn, destined for the scrapheap,

Never to have a partner again, life over.

How did it come to this?

Please explain how I came to be....

a lost, lone, lacklustre shoe in the middle of the street.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 3 September 2008

The Purse Meme & Awards.........

Mimi Queen of Memes (Mimi Writes) has started this new meme and tagged me. As you may know when you get tagged by Mimi you refuse to do it under pain of being locked in her dungeon. Now I don't like dark places where things like rats etc might lurk so I'm doing the meme - my name's craft not daft!

Here are the rules. Find a safe quiet place free of significant others, nosey meme makers, priests, nuns, all things religious and men in general. (If you're a guy just reverse this process to female and tell us about your wallet, tool box, briefcase or metro sexual accessory.)

1.. Dump the contents of your purse in a pile
2. Take a photo of your purse and the contents
3. Be brave and 'splain to your fellow bloggers what lurks inside the purse.

There is a method to my madness.

I dare you to find a story in the pile.

4. Tag others who might want to embarrass themselves

5. Answer these questions:
Describe the contents of your purse.
What's the most important thing in your purse?
What's the most embarrassing thing in your purse?

What's the smallest thing in your purse?
Is there anything illegal in your purse?

(end of rules)

First off I have to tell Mimi that what she calls a purse is called a handbag here! A purse is something we keep in the handbag containing money and (credit) cards.

So here's my current handbag. I say current because I have a LOT of handbags and I change them frequently.

and here are the contents.

Describe the contents of your purse.
You will see my cheque book, my purse (the thing with the money in, but there's not much money in there ever!), my new Kangol sunglasses and case, three pens, a packet of tissues, my address book, a little mirror that looks like an envelope, emery board, lip liner, lipstick, eyeliner pen, lip plumper, pencil sharpener and mobile phone. No rubbish!

What's the most important thing in your purse?
Ah that's easy. The most important thing in my purse is my purse. Sorry to confuse things but as I already explained a purse is a handbag here. My purse contains my credit cards, money (remember not much) and drivers licence. I always carry my drivers licence, though it's not compulsory here, just in case anyone asks if I'm over 21 so I can prove it. What you sniggering at??

What's the most embarrassing thing in your purse?
Probably some of the text messages on my phone!

What's the smallest thing in your purse?
The pencil sharpener is the smallest thing, but the eyeliner and lip liner will soon be smaller if I keep sharpening them.

Is there anything illegal in your purse?
Oooh no, would I do anything illegal?

Mimi said find a story about something in your purse:

I found three!

The little mirror was bought for me a good few Christmases ago by my son and is engraved on the back - it says

Merry Christmas

All our love

Nick, Ali and Sam

It's one of my most treasured possessions and I use it every day.

You see the black pen, MWM bought me that. It has a little silver heart on it and obviously that's another treasured possesion.

The sunglasses were a bargain, I got them for £9.99 from an offer in a daily newspaper.

My handbag usually contains an umbrella too but it was drying out in the hall at the time I took the photo - I like to be prepared.

Well that's the contents of my handbag, so come on let's see yours

And if any of you GUYS reading want to disclose the contents of your wallet please feel free.


Now for the AWARDS!

I have to tell you I got an award from the lovely Mimi. She passed this on to everyone who joined in her Blogblast for Peace 2008.

If you missed Mimi's post but you joined in her Blogblast for Peace 2008 please take the award.

The lovely Mimi, Sandi (Holding Patterns) and Ciara (Ramblings & Whatnot) also gave me this beauty. 

I'd like to pass this on to some lovely people who have been reading my drivel for a long time, in alphabetical order so as not to upset anyone:

Bee, Bella, CatchCG, Linda, Marmie, Miss Understood, Queenie,

Apart from the friendship award above, Ciara (Ramblings and Whatnot) passed the following award on to me personally as well.   She passed on a whole lot more to all her readers, which I have taken and keep in my heart.   These two were quite specific though.

She gave this one to her 'Flash 55 Fiction' blogging buddies.   It's better than an Oscar!  

Ciara didn't say anything about passing it on but I'm going to pass it on to fellow WORDZZLERS because I think you all deserve an Oscar.   So take a walk up the red carpet

Raven, Dianne, Mommywizdom, smm, Jeff, Jay Simser, Carletta, Rich, Diva Jood, Jay (Cynical Bastard), Kimmie, Clarence, Kim, Melli,

I hope I've not missed anyone off but if I have please let me know and you'll be on there in a flash!

Thankyou to Mimi, Sandi and Ciara for thinking me worthy of these prestigious awards, I'm honoured. x