Thursday, 31 May 2007
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on .. . . . .. . . . .
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
However there is a petition to the Government that requests
We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to immediately and retrospectively give all Gurkha servicemen and their immediate families past and present british citizenship.
If you are a British citizen or resident you can sign the petition here.
Our Goverment should be totally ashamed!
Wednesday 30th May
Feeling really good, not using the crutch around the house at all now, though I still need it when I go outside.
Tuesday, 29 May 2007
Monday, 28 May 2007
Reminiscent of Brief Encounter with Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson was our day yesterday, which started with a Steam Train ride on The East Lancs Railway from our local station to Ramsbottom. Every May the ELR host a "War Weekend" which is a celebration of all things 1940's. People come from all over the country dressed up in 1940's dress and uniform to enjoy the music and ambience of the era. Of course I'm much too young to remember it but I do love the fashions and music of that time.
This 'young' couple were going up and down the train playing requests on the accordian and singing, and at the same time collecting donations for Cancer Research. The train was full and everyone was singing along to 'It's a Long Way to Tipperary' and 'Roll Out The Barrel'.
When we got to Ramsbottom station it looked like wartime Britain with people dressed in authentic 1940's clothes. and uniforms of every description.
The weather wasn't great, showery and a bit cold, but it didn't deter anyone from enjoying themselves.
We called in a Chip Shop with a little restaurant in the back and had fish, chips and mushy peas and a big mug of tea, then just a short walk to 'The Good Samaritan' pub which was hosting a beer festival.
There were 16 beers on offer with such delilghts as Bikes and Trikes Beer 3.6%, Black Pig Mild 3.6%, No Eye Deer 4%, Bitter & Twisted 3.8%, Nightmare 5%, True Grit 5% and Befuggled 4.2%.
Company B provided music from the 40's (listen here) which promped people to get up to Jitterbug and Jive.
Sunday, 27 May 2007
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, foul language, and violence on my VCR?
I'm with a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
I am a 23 year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
My 40 year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
I was married to Bill for three months, and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
You told some woman, whose husband had lost all interest in sex, to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex, and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Have a great day, I'm going out, see you tomorrow.
Saturday, 26 May 2007
How I started blogging......
How/ why did you get sucked into the blogging whirlpool?
I started blogging after much cajoling by my friend Queenie, who had recently started blogging herself. She insisted it would be a good idea for me to have a blog so we could read each others! Also she knew I would be having a long period of inactivity due to an impending operation. I finally relented and started my blog because I thought it would be a good idea to keep a journal of my recovery after my op. Also I like gossiping!
How long ago did you start?
I started blogging on the 11th February 2007, and apart from the few days I was in hospital having my op and a couple of days afterwards I don't think I've missed a day! How's that for
Who introduced you?
Queenie, but my son had mentioned it to me about 12 months ago and he showed me how to set the blog up. After that I just found my own way round, first visiting Queenie and some people on her blogroll, then just following other links until I found blogs I resonated with and built up my own blogroll.
Who was your very first visitor, and do you both still visit each other?
Queenie was my first visitor, my son posted annonymously, then Annelisa and yes we still visit each other.
How has your blog changed from your first posts, and did you envisage it developing the way it has?
I don't think my blog has changed very much really, except that I have discovered how to do more things like uploading photographs and I've filled my sidebar more. I didn't envisage anything at all, I didn't really think about it, but it has become all consuming at times!
Have you any other blogs and, if so, what is their purpose?
No, I only have one blog at the moment, but I am considering starting another one. My Dad wrote a biography about his mother (my grandmother) a few years ago, which I typed up for him. It's only short and I did send it to a few publishers for him but they weren't interested, so I am contemplating publishing it on a blog because I think it's really good and I would love others to read it.
Now I suppose I should tag someone else how about Gewels, I think she said she's only been tagged once ever. Maybe La Bellina Mammina and Linda would like to tell us their tale too. But only if you want to ladies, and anyone else who fancies it I TAG you too.
Answer the questions
Tag if you want, or leave it open for people to choose to do it or not ...however you feel comfortable.
Leave a comment on this post when you've done the meme,
Link back to this post, so people can see when and why it started
Saturday 25th May
I think the knee fairy has been at work as it has improved a lot over the past couple of days. Yesterday I hardly used my crutch at all, but then I was only inside the house or out in the garden.
Friday, 25 May 2007
Click on photos to enlarge
photographs copyright 2007
I love my Japanese Acers, especially this one in the pot.
Behind the arbour we have two Pontentilla's - one yellow and one white
Also hiding behind the arbour are another two Japanese Acers.
My lovely Lilac tree has finished flowering but it's always in use holding the bird feeder, a cow bell and Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
The song of the birds for mirth
You're closer to God in a garden
Than anywhere else on earth.
How true is that?
Thursday, 24 May 2007
4 jobs I've had
Mail Order Clerk
Hospital and Veterinary Sales Clerk
This is not part of the tag but these are what I would have liked to have been
4 movies I can watch over and over
The Green Mile
Shrek 1 & 2 Looking forward to 3!
Matrix - all of them.
4 places I've lived
I've only lived in one County in the UK - how boring is that? I've travelled a lot though to make up for it!
4 categories of TV programming
4 places I've been on holiday
Quite a lot so I'll list my 4 favourites
4 of my favorite dishes
This is difficult because I like food full stop, so it would be easier to list things I don't like, but I won't.
Fillet Steak - Medium Rare
4 web-sites I visit daily
I probably visit about 50 daily - because I'm not working at the moment, so I'll just list the ones I've been visiting longest.
Queenie's Random Ramblings
Words that Flow
A little Piece of Me
The Southern View
4 places I would rather be right now
Well this has got to be places I really want to visit yeah?
I think I'm supposed to tag someone else so if you fancy having a go - I tag YOU!
And just to get you into shape here's a new exercise routine for you.
You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient.
It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise programme!
NOW SCROLL UP
That's enough for the first day.
Great job .
Have a Chardonnay.
Wednesday, 23 May 2007
Which button do I press?.......
Brother had left written instructions on how to answer the phone but Dad couldn't understand them.
"Don't worry Dad, we'll go through it step by step and you can write down your own instructions" I soothed.
We did and he now has an A4 sheet of instructions of how to turn it on/off, put the key pad lock on/off and answer it!
Just to check that he knew what he was doing I rang him on my mobile phone whilst sitting next to him, I warned him first.
His mobile rang, he picked it up.
"Hello" says I.
Was he taking the michael?
Wednesday 23rd May
Lot more stable, I think the exercises are working.
Monday, 21 May 2007
Dalai Lama says .....
May I become at all times,
There is often a big disparity between the way in which we perceive things and the way things really are.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
There is often a big disparity between the way in which we perceive things and the way things really are.
So the smart brain must be balanced with a warm heart, a good heart - a sense of responsibility, of concern for the well-being of others.
For instance why is the expression "Long in the tooth" used to describe old age?
Apparently, although this expression is mainly used about people it was orginally applied specifically to horses.
As horses get older, their gums recede so although their teeth aren't actually getting longer, they seem to be. Hence "long in the tooth".
There's another expression that arises from this. Since a horse's teeth (or, to be more accurate, gums) are an indication of its age, someone being given a free horse really has no right to start quibbling about its age. From this we get the saying 'never look a gift horse in the mouth'.
Ever wondered how "going off at half-cock" originated?
This came from the 17th century when to fully cock a flintlock musket was to prepare it for firing. The half-cock position was a 'safe' position to which the hammer or cock was drawn to permit access to the priming pan to charge and load the weapon. Pulling the trigger of a flintlock musket at half cock will not fire the weapon. In the heat of the battle, it was easy to forget to fully cock one's musket after loading it and go 'off half-cocked', with the result that nothing would happen.
How about "put one's back up"?
This comes from the action of a cat, which arches its back up when it is angry.
And putting the dampers on?
The analogy is said to be with music, specifically the piano. A damper is a part of a piano which, when applied, presses on the strings and cuts and deadens their sound. Hence hindering and discouraging the progress.
Have you ever "stuck your oar in"?
A shortened version of an expression that can be traced back almost 500 years and may even originate in Latin or Greek: "to have an oar in every man's boat" meant to have a hand in everybody's affairs.
What's your favourite expression? Don't know the meaning, you can look it up here.
Monday 21st May
No worse, no better.
Sunday, 20 May 2007
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.
Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died of this.
During the Renaissance, history began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America whilst cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
One paper was completely empty apart from one sentence.
“ Jesus, Please Help Me.”
Saturday, 19 May 2007
I have been given an Award.......
Here's what Judd wrote about me...
We love when a post totally NAILS it. We appreciate Akelamalu for being a loyal supporter of this blog. We cannot emphasis enough how much we appreciate readers who take the time to comment. The Rising Blogger seeks out original and unique posts. We have all sang the lyrics incorrectly when singing in the car or the shower, but without an audience, does it matter? In Akelamalu’s post of April 27, 2007, she gives us a lot of laughs as folks get the lyrics wrong. In a post titled Kiss the Guy, the mangling of lyrics is hysterical! Yes, we know that this material was culled from the website of a similar name, Kiss the Guy: The Archive of Misheard Lyrics. But not only had we not heard of the site before, but also Akelamalu highlighted it for us. The blog Everything and Nothing is well titled. It is what we call a “variety” blog because it has a bit of everything, and as its title suggest it is a blog about “nothing” as well. Well, nothing that is but a lot of laughs, interesting stories and a great story teller. Congratulations, Akelamalu, you’ve writer today’s Post of the Day.
Do you think I need a new dress, shoes, bag and jewellery now to accept the award?
Friday, 18 May 2007
I don't want one of these.......
mobile phone things! Is what Dad said when I rang him yesterday.
I asked what exactly had happened re the Warden and he told me that unfortunately the usual one was off sick so a stand in had been appointed. The stand in had been on the intercom yesterday morning to Dad and he had given her both barrels re the fiasco the day before.
Apparently she hadn't even bothered trying the intercom on Wednesday, she had just left it to the control centre to try to contact Dad, and when they couldn't get any reply they had contacted my brother.
Dad told her "It's your job to make sure I'm OK not their's. You are supposed to come to see me, not just buzz, but you didn't do that did you? Then if you can't get any reply you have a key so you can get in to see if I'm OK, but you didn't do that either did you?"
The only excuse she could come up with was that she wasn't allowed to enter his home alone.
Dad said "I know that but all you had to do was get another resident to come with you!" Again she had no defence.
I told Dad we should complain about what has happened but he doesn't want to take it any further so there's not much we can do about it.
As to the mobile phone he can't even get the keypad lock off it at the moment. Brother has written down instructions on how to use it but Dad can't understand them! I will go through it with him when I see him on Saturday. I explained it's only for emergencies and we won't be ringing him on it unless it's absolutely necessary, hopefully that won't happen!
So, for the moment, all is well.
Friday 18th May
Walking easier and for longer.
Thursday, 17 May 2007
Don't Panic Mr. Mainwaring, don't panic....
I had a phone call from my brother around 7.30 p.m. last night.
"Do you know where Dad is?" he asked.
"He usually goes to play whist tonight" I informed him, "He gets back around 9.30 p.m. why?"
"I've had a phone call from the Warden saying she hasn't seen him all day and she can't contact him on the intercom." Dad lives in sheltered accommodation and the Warden usually checks every day to make sure he's OK.
"Well let yourself in and make sure he's not unconscious then" I say.
"I can't find my keys to his place, I'll have to go back home and look for them" he replies
By this time I'm panicking. Normally I would rush down there, I can be there in 15 minutes, but I can't drive yet because of my knee.
"I'm sure he's just gone out but will you hurry back with the keys just to make sure and let me know?"
"Will do " says brother.
I wait anxiously then brother rings back at 9.10 p.m.
"I've been inside and there's no sign of him, what time did you say he gets in?"
"9.30 ish I think. As long as he's out he must be OK".
"I'll hang about until he arrives home just to make sure" says brother.
Ten minutes later I received a text from brother
"Dad's landed, he's been playing whist. I am getting him a mobile phone tomorrow so we can contact him when he's out".
Now Dad is practically deaf and can just about work his television and video recorder - what's he gonna make of a mobile phone?!!!!
Watch this space.
When did we become the parents?
You may remember last week we had cavity wall insulation, well they came yesterday and insulated the loft too - all for free!
Thursday 17th May
Getting stronger every day, not enough to go out without the crutch though unfortunately!
Wednesday, 16 May 2007
The paintings inside were amazing but you are not allowed to take photographs in any of the tombs because flash photography harms them apparently, and of course you can buy postcards of said paintings!
Here we approaching Hapsetshut temple. Hapsetshut was the woman who was king.
We were able to take photographs of the wall paintings here. The colours are so vibrant even after thousands of years.
Philae was rebuilt on higher ground when it was almost lost in a flood. Read about it here.
These are the ram-headed sphynx at the entrance to Karnak Temple.
After all that hot and dusty sightseeing we took a sail in a felucca. Once we'd set sail the 'boy' got his bag of goods out - well he'd got a captive audience!
Of course it wasn't all sightseeing we had lots of fun too!
Here's my very own Indiana Jones being very brave putting snakes round his neck. I kept well out of the way and used the zoom on the camera!
Of course there was the obligatory 'Traditional' fancy dress party. The shop on the boat sold everything you could possibly need. Now there's a surprise!