Wednesday 30 September 2009

Update on Crash.....

On the Friday after my unfortunate car crash (apparently now you are not allowed to say Road Traffic Accident you have to say Road Traffic Crash, don’t ask me why I don’t know. It’s not like people deliberately crash their cars is it? It is usually an accident), my insurance company sent a mechanic from an auto repair company to my house to assess the damage to my car.

I told the insurance company when I rang them what I perceived the damage to be, which was a dent in the front passenger wing and the trim on the front of the car was hanging off. When the autorepairer dismantled the front of my car he said it needed a new headlight (it was cracked inside), a new wing, new trim and a new grill. I’m glad I wasn’t travelling any faster!

The mobile repairer arrived on 25th at 9.20 a.m. and much to MWM’s amazement drove his van onto our drive and assembled a sort of awning from the top of the van, this was where he sprayed the new wing. He then proceeded to dismantle the wing, headlight and trim on the front of the car and fitted the new headlight and the new wing, once the paint had dried. This took him all day and MWM supplied him with endless cups of tea.

The week before my accident MWM had managed to scrape the back wing of the car on some gates and he asked the repair man if he could possibly touch up the scratches when he’d finished, offering to pay of course as it was nothing to do with the accident damage he’d come to repair. He said ‘no problem’ and did indeed touch them up making a good job of it too. When asked ‘how much do I owe you?’ he replied nothing, however MWM gave him £10 for his trouble, which he didn’t want to take but MWM insisted. How nice was that?  So I have a good as new car againh

I haven’t heard anything from the insurance company and I haven’t had to pay any excess so I’m presuming that they have accepted that the accident was the fault of the taxi driver. So, as far as I am concerned, that’s it over and done with.

Of course I’ll let you know if I hear anything to the contrary.

Oh I forgot to say I won't be doing a Flash 55 this week as I'm off to spend the weekend with Queenie, so I won't be visiting you all until Monday evening after today's visits.   Have a great weekend everyone and be good (or careful).

Monday 28 September 2009

Some advice and truisms......

I received this list of advice and thought I'd share it with you.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. Embrace your differences. Love each other.

14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.

17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on...

19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

23. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

24. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

26. You should not confuse your career with your life.

27. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

28.. Never lick a steak knife...

29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

33. Your friends love you anyway.

34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

35.. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Friday 25 September 2009

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 91 Going Home.....

Charlie looked around.

He'd no idea where he was, or how he'd got there.

He must be in the same country, he'd only been in the car about two hours.

Eventually he spotted a landmark he recognised.

As he got to the door he heard......

"Come on Charlie, you're the best homing pigeon I've got!"

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 23 September 2009


Real life doctors share their experiences......

1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis, and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow.

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St.Thomas's Bath .

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.
'Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.'Which one ?'. . ... I asked.   'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !    'I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr.. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent .

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how was your breakfast this morning?   ''It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. Bristol Infirmary.

7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said  'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
KGH London .Dr. wouldn't submit his name!

Monday 21 September 2009


At long last here are the results of the

The Great Imagination Award #3

I asked you to vote on what you thought was the best/funniest comment in a southern accent on a post and you did in your thousands tens.       It was a close run competion but it was also a tie so, I hereby bestow THE GREAT IMAGINATION AWARD #3 to the two people with the most votes.    The award cannot be passed on it is just for you -

Well done to you both and thanks for playing along, please take your award and I hope you will display it with pride.

Here are the winning comments fromt he two ladies.

Quilly said...

But Miss Akelamalu, I don't know nutin' bout no Southern accents!

Julia Smith said...

Lan' sakes, sugah. Yoh gunna hafta get a blawg that's just fah awawds.

Thanks to everyone else who played along, you're comments gave me a real chuckle and I couldn't choose betweeen you, which is why I copped out and asked for a vote.

Friday 18 September 2009

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 90 Driving.....

The wheels on his car were spinning on the icy surface.

He hated driving on ice.

Suddenly it was out of control.

He pushed his foot down hard, the car slowed.

As he ground to a halt he heard his mother's voice....

"Jimmy, time for tea now, you can play in your pedal car later".
Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Tuesday 15 September 2009


I've been at home all day today with a thumping headache and feeling very shaky due to having a car crash on my way to work this morning.    No-one was hurt, thank goodness, but it sure as hell shook me up.   Neither car is anywhere near as bad as the one above but there is damage to both.   

I was driving along minding my own business on an A road when suddenly a taxi, stopped at the kerbside, decided to do a U-turn right in front of me, I couldn't miss him.    The driver insisted it was my fault because I'd hit him ,despite the fact that I had right of way and he cut straight across the front of me.    As we were swapping details another car appeared, a man got out saying he had seen everything and would give me his details and be a witness.  Thank goodness he did.   When he heard the taxi driver blaming me he shouted at him "It was your fault, you did a U-turn in front of her she could hardly miss you!" - Bless him.

Thankfully my car is driveable so I came home, I really didn't feel I could cope at work as I was shaking quite a bit.      I've contacted my insurance company and someone is coming to assess the damage on my car on Thursday.  My insurance company is happy that it wasn't my fault, so I won't have to pay any excess and I have protected no claims bonus so that's not an issue.

I am annoyed with the taxi driver though. Evidently he went to see a solicitor, she telephoned me to ask what happened as he said he was turning right and I came up on the inside and hit his car!  I'd like to know how he explained how I managed to hit his car with my passenger side wing on his driver side rear door if I came up on the inside!

I telephoned my witness to thank him for stopping and spoke to his wife who said she was also a witness and I shouldn't worry because they would back me up.     She also said that two young women stopped  and gave their details to my witness, so it looks like the taxi driver is up the creek with his lies.

Anyway the good thing is no-one was hurt, though I have a feeling the taxi driver may try to claim some compensation.   If he does, unfortunately for him it will have to come from his own insurance not mine.

If you've got a minute why not look at my previous post and vote for the entrants for the Great Imagination Award - I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Monday 14 September 2009

Great Imagination Competition #3 voting day ...

Well here we go, who's going to win the Great Imagination Award #3?

Last week I asked for comments in a southern accent and a few of you joined in the fun to win the award above, which will be unique to the winner and cannot be passed on.

I laughed till I cried at some of the comments so thanks to all of you who played along.

Here's all the entries

Thom said...

Howdy Darlin' ya'll done real good 'der getin' 'dat big ole box chocolates. Might fittin' that ya'll done deserve 'dat. Dang good job 'der my friend. Kin mus' be proud of ya.

Linda said...

Aw shucks thar Mizz Akelamalu, that thar waz awful kind of chew to give uz'ns the chance to win sech a purty award as that un dere. I ain't never seen sech a purtier thang in all my born daze and I flat out hope that I un's can win sech a thang so's I kin show it off to everyone elze round these har parts!

Ya'll have a nice day now, y'hear??

Quilly said...

But Miss Akelamalu, I don't know nutin' bout no Southern accents!

Finding Pam said...

My dear Akelamula, I am so very delighted to see that you have kindly posted my award. Words simply can not express the gratitude I feel in my little 'ol heart for you my dearest friend.

Why bless your little 'ol heart. Ya'll come back now and we'll have some ice cold lemonaide on the veranda.

Being southern is about attitude and graciousness and good manners. I can not help it that I have this southern drawl, ya'll.

Daisy said...

Jeez Akela - you sho do bring a ton of a-wards doncha darl?! x

Daryl said...

Hush your mouth! And bless your heart, that was some fine Southern speaking y'all was doin' Them whats thinks Southerners cant talk proper, well, they be fools.

Mama Zen said...

Well, fiddle dee dee, Akelamalu! For some of us, every day is talk southern day!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Oh my, yah got there ah nother award? I do declare yah are bout the most loved and deserving lady ah know. Pumpkin it suits yah too.

Why jist the ah-ther day ah was talkin with the pastor bout yah. Ah said, yah was not a heathen type person. That yah was truly deservin of all yah awards.

Oh my...jist look at the time. ah have to git to a meetin...yeppin, It's a 'Daughters of the Confederacy' gatherin. Y'all evah been tah one of them thar meetings. ah like all the gals attendin...cepting the preacher's wife, but ah ain't one to judge, iffin yah know what ah mean.

congrats on the award honey. See yah at the 'Daughter of the Confederacy' meetin. xxx

Julia Smith said...

Lan' sakes, sugah. Yoh gunna hafta get a blawg that's just fah awawds.

Aren't they fun?
Now I want you readers to vote for the comment you like best and I'll present the award to the one with the most votes.   Of course entrants can vote for themselves if they wish.

Friday 11 September 2009

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 89 The Message

Mugambi listened intently to the drum message from the neighbouring village.

It was from his brother Mwaka.

The sound was loud and clear, coming from the drum his father and brother had made together.

Sighing heavily Mugambi shrugged his shoulders.

He couldn't understand it.

Why didn't Mwaka just use a mobile phone like everyone else?

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 9 September 2009

Box of Chocolates and competition ........

The lovely Pam (Finding Pam)  has created this new award and graciously passed it on to me, among others.


Here's what Pam said about her award:
In my best southern accent, I would like to say that I have been thinking about a new award and what I would like it to say. People are like Forrest Gump said " Life is like a box of chocolates and you never know what you're gonna get".

You can see this box of chocolates is filled with different and unique candies and just like the chocolates we are all different and unique people. We are the same in that we all have common ingredients that make us more a like than not. Except for the frosting, which represents our personalities, we are indeed very similar on the inside.

Of course there are rules and they are as follows.

1. That you must pass this award to others.
2. Link back to me when you have passed them forward.
3. Write a nice post about this award.
4. You must read this award with a southern accent. I call it southern day where we all have to speak with a southern accent. I know that will be hard for some of you, but for the rest of us, we will be fine. So now, ya'll just enjoy this little ol' award and have fun with it.
5. And of course let your folks know that they have a nice award waiting for them.

Ahm plumb bumfuzzled cos bein Anglish ah don rightly know haw ta read or talk Southern but Bless Patsy ya'll  know was ah surprised to get this award, bless yore heart Pam fer thinkin' o'me. 

Well I did my best I just hope you can read and understand it!

Now I'd like ya'll to try and comment in a SOUTHERN ACCENT and take the Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates award for yourself.     This is where the competition comes in.

I will then do another post listing all your Southern Accent Comments for folk to judge which they like best and the winner will get the following

It is number 3 because it is only the third time it has been awarded.   This means it will be unique to whoever wins it.  It can't be passed on.

I hope ya'll play along.

Monday 7 September 2009

Cyril & Tommy........

Let me introduce you to Cyril and Tommy, our travelling companions on a recent trip from Blackburn, Lancashire on the Settle to Carlilse Railway.

MWM and I usually have K&T for company on our trips but this midweek trip was a gift from mother and father-in-law, so we had no idea who our travelling companions would be until we boarded the train and took our seats. Enter Cyril and Tommy. Cyril said Tommy was old - he is 90. We presumed that Cyril was younger, probably 89 and a half!

Cyril and Tommy sat opposite us on the train and regaled us with tales and anecdotes of what they got up to in the second World War - all the way to Carlilse and back and very entertaining it was too. They were both sailors on minesweepers doing an essential job which enabled supply ships from America to bring much needed food to England, until the 'dig for victory' campaign was established and the British people were able to grow enough food to be self sufficient.

Cyril said that whilst he was winning the war Tommy went on a cruise on the Queen Mary over to America! What actually happened was that Tommy did sail over to America on the Queen Mary but it was with the ship's company to collect a minesweeper that had been built there, which they then sailed back to the UK!

Tommy told us how he and his friends had gone in the cinema on the ship one evening and a young ATS girl had sat in the vacant seat next to him. He said his friends had embarrased him by shouting "Go on Tommy, put your arm round her", "Get in there lad" and other such things but Tommy had resisted because he had not long become engaged to his girlfriend. He later found out that Sir Winston Churchill was on board and the young lady that had sat next to him was in fact Churchill's daughter!

Cyril told us a very sad tale about fishing bodies out of the sea (English and German) and laying them out on deck, covering them with tarpaulin. They then searched for a coffin ship to transfer the bodies but there was non to be found, so sadly they had to return the bodies to the sea.

Have you ever wondered why, on those old war films, they took pot shots at mines in the sea? According to Tommy the aim was not to blow them up but to fill them full of holes so they'd sink!

Cyril was the cook on his ship 'The Pearl' and his captain told him one day to make the men some food without making smoke - in other words don't cook. The captain suggested sandwiches to which Cyril replied "You can't give fighting men sandwiches!" but he didn't tell us what he did give them.

These were just some of the tales they told us, mostly laughing, though they did say it wasn't funny at the time.

We had taken lunch with us, as had our two new aquaintances, which we enjoyed on the train before we arrived at Carlilse. MWM managed to get some really great shots of the Cumbrian countryside through the window of the train so I've put together a little slide show for you.

We travelled by coach to Blackburn Station where we boarded the train. Here's it is pulling into Blackburn Station - 'The Fellsman', pulled by the engine Leander Class Five 5690

We only had just over an hour in Carlisle so we exited the station and went for a little walk before calling in a pub for a drink before it was time to get back for the trip home.

The City Walls

Arriving back at the station MWM took some photographs inside whilst we waited for the train.

We bought some sandwiches for the journey back and met up again with Cyril and Tommy on the train, who told us yet more tales of their WW2 escapades.

When the train stopped at Appleby to take on water MWM and I got off to take some photos of the engine and the station.

We arrived back at Blackburn Station at 7.30 p.m. where we had to get the coach back to our pick up point in Bury. We'd had a great day and had really enjoyed Cyril and Tommy's company. As we left the train we shook hands with Cyril and Tommy and told them it had been a pleasure to meet them and thanked them for their service to our country. They both said how much they had enjoyed the trip and our company too and we got Tommy's email address to send them copies of some of the photos we had taken.

Just in case you think we only have steam trains here, we took a photo of an electric train at Carlilse Station.

I know which I prefer.

Friday 4 September 2009

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #88 The Hunter...

Hiding in the sparse brush, he watched through narrowed eyes.

His prey stopped and peered round nervously.

He was careful to stay downwind, he didn't want to spook the game.

Poised ready for the kill.

The moment was right.

The man's eyes were wide with horror...

as the hunting lion pounced, claiming him for dinner.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 2 September 2009

Gold Rush.........

You remember last week when I told you about photographing all my jewellery and making bequests?    Well that little job lead to something else.

Whilst sorting through my jewellery I found lots of gold pieces that were no longer of any use - ie broken bits of chain, odd earrings, etc.    There has been an advert on the telly recently called 'Postal Gold' where you make a request and they send you an envelope to send them your unwanted gold.   Here's what they say:

Postal Gold buys gold jewellery for melting and refining. When you send us your unwanted or broken jewellery we analyse how much pure gold is contained in it and based on the current market price of gold, we calculate your payout. If for any reason you feel that your items have not been fairly evaluated by Postal Gold, simply return our payout within 7 days of the payout date. Postal Gold will promptly return your gold.

I didn't have a lot and it was all stuff I would never wear or give to anyone, so I sent if off expecting maybe £10 if I was lucky but guess what?    I got a cheque for £73.17!   

This is not a paid post, I just thought I'd pass on the information as someone who's tried it and is really pleased with what I got for, what I considered, a load of junk.    If you're interested you can apply for an envelope online here.    The envelope is insured and free to post off, so if like me you have odd earrings and bits of broken gold chains you really don't want - cash them in!

Another thing, all my UK readers have you checked the loose change in your pocket recently?  

We found one of those new 2008 undated 20 pence pieces (no date either side) and it's worth at least £50!     You can find out how to identify them here at the Royal Mint if you think you've got one.

We're selling it on Ebay, I'll keep you posted.