Friday 55 Flash Fiction #146 Regrets......

Dan watched Angie sleeping.



Tracing his finger over her lips he kissed her tenderly.


Dan deeply regretted the affair with Tricia, it had been a terrible mistake.


Now he was truly thankful to whoever had taken the photograph that ended it.


He really loved his wife,


he just hoped she’d never find out about Tanya.

 
This is a continuation of my last two Flash 55s #145 here and #144 here.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Growing old gracefully.....

I received this in an email and it cracked me up, I hope it makes you smile.

To commemorate her birthday , actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.


One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'. Here are the lyrics she used:



(Sing It!) - If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!!

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,

When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',

And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,

When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I've had,

And then I don't feel so bad.

Microfiction Monday #34

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have

signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:


Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spa


Here's today's picture and my contribution.

Hi, you new to these parts?

 

Yeah, I just dropped in on my way home from the south coast. I’m a racing pigeon.

 

How exciting, what’s your racing name?

 

Shytalk, what’s yours?

140 characters including punctuation and spaces

My wish......

No Flash Fiction today just this, for you

Wishing you all a Very Happy Christmas

and

A Healthy & Prosperous New Year

Having a laugh.....

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.

'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'


So he tied her up and went golfing.

****************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.


First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.


The optician showed him a card with the letters


'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'


'Can you read this?' the optician asked.


'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

******************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'


'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of Chardonnay.'

********************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.


That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.


The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Microfiction Monday #33

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have
signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:


Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spa


Here's today's picture and my contribution.

The excited children thought the piglet would make a great pet.

Mother was thrilled with it too,

she wouldn’t have to buy a turkey this year.

140 characters including spaces and punctuation

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #145 It's Over.......

Watching her husband playing with the children, Angie smiled.

His affair was over, she had listened into the telephone call when Tricia phoned to tell him that her husband had found out .

Dan was blissfully unaware that Angie knew about his affair,

or that it was she who had sent the photo to Tricia’s husband.

This is a continuation of last week's Flash 55, if you missed it click here.



Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

The Cost of Divorce.......

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person,



'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'



The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for £19.95, Shopping Barbie for £19.95, Beach Barbie for £19.95, Disco Barbie for £19.95, Ballerina Barbie for £19.95, Astronaut Barbie for £19.95, Skater Barbie for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for £265.95'.



The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie £265.95 and the others only £19.95?'



The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's b*lls.

Microfiction Monday #32

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have
signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:

Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spa


Here's today's picture and my contribution.

A satisfied smirk played on Mary’s lips.

“This’ll teach him not to cheat on me” she fumed

as she rubbed his toupee up and down the washboard.



140 characters including spaces

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #144 The perfect gift......

Christmas morning found her tearing at the wrapping paper enclosing her Christmas present.

Tricia gently removed the contents and stared at a beautiful silver framed photo,

a perfect shot of her and Dan in a passionate embrace.

She gasped in shock, dismay clutched at her heart.

No doubt now, her husband knew about her affair.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

A Builder's Story......

Fred asked his wife Mary if she would go to B & Q and pick up a hinge.

Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the employee to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom tap set.

When the employee was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that tap set?"

The employee replied, "That's a gold plated tap set and the price is £4999.00

Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that is a very expensive tap set. It's certainly out of my price bracket."

She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Fred had sent her to buy.

The employee said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.

From the storeroom the employee yelled. "Madam, do you wanna screw for the hinge?"

Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back,

"No, but I will for the tap set."

This is why you can't send a woman to B & Q

Microfiction Monday #31

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have
signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:


Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spa


Here's today's picture and my contribution.

Being new to town, he was surprised when the cab stopped at the cemetery and the driver declared

“Here you are Sir, the dead centre of town!”



140 characters including spaces

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #143 Lost....

The car breaks down, she sets off walking,

until she’s lost in the woods, having lost the compass.

Cold, frightened and tired she tramps through thick snow then discovers more footprints!

Relieved and thankful that she is not alone, she follows them.

She realises she’s walked round in a circle,


 when she finds the compass.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

From the London Times: A Well Planned Retirement.....

Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years,it's parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were for cars £1.40, for buses about £7.


Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.



The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility.



The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee.



The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.



Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or France or Italy ... is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about £560 per day -- for 25 years.



Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over 7 million pounds ... and no one even knows his name.



Yer gotta larf!!

Microfiction Monday #30

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have
signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:


Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spa


Here's today's picture and my contribution.

Margueritta hoped the bulls her new beau had brought as a gift for her father

would divert Dad’s attention from his appalling fashion sense.

140 characters including spaces

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 142 Searching

After years of searching and disapppointments

He peered through the small breach in the top left hand corner

Using a candle to illuminate the blackness

his eyes focussed on what lay beyond.

Then he saw it....

Something glistening in the darkness....

It was November 26th 1922......

Howard Carter had finally found the tomb of Tutankhamun!

Not fiction, but a find that rocked, so no apologies.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

MIxed emotions.............

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".

The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

She said:



"Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."






Hope that didn't shock you too much!  

Microfiction Monday #29

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have

signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:

Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spa


Here's today's picture and my contribution.

The head teacher thought that the deer sporting the team scarf and hat was encouraging.

 

However, personally, he would not be seen dead in it.

140 characters

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #142 Strangers......

A room full of strangers.

She tried not to stare at anyone in particular, even managing a friendly smile here and there.

Making polite conversation, seeming interested, but wishing she could leave.

She didn't particularly like crowds and confined spaces, but she wasn't afraid.

Well, not until the lift juddered to a halt between floors!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Take a slice.......

of cake

and a glass of champagne

and help me celebrate my birthday.

CHEERS!

Indian Summer.........

I'm off to Goa today for a true Indian Summer, so I won't be around for two weeks.

Don't hate me.

That's what I was supposed to be posting today but we've had to cancel the holiday.

This is what happened....

A gastroscopy saved MWM's life, in a manner of speaking! He suffers badly from reflux and has been taking medication for a few months. He has been scheduled to have an gastroscopy twice recently to check if the medication is working and for one reason or another has had to cancel the appointments. Last Monday it was scheduled again and he went. They wouldn't do the procedure because his BP was dangerously high and told him to see his own doctor, which he did last Wednesday. His doctor was extremely concerned and upped his medication immediately.  He's been on medication for high BP for many years.   Of course flying with high blood pressure is extremely dangerous and she advised he shouldn't take the flight so we have cancelled the holiday. The point is, if he hadn't gone for the gastroscopy we would have taken the flight oblivious of the danger and ANYTHING could have happened!

Someone up there is looking after him, thank goodness.

Microfiction Monday #28

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have
signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:



Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spaces.


Here's today's picture and my contribution.

Scowling at the photographer.

Pedro wished he’d get on with it.

He knew it was a mistake agreeing to model knitwear for the dratted catalogue.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #141 Colours....

Mmmmm, what colour? she thought.

It has to be something dramatic, maybe Mandarin or Sunshine Yellow?

Something to impact with the black.

Then she saw it - Fuchsia - that was it!

She removed the lid from the tin of paint and smiled in delight

before promptly tipping the contents over the bonnet of the love-rat's car.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

In Remembrance....

Remembrance Day

Armistice Day

Veterans Day

Whatever you call it, let us remember them and thank them for our freedom.

LEST WE FORGET

Did I read that sign right???.....

Received this in an email and thought you might enjoy the laugh....




TOILET OUT OF ORDER.............PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW



In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN

THE LIGHT GOES OUT



In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS



In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING

IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN



In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE

DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD



Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT

BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?



Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS



Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR



Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY

CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR



Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE

BULL CHARGES.



Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS



On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Microfiction Monday #27

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:

Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spaces.
Here's today's picture and my contribution.

Amy was sure she knew the way home and she was hungry.

Now she wasn’t sure, everywhere looked the same.

 

She wished she’d waited for Jo now.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #140

It seemed like a good idea when they met to discuss it.

They hadn’t reckoned on someone leaking what they were planning though.

Unfortunately for one Guy he was caught

guarding 36 barrels of gunpowder in the bowels of the House of Lords

And sentenced to death.

Guy Fawkes – 5th November

Gunpowder, treason and plot!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Dona Nobis Pacem....

Today is Blogblast for Peace.

If you aren't already flying your Peace Globe go get one and fly it. Then go to Mimi's (Mimi Writes) and sign Mr. Linky so other Blogblasters can come visit you.


You can get your Peace Globe here, it has instructions on how to do it, then post it on your blog today.


Please join in and make your voice heard, it will make a difference.

Microfiction Monday #26

Susan at Stony River hosts this fun theme each Monday, so do pop over and read the others who have signed Mr. Linky. The rules are thus:

Every Monday Susan will post a picture for the subject of your story. Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer, including punctuation and spaces.

Here's today's picture and my contribution.

Pretty Polly’s smile hid a dark secret.

She wasn’t what she appeared to be,

 

as the other guests at the Halloween party were about to discover.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #139 Accident.....

Her whole being screamed "NO"!

as she watched the rescue team take her husband from the wrecked car.

He was still alive, she heard someone shout.

She hovered as close as she could get, then heard someone say

"Too late, she's gone"

as she turned to see her broken body being lifted into the ambulance.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

I've taken over for the day.....

MWM here.   Akelamalu has given me permission to do a guest post today regarding my birthday yesterday.   My darling wife bought me a very special birthday present - I got to experience riding on the footplate of this

60163 TORNADO - the first steam engine to have been built from scratch for 50 years and it took 19 years to build by the A1 Steam Locomotive Trust at a cost of £3.1 million.  For any anoraks out there reading this, it is a Class A1 Pacific loco originally designed by A. H. Peppercorn in 1945 for the London and North Eastern Railway (LNER).  Unfortunately none of the original 49 that were built were preserved, hence this new build.

Here's me on the footplate being given instructions of where to sit so that I was out of the way of the footplate crew.

Here's the driver Brian

and the machinery that makes it all work so magnificently.

Here's the view of the track from the fireman's perspective.

 It has been a lifetime ambition of mine to enjoy a footplate ride and to realise this ambition on such a unique engine, on my birthday, was absolutely wonderful.    All too soon the 50 minute journey was over but the memory of this day will be something I will cherish forever and I have a certificate to prove I did it.

Here I am looking very happy riding the train back home

PS TORNADO is off to Scotland next week.