ATM's.....

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts."

After months of careful research , MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card , cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

Unfortunately , most of this Is true !!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake , put the window down.

4. Find handbag , remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary; with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag , locate card holder , and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone .

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

I'm not a traitor ladies honestly, it just made me LOL.

Saturday Wordzzle #14

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either or both it's up to you, and you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven.

Here are my efforts - complete with my doodles.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge is: flamingo, monster trucks, Darth Vader, cucumbers, sugar-free, banking, determinate, thurible, sarcasm, drums

Arriving at the market Trixie was surprised to see the car park full of monster trucks, apparently there was some sort of rally going on today, which would have put her off coming if she had known about it beforehand. She had been banking on it being quiet today as she had a lot to do. Waiting at the fruit and veg stall she heard a strange sound behind her which turned out to be a man who sounded just like Darth Vader because he was wearing a bikers helmet.. “Are you going to buy those cucumbers or just look at them longingly?” he asked with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Trixie ignored him, she didn’t want to get involved that was determinate. “Here try a piece of this” he said, thrusting a piece of sugar-free gum at her. “No thankyou” said Trixie trying her best to ignore him as she balanced on one leg like a flamingo, so she could reach over the cauliflowers to pick up a couple of drums of dried chillies. “Come on Trixie, lighten up!” said Darth. On hearing her name Trixie turned around to face Darth who had now removed his helmet, which he proceeded to swing around like a thurible whilst grinning at her like a Cheshire cat. “Oh bugger off” said Trixie, then clapped a hand over her mouth as she recognised the new vicar.


And for the Mini Challenge: procrastinate, memory lane, alley cat, argument, Florida

Sitting in the garden Alice sipped her Florida orange juice whilst looking through some old photographs, which took her on a trip down memory lane. Suddenly her peace was shattered by screeching sounds coming from the neighbouring garden. Alice shook her head, she decided she would procrastinate no more, she’d had enough, first thing tomorrow she would complain to the council about that alley cat that lived next door, the woman was a menace and she’d insist they evicted her, no argument.

Megawordzzle

Donna stood on the corner swinging her Dorothy bag like a thurible whilst furiously chewing on a piece of sugar-free gum. She had recently moved to Flamingo Park, Florida, after being given the opportunity of promotion with her job in banking. Never one to procrastinate, Donna jumped at the chance and arranged the move in a matter of weeks. Her family and friends had been full of sarcasm at her optimism but she wouldn’t be put off, the move was determinate. She settled into her new post at the bank and found a beautiful apartment with a sunny lounge overlooking the bay. She had made lots of friends since she arrived and had thrown herself headlong into the little community joining lots of established groups, she even started a Star Wars appreciation group, which raised a lot of interest with most of her colleagues, even the bank manager joined when she told him he could dress as Darth Vader – he was a huge fan. Actually it was Derek (Darth Vader) she was waiting for, he’d asked her if she’d like to go with him to see some monster trucks at some exhibition in the next town. Donna couldn’t give two hoots about trucks but she fancied the pants of Darth, so she didn’t put up any argument about where they were going she just agreed straight away. She heard the ‘beep, beep’ of the car horn and quickly jumped in the car beside Derek landing on a bag of cucumbers, which he’d left on the seat. “Oh sorry” apologised Derek “I have to drop those off at my mother’s on the way to the exhibition, she’s pickling today” he explained. Derek’s mother was a strange woman and Donna soon realised that Derek was a bit of a mummy’s boy, she was beginning to think agreeing to go out with him was a mistake! The pet names they called each other were bad enough but when they got into memory lane tales of Derek’s previous girlfriends and how they all had the morals of an alley cat Donna was sorry she’d agreed to the date. She wouldn’t be accepting any more invitations from Derek, she’d just put up with him today and that would be it. Mrs Bates (Donna’s nick name for Derek’s mother) was telling Donna about her pickling and offered to show Donna her store of various pickled vegetables. Being a polite sort of person Donna smiled sweetly and followed her into the basement totally unaware that Derek had picked up an axe, until he smashed it down onto the back of her head. “Get her into one of those drums of vinegar Derek” said Mrs. Bates.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 28

Relax

Surrounded by candles, the bath water fragrant and frothy.

Champagne on ice, glass ready, just what she needed after the day she’d had.

He’d gone to so much trouble preparing it, how thoughtful of him.

It could only get better.

“Are you relaxed honey?” he smiled

Just before he threw the hairdryer into the water!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The object of the game is to write a story using exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Welcome to my Wendy House.......

Do you remember your nursery days? Apparently I attended nursery from being 2½ years old though, obviously, I don’t remember that far back because usually you can’t remember much before you are four years old.

My first nursery teacher was Mrs McManus – I remember sitting on her lap, her soft arms around me, her comforting voice, her smell (pleasant) – I loved her! She was a wonderful substitute for my Mum, who had to go to work to supplement the family income. I was happy at school, there was so much to do and so many children to play with; I didn’t have any siblings until I was five years old, so going to nursery was ideal for me. Of course some children cried all day because they missed their parents but Mrs McManus usually managed to soothe them and had them joining in the play before too long. We each had our own peg on which to hang our coats, with a picture on it to help us recognise our own peg, mine was a clown.

The most magical thing in nursery for me was the ‘Wendy House’. It seemed to me to be a perfect miniature replica of a real house and I just loved playing with the plastic tea-set, pots and pans on the cooker, curtains at the windows and it even had a bed! Of course all the girls, and just a few of the more ‘sensitive’ boys, wanted to play in the Wendy House so we had to take turns so everyone got to have a go playing house and looking after the children (the dolls).

I loved painting. Mrs McManus would set up the easels with a jar of water, brushes and paints, put a plastic apron on us that had sleeves and covered us from head to toe and off we’d go. Everything we produced was a ‘masterpiece’, according to Mrs McManus, and we were allowed to take the masterpieces home to our parents to be pinned on the wall.

Then there was the sand pit, not actually a pit at all but a huge (well everything looks huge when you’re 2½ ) metal tray on legs containing play sand, spades, buckets and other paraphernalia – a great source of fun, it was like being at the seaside!

We also got to play in the huge sinks, measuring water into containers with jugs, and various pieces of equipment which were like a domino effect where you poured water in at one end and watched it move various bits creating fabulous waterfalls. You can imagine the mess we made with that.

Mid morning we would have our little bottle of milk which we drank through a straw and in winter the crates of milk were put on the large metal cage which covered the heater to warm up – I still love warm milk – we always had a biscuit to eat with it too. Something else we were given was a teaspoonful of Cod Liver Oil (I think Rickets was prevalent then – yes I’m that old!) – I can hear you ‘heaving and retching’ - I loved it. I also relished the school lunches, there was always a proper cooked lunch with a pudding afterwards and never being a fussy eater I scoffed the lot!

After lunch Mrs McManus and her helpers would get out the little fold-up beds and set them out in rows, then we would all be settled down with an itchy woollen blanket to have a nap for an hour whilst the teachers had a well earned break. Afternoons meant more play with the many toys and games all designed to help us learn; threading beads on laces, building blocks, weighing and measuring, letter cards to make up words etc, etc. We never realised we were actually learning we just thought we were playing. The very last thing that happened before it was time to go home was story time, when we would sit cross-legged on the floor and listen to some magical fantasy that Mrs McManus read to us – oh I so enjoyed it!

When the day was over I was always glad to see Mum when she came to collect me, but I loved going back to ‘school’ the following morning to my surrogate mum and my school friends. All such a looooong time ago.

What do you remember about your first years at nursery or school?

The Monday Meme..... The Last Time........

La Bellina Mammina did this a little while ago and invited anyone who wanted to have a go, so here's mine, ya'll feel free to do it if you want to....


MONDAY MEME :

The last

time you laughed? Today

time you cried? Daily - Watching all the tragedies on the news.

time you felt guilty? Yesterday after eating two chocolate bars.

time you shouted at the TV? Watching the Prime Minister of GB every time he's on the news.

time you had a hangover? Yesterday

time you hugged someone? This morning

time you couldn't sleep? I never sleep the night through.

time you kissed someone? This morning. I always kiss MWM before I get out of bed.


time you exercised? Last night I did 4 minutes on my air stepper - I can't manage any more than 4 mins!

time you ate something really unhealthy? Yesterday - the two chocolate bars!

time you had a dance? Saturday

time you went on a shopping spree? A couple of weeks ago - online.

time you spoke to your mom? The day she died 16th July 1988.

time you said "I love you"? Today and every day to MWM.

And your last word is? Phew!


Now, I'd love it if you all do this meme...because I love y'all and it would be interesting to read your replies....

Saturday Wordzzle #13

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either or both it's up to you, and you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven.

On my Doodle Week post on Wednesday Claire, (A Little Piece Of Me), suggested I did some doodles to illustrate my 55's and Wordzzles. Ever one for a challenge I have doodled three pictures to illustrate my three Wordzzles this week.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge is: sergeant, lunatic, peanut butter and jelly, cyber space, flattery, musician, auspicious, cardinal, paprika, flowering plum tree

Sergeant Snudge was known as a lunatic amongst his men because he treated any little misdemeanour as a cardinal sin. There was the time Digby had accidentally demolished the camp’s flowering plum tree with his tank and Snudge had almost launched him into cyber space. His punishment to Lynch, the musician in their troop, when he hit a bum note on his trombone during a particularly auspicious occasion was particularly cruel – he made him eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches smothered in paprika, which made poor Lynch so sick he couldn’t play in the band for three days! The only thing that Snudge seemed susceptible to was flattery, the lads had discovered if they told him how fabulous his handlebar moustache was, he tended not to shout as loud whilst they were on parade.


And for the Mini Challenge: sinister, magazine, American flag, rain storm, chess board
Picking up the magazine showing the American flag on the front cover, Charlie listened as the sudden rain storm beat a tattoo on the window of the doctor’s office. He had been dreading this day, he was about to get the results of some recent tests and was sincerely hoping that his problem didn’t turn out to be anything sinister. The doc called him in and delivered the good news he’d been hoping for so he could get back to sitting on the porch with his good friend Art and concentrate on the chess board.

Megawordzzle

The summer fete was a very auspicious occasion on the calendar, held on the village green at the centre of which was a huge flowering plum tree. The Smith-Jones’ had visitors from across the pond staying with them this year, so Stephanie had organised the American flag to be on show in honour of them and asked the caterers to provide peanut butter and jelly for their children so they’d feel right at home. She had also arranged with her musician friend for his band to play but asked him that they wear conventional clothes not the ‘dressing up box’ clothes they usually wore, which were like something from the Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper’s album! The fete would consist of the usual stalls and competitions but new this year was a giant chess board and the internet-tent, where people could try their skills at cyber space games. The day of the fete dawned bright and sunny and everything had gone according to plan. Matthew, her husband, was full of flattery for the pretty paprika coloured chiffon dress she had chosen to wear, it had cost a fortune but as Village Life Magazine were covering the fete she felt the cost was justified – after all she was the organiser. Spot on 2pm the guest of honour, Cardinal Rockport, stood to make his opening speech and the fete was declared officially open. Everything was going beautifully as Stephanie introduced various helpers to the journalist from the magazine, after she made sure they knew that she was the guiding light of the fete and had them take lots of photographs of her in her new dress. By 4 pm the fete was in full swing with queues for the strawberries and champagne and the stallholders doing so well they were already bringing out their reserve stocks. Unfortunately that was when the family of gypsies arrived and one of their hoard of offspring started swinging from the poles holding up the refreshment tent like a lunatic. Stephanie marched up to the woman with the black curly hair and gold hoop earrings, who appeared to be the matriarch of the family, and calmly asked her to either keep her brood under control or leave immediately. Unperturbed Zelda, the gypsy woman, offered to set up a stall telling fortunes, she had a crystal ball in her pocket it would be no trouble she said. Stephanie looked horrified and insisted that was not the sort of thing they had at Little Plumphamton so would they please leave now. Grudgingly Zelda rounded up her children and marched off down the lane, where she stopped and retrieved a small bag from her pocket from which she extracted some twigs and a small vial of liquid. Placing the twigs on the path she proceeded to soak them in the liquid then set fire to them whilst chanting some sinister incantation. Leaving the small fire burning on the path she and the children marched off in the direction of the next village. Just as they rounded the bend they looked back to watch the torrential rain storm that had just washed out the village green, picking up her skirts and the youngest child Zelda chuckled gleefully and said “That’ll teach you, stuck up cow!”

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #27

Dinner?

“I know we’ve only just met but come to dinner?’ he asked
“7.30 tomorrow, I’ll cook, here’s my address.”

“What a lovely place, are these new carpets, they’re still covered in plastic?”

“Impressive range of knives and pans you have, you obviously like cooking.”

“Oh I do” he said
What’s for dinner?” she asked

“You”!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The object of the game is to write a story using exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Doodle Week.....

Claire at A Little Piece of Me has been doodling all week - she's brill go take a look! Anyway it's all part of Doodle Week, which started last Thursday, and lots of people have been posting their doodles daily you can go here to see them or if you fancy having a go yourself put your name on Mr Linky there. There's been a different theme each day:

Thursday - Doodle You

Friday - Doodle Monster

Saturday - Doodle Animal

Sunday - Doodle Flower

Monday - Doodle Daydream

Tuesday - Doodle Abstract

Wednesday - Doodle Mad

Well I didn't have time to do a post every day containing a doodle so I've saved them all up for today, cos doodle week finishes today, and here they are!

Doodle Me

Doodle Monster


Doodle Animal

Doodle Flower

Doodle Daydream

Doodle Abstract

Doodle Mad

Hope you like them!

Happy Birthday to my baby.....

It's my baby's birthday today!

Where did all the time go?

It was thundering and lightening when he was born, we checked his head for the fabled 666 thinking we might have to call him Damien, but thankfully it wasn't there. In fact this baby was an angel, I had to wake him up to feed him. He was, still is, a sensitive soul. His big brother used to call him 'Woo'. When we asked why he called him that he said "because everytime you look at him he starts 'woooooooooooooo' crying!"

Well here's Woo now, my beautiful baby all grown up with two beautiful boys of his own.

32 TODAY

in laid back mode as usual!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAN

LOVE YOU - YOU KNOW HOW MUCH +16

MUM & DAD

XXXX

Saturday Wordzzle #12

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either or both it's up to you, and you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven.


This Week's Ten Word Challenge is: florist, grave yard, sausage, magnificent, soap opera, linguist, columns, volume, French, canvas


Danielle was thrilled to get a part in the new soap opera, which was set in a little village in Derbyshire. She was to play the florist, a new arrival in the village from the Dordogne. She had to perfect a French accent, which would be easy for her as she wasn’t just an actress she was a linguist as well. As she wandered through the grave yard in the little village, practising her lines in her best accent, she recalled the thrill of the magnificent reviews she’d got in the gossip columns for her first few performances in the soap. She’d been a struggling actress for a good few years, living in cheap digs where she had to turn up the volume on her transistor radio to drown out the noise of the neighbours’ domestic rows and eating ‘value’ sausage from the supermarket to survive. What a difference now though, with her first paycheck she had splashed out and bought some oil paints and canvas to indulge herself in her other ‘love’ of painting. Oh yes, life was finally rewarding her for her hard work.



And for the Mini Challenge: suspension bridge, veracity, lunch, multi-faceted, house of ill repute


Isambard was meeting someone called Verity for lunch, he had met her online and this was their first meeting after a few months of emails. She had been very honest with him, disclosing right away that she had been employed at a house of ill repute for a couple of years when she was younger and he had been very impressed with her veracity. Verity was a lovely name he thought, and he had discovered her character was multi faceted, She had been intrigued to learn that he had been named after the man who had designed the Clifton Suspension Bridge, Isambard Kingdom Brunel. He was hoping Verity would be the girl he’d been looking for all his life.

Megawordzzle


Jeanne Claude’s mind was wandering as he drove across the Viaduc de Millau suspension bridge over the Tarn River Gorge on his way to his father’s funeral. It was many years since he’d left the little village of Saint Enimie to be a journalist in London, where he now had his own daily column and was also well known as a brilliant linguist. He imagined the village had changed a lot since he was last there and he wasn’t in a hurry to discover if the multi faceted daily life there still resembled a soap opera. He’d been driving for hours and suddenly realised he was hungry, he made a decision to stop at the next available place for lunch, which just happened to be a small bakery come delicatessen where he purchased a fresh French stick, some brie and local sausage. There was a small stream nearby so he took his purchases, grabbed a rug from the boot of the car and ate his makeshift lunch whilst digesting the magnificent canvas that was the view. Checking his watch he realised he only had about half an hour before his father’s funeral so he quickly got back on the road again, entering the village fifteen minutes later where he parked his car and hurried to the florist shop before making his way to the grave yard to face the ordeal. There was quite a gathering in the tiny church and a hush descended as he arrived clutching the bunch of flowers . He took a seat in a back pew and listened with interest as the pastor described his father as an honourable man who’s veracity was admired. “What a load of bollocks” he thought “the old goat was a liar and had cheated on my mother all their married life” Jeanne Claude raged inside. Remembering his mother he felt sad at what she’d had to endure at his father’s hands, the constant embarrassment of his father’s actions like the time he was caught in a house of ill repute. After the service he stood at the graveside until everyone had dispersed then picked up a handful of earth which he dropped onto the coffin whilst hissing “Rot in Hell”. Turning on his heels he marched back to his car, ignoring the family calling his name, he started the engine, put a Meat Loaf CD into the player and turned the volume up as high as it would go then roared out of the village to 'Bat Out Of Hell', knowing he would never have to return.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 26

Choose

He’d been insistent, she had to make up her mind.

It was him or her, she couldn’t have both.

She loved them both, although she’d only known her for a couple of months.

She wanted and needed them both.

She’d decided -


No way she was having an abortion he’d have to get used to it.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The object of the game is to write a story using exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Daft Answers Part 3....

Yet more idiotic answers to quiz questions....


Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci
Who framed Roger Rabbit?


What was signed to bring the First World War to an end in 1918?
Magna Carta


How many Kings of England have been called Henry?
Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth.... er.....er...three?


There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
Jelly.


Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Charlottle Bronte.


What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state?
America? Portugal? Canada? Mexico? Italy? Spain?


How long did the Six-Day war between Egypt and Israel last?
(after a long pause) Fourteen days.


Where did the D-Day landings take place?
(after pause) Pearl Harbour?


Whjat K could be described as the Islamic bible?
Er..


It's got two syllables.... Kor....
Blimey?


Ha, ha, ha, ha, no. The past participle of run.
Silence


Ok, try it another way. today I run, yesterday I....
Walked?


Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. it's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.


Which S is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Ummmmm....
It begins with S and rhymes with perm.
Shark.


What is the county town of Kent?
Kentish Town?


Read Daft Answers Part 1 and 2

Electrical Form.........

Last Thursday (as Brits will know) was Local Councils Election day in England. Before you switch off this is not a political post, it just brought back memories of the years I was involved the process of delivering and collecting Electoral Registration forms, on which the British public register their entitlement to vote, and the funny things that happened.

For years, when MWM was working in local government he, I, the two boys and mother-in-law used to spend four, or more, consecutive Sundays delivering and collecting these forms. We would take a picnic lunch with us and either sit in the car or a nearby park for half an hour, depending on the weather, eating our sandwiches with a flask of coffee and juice for the boys, though they preferred a drop of their gran’s coffee because she put rum in it! It sounds a very boring thing to do on a Sunday but we had so many laughs believe me, especially when collecting the forms and reading some of the things people put on them. Lots of people had the forms ready, but there were always a hard core who would give any excuse not to return it – usually because they hadn’t a clue how to fill it in!

Quite often we would knock on a door asking for the form and the occupier would disappear to look for it and they could be heard shouting, to the other occupants, “Where’s that electrical form they delivered last week?” Or they would swear black was white that we hadn’t delivered one, we always had spares so that was no excuse for them not to fill one in. Other excuses were “the dog ate it/ the baby scribbled on it/ I can’t find it / I don’t want to bother”. None of these excuses were valid – it is against the law not to fill the electoral registration form in and you can be prosecuted for not doing so. Quite often we would just get them to give us the information and fill the form in for them so they just had to sign it, this would save us the trouble of going back there the week after. We had to get at least 80% of the forms back before we could get paid, the pay wasn’t too bad but it was hard work, but if you did this job you got to deliver the polling cards, which was really good pay for not too much work. As a joke we used to give MIL a wage packet with her share but showing deductions such a lunch, petrol etc so that the deductions just about cancelled out what she’d earned! Of course she did get her share, the boys got a little treat too and our share paid for the boys Christmas presents or went towards holidays.


There were three groups of people we collected from: the elderly who were the nicest people – either they always had the form ready, or they asked for your help to complete it with the offer of a cup of tea and a biscuit – though we never took them up on the offer, and we always made sure they saw our authorisation. The majority of people either had the form ready or needed help with filling it in. Then there were some really nasty people though who threatened us with physical violence if we didn’t leave them alone – no amount of money made it worth arguing with them so we put those down as no returns.

Every year when people received their polling cards there would be a spate of stories in the local newspapers saying “my two year old son has received a polling card – how stupid is that!” Oh yes, I so agree, it is totally stupid - on the part of the parent who listed two year old Johnny as over 18 on the registration form therefore eligible to vote! God give me strength!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Bindi (Beautiful World) gave me this beautiful award which was created by First Suzanne from My Rosecottage Studio who said: "I want you to list at least two things about yourself that you love. and take this award..."

Thank you Bindi for making me take the time to think about myself.

I love this sentiment so much I want everyone who comments on this post to please take the award but tell me in your comment "Two things you love about yourself" - it's not easy I know but please do it. You should love yourself if you expect others to and you're all wonderful in my book.

Saturday Wordzzle #11

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either or both it's up to you, and you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge is: cranberry sauce, amber, laundry list, coffin, morning glory, shalom, mystery, sparrow hawk, pumpernickel, stained glass


Amber lay back on the grass watching the sparrow hawk circling above. She was waiting for Ricky to arrive, they’d arranged to meet for a picnic lunch in the park and she’d prepared all his favourites; pumpernickel, a selection of cheeses, pickles and cranberry sauce. She loved Ricky but she hated his job as an undertaker, she didn’t want to have to think about a coffin let alone listen to him talk about them non stop. He insisted on telling her about his work but even the mention of the stained glass in the little chapel of rest gave her the shudders. She remembered once he told her about a bit of a mystery with one of his clients. Apparently some old dear in the chapel of rest had quite a few visitors and when he’d gone to put her back in the freezer he found an old laundry list shoved in the coffin with “Shalom” written on the back and a bunch of morning glory. He didn’t like to ask the relatives about it, so he just left them in there and let the old dear be buried with them. Anyway enough of that, where was Ricky? She hoped he didn’t turn up in the hearse again, there was no way he was giving her a lift back to work in that, the girls in the office were still taking the mickey out of her after the last time.

And for the Mini Challenge: margarita, gum wrapper, spring fever, Darfur, lace

Darfur dropped the gum-wrapper into the ashtray as he sat watching the girl weave between the tables. His eyes were hidden behind dark glasses, so Margarita was unaware he was watching her. Her lace shawl slipped off her shoulders onto the floor, exposing the coffee coloured skin rich and creamy. Darfur breathed deeply taking in her scent as she bent close to him to retrieve the shawl. He left the restaurant quickly, pushing the lurid thoughts from his mind, “it’s just spring fever” he thought “I’ll go take a cold shower!”

Megawordzzle

Ted contemplated the laundry list as he sat eating his lunch of pumpernickel and cheese. He made a mental note to get the housekeeper to change the flowers on the reception desk, what had possessed her to put morning glory in a vase he couldn’t imagine but they weren’t staying that was for sure, he could only imagine she was suffering from spring fever. Just as he was finishing his lunch the telephone rang, he couldn’t make any sense of what the woman was saying on the other end of the line, apart from “come quickly room 209”. Locking the office door he took the lift to the second floor and knocked on the door of 209. A dark skinned woman opened the door “Shalom” she whispered before ushering him into the room, which was quite dark apart from the amber light shining through the stained glass window. She wore a black lace mantilla, dark glasses and her nose reminded him of a sparrow hawk’s beak. Bending to pick up an empty gum wrapper from the floor Ted almost fainted when he spotted what appeared to be a coffin in the corner. Fighting the urge to run, Ted politely asked the woman how he could help. “I need to get to Darfur, urgently, “can you help me with the arrangements please?” said the woman as she delicately sipped a margarita. Ted noticed the remnants of the turkey and cranberry sauce sandwich she’d had sent up earlier. “Of course madam, just give me all your details and I’ll get onto the airline straight away” he soothed. Taking his leave Ted made his way back down to the office, where he spent the next hour organising a flight and accommodation for the mystery woman in room 209. He managed to get her on a flight that evening and when he rang to tell her she was most grateful, saying she had packed her belongings and would he send up a porter for her luggage. When she came to reception to check out Ted was relieved to see the luggage included a large trunk, ah, it wasn’t a coffin at all thankfully. Taking her leave she thanked Ted for all his help saying she would recommend the hotel and left a large tip. Just another day at the factory, thought Ted, well that was until he got the frantic phone call from the chambermaid who’d found a coffin in room 209!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 25

Suspicion

He’s acting strange, he’s up to something, June thought
That telephone call, they hung up when I answered…..

He’s bought a new shirt and there’s money missing from the account…..

I bet it’s that trollop from the pub, I’ll watch her on Saturday when we go in.

The pub’s busy tonight…….

Surprise,

Happy Birthday June!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The object of the game is to write a story using exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Trav's Trivia Meme....

Travis (Trav's Thoughts) has started a new meme – a trivia meme, here’s his instructions:

OK...here's your 'structions:

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to:

1. Choose a category from one of these: Television, Stage & Screen, Nightly News, Publishing, Lives & Times, Music
2. Find 8 bits of trivia about your selected category
3. Be sure to let me know when...ok, if...you decide to play along so I can see what you come up with.
4. You may tag, or simply offer the meme for borrowing or stealing as you like.


OK I’ve chosen Music, in particular Beatles songs

1. Yesterday started life under the name "Scrambled Eggs". McCartney wrote the line "Scrambled eggs, oh, my baby, how I love your legs", but nearly left the song unfinished because he thought he had heard the melody somewhere else.
   
   
2. John Lennon said that the song Norwegian Wood is about an affair he had, apparently with a female journalist. He later admitted that he had several affairs with other women during his marriage with Cynthia. McCartney said the song title was inspired by "cheap Norwegian pinewood."
   
   
3. Come Together was originally a political campaign song given to Timothy Leary, who in 1969 had decided to run as governor of California against Ronald Reagan, the future US president.
   
   
4. George Harrison's Something is the Beatles song that's been covered the most by other artists, after Yesterday. Frank Sinatra called it the "the greatest love song of the past fifty years."
   
   
5. Michelle is the most recorded Beatles song after Yesterday. It was Jan Vaughan, the wife of Paul McCartney's school friend Ian Vaughan, who came up with the phrase 'Michelle, ma belle'. Jan was a French teacher and she translated all the French phrases in the song on request from Paul, who didn't speak French.
   
   
6. Eleanor Rigby's grave is located in the graveyard of St Peter's Parish Church in Woolton, Liverpool, within yards of the spot where John and Paul met for the first time in 1957. However, the song Eleanor Rigby has, according to Paul McCartney, nothing to do with this gravestone. McCartney has said the name Rigby is taken from a shop in Bristol and that Eleanor is taken from actress Eleanor Bron, who starred in the Beatles movie Help!
   
   
7. Paul McCartney got the idea to the song She's Leaving Home in February 1967 after reading an article in the Daily Mirror about 17-year-old Melanie Coe who had run away from home. What McCartney didn't know at the time is that he had actually met Melanie three years before on the TV program Ready Steady Go.
   
   
8. On Lennon's song Girl from Rubber Soul, one can hear Paul and George constantly repeat the word "tit" in the background. John also breathes heavily several places. This could have been done to emphasize on the fact that the song had sexual references.

Thanks for starting this meme Travis, I really enjoyed doing it.

I’m not going to tag anyone but if you would like to do it feel free, just let Travis (and me) know you’re doing it and link it back please.

More Childhood Memories....

It was uncommon, when I was young, for working class people to have a car, but my uncle Adam had one. My Dad and his brother (Adam) went into business together and a couple of years on the business must have been doing well because Uncle Adam and Aunty Peggy bought a car. Uncle and Aunty had no children, just a Scottie dog called Morag, so they could afford a lot more luxuries than Mum and Dad, who had myself (8) and my brother (3) to provide for.

I thought the car was wonderful. I think it was a Ford Anglia, off white with a Salmon Pink roof, Aunty made a point of telling everyone the colour of the roof as though it was really important. To me the car was the height of luxury and Uncle and Aunty used to take us all out for a ride often, and as they paid for the petrol it meant that we had more outings than if we'd had to do the outings on the coach. I don’t think it was a big car but we managed quite well, Dad used to sit in the front with Uncle, Mum would sit in the back with brother on her knee, Aunty would also be in the back with Morag on her knee and I sat on a little stool in the back too. Of course there were no seat belts in cars in then and no thoughts regarding health and safety either!

I loved the outings in the car, we’d go to Blackpool or the Lake District, or just a drive in the country. We used to sing songs whilst riding along like ‘Ten Green Bottles’ and ‘There were 10 in the bed and the little one said, Roll Over, Roll Over’ or ‘We’re off, we’re off, we’re off in a motor car’. Uncle Adam was so much fun I adored him. I remember one particular time we had gone on a little jaunt and had to park the cark in a multi storey car park. As we were driving up the ramps into the car park Uncle said “you’ll all have to lean forward going up here so we don’t roll back!” Well of course we all leant forward, except my Dad who was laughing his head off. We always took a picnic which Mum and Aunty had lovingly prepared and I think that’s where my love of eating ‘al fresco’ originated.

I used to like dogs until Morag bit me! I was dancing with Uncle Adam one time when Morag jumped up and took a chunk out of my leg. It scared the living bejebus out of me and I was hysterical, I have been wary of dogs ever since, except our own lovely crossbred Guinness. So, as you can imagine, I really didn’t like sharing the back of the car with Morag on our trips. Morag and I would sit eyeing each other up and sometimes she used to bear her teeth at me and growl lowly if she thought I was having too much fun, she knew I was scared of her. Eventually Morag and I called a truce and she would even sit on my knee and let me stroke her head, but I still didn’t trust or like her very much! Anyway it was a small price to pay for being able to go out in the car.

I have such happy memories of our family trips in the car but once brother number 2 arrived a couple of years later there wasn’t enough room in the car for all of us, so the trips came to an end, well until a few years later when Dad passed his driving test and we got our very own family car. Now our grandchildren are so used to being ferried about in cars that if they go on a bus or a train it's a big thrill for them.

Oh happy Days!

Saturday Wordzzle # 10

The idea is, every week Raven (View From A Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either or both it's up to you, and you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge is: pleasant, flukey, desperation, penumbra, hoarsely, triumph, burden, colander, Kermit the Frog, lavender



Miss Piggy tried, in desperation, to contain her excitement as she drained the sprouts in the colander. Kermit the Frog was coming to dinner and if she pulled this off it would be her greatest triumph. Her decision to cook sprouts had been flukey but she was sure he would like them, him being green and all. At least she didn’t have the added burden of deciding what they would drink, Kermie said he’d bring the wine. She was looking forward to a pleasant evening, they would eat outside in the penumbra of the apple tree where they would be able to enjoy the fragrance of the lavender, which grew profusely around the patio. The doorbell chimed and Kermie stood there looking absolutely splendid in his tuxedo. Taking the bottle of wine from him Miss Piggy exclaimed her pleasure hoarsely, (hoping it sounded sexy and not like she had a cold), as she ushered him into the lounge. Kermie was apprehensive about the evening not knowing exactly what she had in mind but knowing Miss Piggy it wouldn’t be just an ordinary evening, it was going to be interesting to say the least. “Kermie my love, dinner’s ready………………”


And for the Mini Challenge: avalanche, masterpiece, yellow, alligator, thieving


Eduardo hadn’t thought twice about thieving the masterpiece from the Governor’s art collection but it didn’t seem like such a good idea now, as he fought his way through the avalanche of mud desperately hoping he and the painting would make it back to the rendezvous with the art collector. As he stopped to catch his breath an alligator with yellow eyes watched silently as Eduardo bent to wash the mud from his hands, it then lurched out of the water, grabbed him and the painting and rolled them to the bottom of the swamp.



Megawordzzle – using all 15 words



Brian was really looking forward to the safari, he’d been saving for two years to pay for it. He wanted this holiday so badly he had even, in desperation, got an evening job at the local pub. It had been a bit of a burden trying to save without starving, but the petty thieving he engaged at the pub had supplemented his income. As the day dawned for his departure he punched the air in triumph, at last he was going to realise his dream. It was a long flight, or seemed that way in the economy class seat, but the next seat was occupied by a pretty young woman called Dawn, who was, miraculously, booked on the same safari. Descending from the land rover at the camp he marvelled at the masterpiece that was the scenery. He found the accommodation to be quite pleasant, having a veranda in the penumbra of a huge Acacia tree. He was also surprised when he smelled the unmistakable scent of lavender, which he at first thought was growing, only to discover it was in the dishes of pot-pourri which were scattered about. They had been told they could drink the water but it was a bit flukey so he didn’t take the chance, opting for bottled instead. The makeshift open-air shower turned out to be a large colander through which the tepid water fed in more of a trickle than an avalanche, but it was adequate and added to the ambience of the place. He was thrilled to find that he got on well with Dawn and was hoping maybe there would be a bit of romance. Their days were spent out on the plains photographing the wildlife, with hairy moments like the day a rhino had charged the land rover and when a bull elephant had decided it didn’t like the look of them. He and Dawn spent hours talking about what they’d seen that day and at night, after the evening meal, they spent their time looking through the night-sight binoculars training them on the waterhole. The first time they used them he spotted two glowing yellow eyes, at first he thought it was an alligator but it turned out to be a Kermit the Frog look-alike which the guide identified by the chorus of croaks hoarsely emitting from it’s throat. Love blossomed, as Brian had hoped, he and Dawn would be a couple when they got back to England and they hoped to return to Kenya together. What he didn’t know was the landlord of the pub had discovered that he had been fiddling the till and had informed the police!

I'm away for the weekend, I will catch up with you all on Monday. Have a great weekend!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction # 24

I'm going away today for the weekend and have used the new blogger draft thingie (it's brilliant) to post my Friday 55 Fiction, and Saturday Wordzzle tomorrow. I will catch up with all your posts on Monday, via Google Reader another recent discovery of mine - I know I'm way behind the times but I'm no techie!

On 23rd April 1968 decimal coins reach the British high street in preparation for replacing Pounds (£) Shillings (s) and Pence (d) in 1971, much to the confusion of the British public.

I remember it well!

Decimal


5p, 10p, shilling and a florin.
50p for a ten bob note.
95 pence that’s nineteen shillings
We have to change, so better show willing.

No threepenny bit, no shiny new sixpence.
Twelve and half pence, that’s the old half crown.
Elevenpence-ha’penny used again - never.
We’re decimal now isn’t that clever!
£sd – gone - forever.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Memoir..........

Jo (Jo Beaufoix.com) tagged me for the six word memoir meme. She was tagged by Rosie who apparently nicked it from Miss Corey.

It all started over at Smith Magazine, and the copy and paste history is thus:


Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Last year, SMITH Magazine re-ignited the recountre by asking our readers for their own six-word memoirs. They sent in short life stories in droves, from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”).


The rules of the meme are:
1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5. Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

So, I had a think and I came up with the following:

1. Hatched, matched, will be (eventually) dispatched.
2. I cared, tried, hoped and loved
3. I did my best, hopefully enough.
4. Mucho ups, downs, in-betweens – my life!

I think I like #2 best, what do you think?

Now who to tag?

To be fair I choose the first 5 people who commented on my last post so that's:

Miss U ( A Sideways Look At Womanhood) - you said you were short of stuff to blog about!

Flowerpot (Flowerpot Days)

Buffalodickdy (Opinions & Rectums)

CG (The Compulsive Worrier)

Bee (Muffin53)

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NEW THINGS ON THE BLOG

MWM produced this award for me to hand out, it will be unique to people I give it to , not to be passed on.

I would like make the first recipient of the 'YOU'RE BRILLIANT' award

Tisha (Crazy Working Mom)

who very kindly helped me to condense my blogroll into the little scrolling box you see in my sidebar now. Thank you Tisha for all your help you are truly BRILLIANT!

If you don't see your blog there and you link to me please let me know so I can add you. If I've missed you off it was accidental honest!

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Also you may have noticed that I have taken all my awards off my sidebar and put them on a slide show instead. If you click on View All you can see who awarded me what.