Q. When should you use headlights?
A. To warn males of speed trap.
Q. When do you overtake on the left?
A. When the twerp in front won't move over.
Q. What documents do you take on the road?
A. Dairly Mirror, Sun, Playboy.
Q. When must you stop?
A. To have a pee, nooky or a pint in the pub.
Q. Where should you not park?
A. Outside the house of your mistress.
Q. What do you expect to see on a rural road.
A. Rural tarmac.
Q.How many types of pedestrian crossings are there?
A. Two, those who do and those who don't.
Q. What is the correct procedure for overtaking on the motorway?
A. Foot hard down, eyes shut and smile.
Q. When should you use the fast lane on the motorway?
A. When you are going home on a promise.
Q. What do you do in the event of a breakdown on a motorway?
A. Leave the bloody thing and hitch a lift home.
Q. What does a yellow box junction mean?
A. They have run out of white paint.
Q. What do broken white lines mean in the road?
A. Careless navvies.
Q. What does the highway code say about tyres?
A. Use only round ones.
Q. When can you cross double white lines in the road?
A. After 9 lagers, 2 vodkas and a whiskey.
Q. What must you check before leaving a building site?
A. That you have enough timber under the sheet for a new kitchen table.