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Sunday, 10 June 2007

A Brief History of the World. Part One....

By Richard Lederer, St. Paul's School, London. Printed in Spring 1987, Verbatim, The Language Quarterly, Vol XIII, No 4J. He says "One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. He has pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level."


The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elswhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irrigation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The bible is full of interesting cacicatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Even were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at player the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. a myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in the Illiad, by Homer. Home also wrote the Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbours were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered beacause the Persians had more men.

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a crual tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

34 comments:

la bellina mammina said...

Very fitting - after my trip to Greece - thanks!

Akelamalu said...

Bella
I bet you never got 'this' information in any of the catalogues did you? :)

RUTH said...

Your blog is definitely top of my "must reads"....hilarious!! Would love to pick out a favourite historical fact from this lot but too many to choose from! Laughing all the way back to the garden...
Rx

Akelamalu said...

ruth
We aim to please! ((smiles)) Look out for Parts 2 and 3!

CG said...

LOL love this :)

Jean-Luc Picard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jean-Luc Picard said...

Hilarious; a great potted history of everything!

Linda said...

History with a sense of humor - gotta love it!

By the by, I have tagged you for yet another meme over at my blog today. Sorry but I had to tag eight people and I just immediately thought of you! Feel free to decline if you'd like, though.

By the way, I still have the last one you tagged me with in the works. It's just a little more complicated than eight quick questions!

Akelamalu said...

cg
Glad you like it. :)

Akelamalu said...

jean-luc Picard
Greetings Captain and welcome to my blog. Glad you enjoyed the information! ;)

Akelamalu said...

Linda
Ok honey I'll take a look but I have one to do tomorrow and guess what, you're on it! It's a nice one though.

la bellina mammina said...

No I didn't!! But hey, I get my education from your blog!! ha ha

Akelamalu said...

bella
LOL I hope you never have to do an exam then! :)

Mike M said...

Better than the Mel Brooks movie!!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i was laughing so hard i had tears running down my cheeks and sarge woke up and said what the heck is so funny? this is priceless!

smiles, bee

Akelamalu said...

mike
I've not seen that one!

Akelamalu said...

bee
I'm gonna have to stop posting these if you're gonna keep waking Sarge up! :)

Queenie said...

Where do you get them??

"Early Bird" said...

Okie Dokie!!
:)

Akelamalu said...

queenie
I have a LARGE file, collected over many years! :)

Akelamalu said...

early bird
Does that mean you already knew all this honey? :)

CS said...

You mean, that's not all true? I was sure that's what I heard when I was sleeping, I mean listening in class.

R2K said...

I just posted your image : )

Elween said...
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Elween said...

Great summary, I love history. Can’t wait for Part Two!

Akelamalu said...

cs
LOL me too!

Akelamalu said...

R2
Ok thanks, I'll take a look.

Akelamalu said...

elween
Soon, m'dear!

Paul Champagne said...

My favorite Greek Column is of course the "Ironic Column"

Pearls of Wisdom said...

Hilarious and priceless.

Angel ():)

Akelamalu said...

paul
I love irony, especially in columns!

Akelamalu said...

angel
Glad you enjoyed it. :)

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