Followers

Saturday, 2 June 2007

DOH........

THE FOLLOWING QUESTION AND ANSWERS WERE COLLECTED FROM GCSE EXAM RESULTS . THESE ARE GENUINE RESPONSES (16 YEAR OLDS)



GEOGRAPHY

Q: Name the four seasons?
A: Salt, Pepper, Mustard And Vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink?
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A Body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

SOCIOLOGY

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.


BIOLOGY

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (eg abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels a,e,i,o,u

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does varicose mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "caesarean section"?
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.


ENGLISH

Q: Use the word judicious in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can feel soft as your face.

Q: What does the word benign mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


TECHNOLOGY

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an arab or sikh wears on his head

My knee
Saturday 2nd June
Feeling good, I think it's turned the corner!

22 comments:

Cream said...

I could say I'll benign next year but that would be telling a fibula!
I had a good laugh on this grey Saturday morning, Akela.

Akelamalu said...

cream
Nice to see you back. You got grey skies there? It's sunny and hot here! Glad you had a laugh. :)

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

honey i was laughing so hard i woke up sarge! this was so funny! have a wonderful weekend...

smiles, bee

Akelamalu said...

bee
Oh don't tell him it was me made you laugh bee, I don't wanna upset sarge! :) You have a wonderful weekend too. x

letha said...

I love all of them so funny.

I'll try typing you instructions tonight by the way.

Akelamalu said...

letha
Thanks, make 'em simple please! :(

Josh said...

Akela, I didn't pay attention to the directions. On the meme, I just hyperlinked the text as I would a link.

Take care.

Akelamalu said...

josh
OK I'll do the same but I'll take out that bit as it's confusing. :0

MarmiteToasty said...

((((akelamalu))))) omg that so made me laff, Ive just read them to me lads and they are well laffing....... my Sam did on one of his English papers write...... 'fort' instead of 'thought' but then thats cos of our pompey accent lol..... he aint never gonna live that one down :)

fanks for the well proper laffs LOL

x

RUTH said...

Really needed that laugh...your posts yesterday and today have done me the power of good!
Rx

CG said...

Really giggled over these!!!

talj said...

Oh what a chuckle this has given me!!!Thanks for making me smile and glad to hear your Knee is doing good :o)

Linda said...

But premature death is a major disease related to smoking! That answer sounds right to me!

It's funny, I have some of these same medical terms in a post that I have set to go tomorrow. Brilliant minds really do think alike!

Paul Champagne said...

Q: How do you delay milk from turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow

I hope the kid got credit for this answer ... he's right.

headless chicken said...

This made K and I laugh too.The benign one is my favourite but marmitetoastys comment made us laugh even more! :D

Elween said...

ho ho ho...my biology teacher will kill me if i answer those questions like that! but i love it!those kids are brilliant, haha :)

Mike M said...

SO FUNNY!!!!! I love them all.

Glad to hear the knee is even better.

Keep turning corners!!!!

-0-0-

Nea said...

haha, hard to believe that kids in high school came up with these.......scarey what kids aren't learning in school huh. but it was very funny.

Akelamalu said...

marmitetoastie
Glad you and the boys enjoyed it.

ruth
You so need to laugh honey, if you don't you'll cry. ((hug))

cg
A giggle a day keeps the doctor away!

Linda
I'm looking forward to your post. :)

Paul
I think so too, and ingenious answer.

headless chicken
Marmitetoastie's a scream! :)

elween
Don't use these answers you'll flunk!

mike
Thanks, I will. :)

nea
Definitely scary what goes on in some kids heads. :(

CS said...

Are you sure all those answers weren't from George Bush?

Akelamalu said...

cs
Could be!

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