Followers

Monday, 6 August 2007

Quick Giggles Part Four......

We're off out again tomorrow, to York this time 09.30 train, so I won't have time to post. I'll leave you with this and catch up with you soon.



ACTUAL LINES FROM MILITARY PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS



  1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
  2. A room temperature IQ.
  3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
  4. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
  5. As bright as Alaska in December.
  6. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
  7. He's so dense, light bends around him.
  8. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
  9. It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm.
  10. Takes him two hours to watch 60 minutes.
  11. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:



  1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
  2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside".
  3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
  4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost".
  5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on botttom of box): "Do not turn upside down".
  6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
  7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
  8. On Boot's Children's Cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
  9. On Nytol Sleep aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
  10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
  11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
  12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".
  13. On an American airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts".
  14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

    Read Quick Giggles Parts 1, 2 and 3.

43 comments:

Family Adventure said...

Hi there... just browsing through blogs and came across yours. Very funny! Love the label instructions. My favourite is no. 11. Hilarious. Thanks for sharing!

Heidi

Pauline said...

It's scary to think that some of these instructions are the result of problems previouslyexperienced by consumers.lol

Linda said...

So that's why my hair always looks so funny! I've been using my hairdryer while sleeping! Guess I should have read the label!

Nea said...

haha, all very funne Akela, you would think some of those instructions would not be necessary. Wouldn't you..haha

I watch British mysteries, and they are always mentioning places that I would love to visit. I am going to have to some day.......York sounds wonderful. Will you get a few pics?

CS said...

Another good set. Hey, when you get back, you can see that I've posted my inspirational awards. Thanks again.

la bellina mammina said...

WHERE did you get all these??!! Too funny!!
Have a great in York - can't wait to see the photos again!! :-)

RUTH said...

Hope you hada fabulous day and didn't experience #6. R; the food warnings..I've actually noticed some of these myself...I did have a microwave instruction book once that said "Do not use to dry pets!!!" :o)
Rx

Catch said...

Very cute Akelamalu,,,where do you get these things??? lol

buffalodickdy said...

I guess the one that scares me here in the USA is the Braille on the buttons of the drive-up ATMs...

HAR said...

Funny post :)

Mike M said...

OK, this is sooooo funny and so true. It's sad what companies have to do to cater to people and keep away the law suits

The Rotten Correspondent said...

I guess there's no overestimating the "average" consumer. Sigh. Have a great trip.

Josh said...

How 'bout "the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top"?

Take care, and HAVE FUN!

Shaz said...

Lol . . . The tag you dropped us ages ago (sorry) will be up later today.

Hope you had a good day, I love York & all that history x x

Jenny! said...

All those stupid warnings are on products because people have actually attempted those moronic moves...and probably tried to sue!

JoAnn-NL said...

Hi, Thanks for you reaction on my blog, I publiced now also some of my Travel pics ,( soon more)

Greetings from JoAnn

Dan's Fi-ver said...

What always makes me laugh at work are the instructions and advice that come with drugs used for anaesthetics, like you would want to give yourself one, its ridiculous!!

Smalltown RN said...

I guess that's why we have the say....."things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm...." Thanks for dropping by ....I am trying to catch up....hope life is treating you well....our boys have now left and a huge void currently is in our lives.....today I worked overtime...and then came home and did house chores...just to keep me busy so I don't think about missing them.....cheers......

crazy working mom said...

That is just too funny!

Thanks for the laugh.

Kim's Life said...

Ok I have been feeling sick ands sorry for myself but I was laughing when I read this.
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
LOL Thanks for the laugh.

Akelamalu said...

Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment Family Adventure, I hope you'll call in again. :)

Akelamalu said...

That's the scary part Pauline!

Akelamalu said...

Oh you should definitely read the instructions Linda LOL

Akelamalu said...

No you wouldn't think the instructions would be necessary Nea as mostly they are just common sense - that's what makes them so funny don't you think?

Akelamalu said...

I'll be over soon cs to take a look. :)

Akelamalu said...

Glad you enjoyed them Bella

Akelamalu said...

"Don't use to dry pets"???? Who thinks them up Ruth??

Akelamalu said...

That's my secret Catch ((wink))

Akelamalu said...

That's a joke right buffalodickdy? Please tell me it is!

Akelamalu said...

Glad you had a laugh Har :)

Akelamalu said...

Yep Mike that's what it all boils down to alrighty!

Akelamalu said...

I don't think manufacturers can afford to take any chances these days rotten correspondent.

Akelamalu said...

That's a 'bit' worrying Josh !

Akelamalu said...

I'll be over soon to take a look Shaz, thanks.

Akelamalu said...

Precisely Jenny!

Akelamalu said...

I'll be visiting you soon Joan-nl :)

Akelamalu said...

Tell us more Dan's Fi-ver?

Akelamalu said...

Yep smalltown rn, and you'll soon get used to the empty nest!

Akelamalu said...

You're welcome crazy working mom :)

Akelamalu said...

A good laugh is the best medicine Kim. :)

julia said...

All the military appraisals had me on the floor laughing!!!

Akelamalu said...

A good laugh is good Julia!

somebody said...

酒店經紀人,菲梵酒店經紀,酒店經紀,禮服酒店上班,酒店小姐,便服酒店經紀,酒店打工,酒店寒假打工,酒店經紀,酒店經紀,專業酒店經紀,合法酒店經紀,酒店暑假打工,酒店兼職,便服酒店工作,酒店打工經紀,制服酒店經紀,專業酒店經紀,合法酒店經紀,酒店暑假打工,酒店兼職,便服酒店工作,酒店打工,酒店經紀,制服酒店經紀,酒店經紀