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Saturday, 7 July 2007

Quick Giggles Part One......

Before I let you loose on the quick giggles I just wanted to tell you I'm going away tomorrow, so this will be my last post for a couple of weeks.

We are going to El Gouna on the Red Sea (Egypt). It was a last minute, all inclusive, deal and I've checked the hotel out on the internet, including customer reviews, and it sounds fantastic! Obviously I will take loads of photographs and tell you all about it when I get back. Oh, and my knee is doing so well I won't be taking a crutch with me!

Please try not to blog too much whilst I'm away then I won't miss anything!

Enjoy a laugh now.............


EXTRACTS FROM ACTUAL LETTERS SENT TO VARIOUS COUNCILS AND HOUSING ASSOCIATIONS THROUGHOUT THE UK:

  1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

  2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.


  3. ........ and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.


  4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?


  5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.


  6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.


  7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.


  8. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.


  9. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.


  10. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.


  11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.


  12. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.


  13. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.


  14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6 a.m. his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.


  15. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.


  16. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.


  17. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.


  18. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.


  19. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.


  20. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.


  21. .........and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.


  22. .....that is his excuse for his dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

76 comments:

la bellina mammina said...

Oh...I'm so jealous now!! Love the joke...Have a great vacation, but if you don't hurry back home, I'm gonna pinch all your awards!
;-) Will miss you!

RUTH said...

Thanks for the giggles... some great ones! I remember my mum once saying a workman had insisted that he had to "come up her back passage"; Mick & I just looked at each other and burst out laughing while my poor Mum sat there looking at us as though we were mad wondering what was so funny about that! Have a really wonderful holiday; Egypt is one of those dream destinations. Will miss you loads (I mean that) but look forward to all the posts and photos when you get back.
{hugs}
Rx

la bellina mammina said...

hmmm, isn't it only 05/07/07 today??!

The New Kid In Town said...

Oh my God, I should have read that earlier! Welcome to Egypt, dear (It's me; Princess of Egypt). We will be really glad to have you around. I do hope you enjoy your vacation here :)

Dumdad said...

I'm puzzled like la bellina mammina - it's the 5th today -gosh, are you a time traveler as well!
Have a great time. My family and I are away at exactly the same time so I shan't miss any of your blog, thank goodness.

Flowerpot said...

have a wonderful holiday and look forward to hearing about it when you get back!

Shaz said...

Thanks or the giggles. have a fab trip & please bring back some sun x x x

JYankee said...

LOL LOL LOL Do enjoy your trip to Egypt.. a place I almost had a chance to go to...but didn't. It was for work anyways...so wouldn't been much fun.

Expect loads of photos!

Akelamalu said...

Bella thanks honey. Of course you're right it isn't the 07/07/07 at all I forgot to turn the calendar over and am looking at Thursday 7th June! I'm too excited! :)

Akelamalu said...

Mum's and Grans come out with some funny things don't they Ruth Hey hang on a minute I'm a mum and a gran! I'll miss you too honey, I'll take plenty of photos to show you when I get back. x

Akelamalu said...

Take no notice of me dumdad I'm going off my rocker!! Have a great holiday yourself, that's one less blog I'll have to catch up on! :)

Pauline said...

I just made the mistake of trying to drink a cup of tea whilst reading this post. That's ok though I only turned purple choking with laughter. Note to self, cannot drink and laugh at same time. Have a great holiday and thanks for almost killing me before you left(teehee)

Akelamalu said...

new kid in town
We have been to Egypt before - Nile Cruise and Luxor. We enjoyed it very much but wanted to see a different part of your fascinating country. I did a post about our holiday in Egypt recently. You can see it here

http://akelamalu.blogspot.com/2007/05/egypt.html

if you're interested.
Thanks for dropping by I hope you'll call in again. :)

Akelamalu said...

Thanks flowerpot I'll do my best! :)

Akelamalu said...

I'll wish you some sun whilst I'm away Shaz, see you in a couple of weeks. x

Akelamalu said...

jyankee I hope you get to go there one day, it's a fascinating country. :)

Akelamalu said...

Ooops, sorry about that Pauline :)

buffalodickdy said...

Have fun on vacation! When you read these communication bloopers, it always reminds me of a phrase I read once; "I wish people that have trouble expressing themselves would just shut up"!

Akelamalu said...

Ah buffalodickdy, but if they did we'd have nothing to laugh at would we? :)

Mike M said...

Funny, funny, funny!!

Have a fun and safe trip! See you back here in a couple of weeks.

Akelamalu said...

You will mike, thanks. :)

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Have an absolutely fabulous time on your trip! I'm so jealous I could spit, so take lots of pics for us all!

Miss Understood said...

Thanks for the giggles! Hope you have a great time. x

Claire said...

At last people are starting to take my no posting till i am back seriously!lol.

Hope you have a great time :)and dont burn your knob off.

Josh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda said...

Sounds like a wonderful holiday you have planned! I am green with envy but happy for you at the same time! Will look forward to lots of pictures and stories when you return!

As for this list, I laughed a lot! Especially liked #14 and I am now thinking I need to move across the street from a farm!!

Have a wonderful trip!!!

Josh said...

My blog & I will miss you greatly!

Annie said...

i am green with envy. have a wonderful trip and return safely. can't wait to see the pix.

Jenny! said...

Have an amazing trip! That sounds fantastic and I am deeply jealous!

Akelamalu said...

No spitting, kicking, biting allowed here rotten correspondent. ((wink)) I'll share all when I come back. :)

Akelamalu said...

Glad you had a giggle miss u, and thanks. x

Akelamalu said...

Claire if you get back online before I get back, don't you dare post anything!! I'll remind MWM not to burn his knob off! ;)

Akelamalu said...

Thanks Linda.
#14 - what a way to be woken up!

Akelamalu said...

Aw thanks Josh I will you and your blog too! x

Akelamalu said...

I'll do my best annie and hopefully I will have some tales to tell when I get back. :)

Akelamalu said...

Oh don't be jealous jenny I'll share it with you when I get back. :)

Mark said...

Some crackers their, enjoy your holiday and whatch out you dont bump into Dick Emery....

T*mmy said...

Oh, I hope you have a wonderful time!!
:)
PS...this is EB with a name change ;)

Misslionheart said...

You're just as funny as me! lol


I'm hearing Erasure on your blog! Love it! I'm leaving it on while I blog-hop!

Dan said...

Funny stuff! I wonder how funny the responses were?

Drunk Mummy said...

Have a fabulous time! Get that dodgy knee in the sea - it will do it the power of good.
Have a few cocktails for me!

headless chicken said...

Absolutely bloody hilarious!!!
Me,K and Renegade were peeing ourselves!!! Number 20 really tipped me over the edge...so much I couldn't speak!!!!

Josie Two Shoes said...

These were delightfully funny, Ake, but even more delightful is the news of your trip to Eygpt - WOW! How fascinating! Can't wait for the pictures. Have a wonderful time!!

crazy working mom said...

Bwahahahahaha!! Too funny, banging his balls against my face!

OMY...banging on the floor...those were great.

123Valerie said...

Ooooooh, nice redesign. Very nice.

I love to pictures too, doll. You are a foxy mama--as if I had any doubt!

Pearls of Wisdom said...

Thanks for the giggles. I will miss you, your sweet posts and comments . Have a great time. I can't wait to see the pictures. Still laughing over the balls against the fence.

Smiles, light, and blessings,
Angel ( Angel Mama ) ():)

Cream said...

I love your toilet humour, Akela...
Have a good time in Egypt!

CG said...

thanks for the jokes and have a great holiday ....will miss you xxxx

julia said...

I was laughing so hard here at work, I was in tears. "Are you crying?" one of my co-workers asked. I could only keep laughing and point at the monitor.

Have a wonderful trip, Akelamalu! We'll all miss you!

Dave said...

VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRy funny jokes. I wish you well on your trip. Have a wonderful time. We will talk when you get back.

Yazi said...

LOL LOL LOL :D
these are halirous !!!
thanks for putting giggles in my tummy
tc... =D
yazi~/

Paul Champagne said...

Owww ... I hate it when my balls bang the fence.

Have a great vacation.

Elween said...

love the jokes. thought i couldn't understand some part of it.

enjoy your trip and hope to hear lots of interesting event happened in your vacation! :) and most importantly take care.

Camplin said...

I love the list, somehow I think there is a great short story here.

Mimi Lenox said...

Egypt? I'm so jealous.
Have a wonderful wonderful time. We can't wait to hear the details and see the pics.
Be safe.

Palm Springs Savant said...

OK- those are HYSTERICALLY FUNNY. You've had me rolling on the floor. Thanks for the chuckle, I really needed it this morning as well.

Have a great trip to the red sea!

Gledwood said...

Excellent stuff.
Have a great time at the Red Sea... do make sure you at least go out in a glass-bottomed boat if you don't go diving: the coral's meant to be some of the best in the entire world ...
Have you seen the pyramids & all that? I was thinking of them only today, strangely. Wow! I would love to see them!!
You're in my links now! Sorry it took so long, they've got really disorganized and I was going to delete the people who never get in touch with me... but this is such a formidable task I'm just adding the people who DO keep in touch .
Have a great time abroad!

All the best

Gleds

ps is that Barry White playing?

Around My Kitchen Table said...

Have a great holiday, Akelamalu. Not that we're at all jealous, what with the wonderful weather we've been having in the good old UK (!).
Love the list - still laughing!

Calamity Jane said...

Ooooh I do have the same problem as the lady in No 3 ...

ciara said...

lmao @ the giggles. i thought i would pop over to a follow scorpio's blog via queenie's. hope u don't mind if i stop over now and again. i need to read some of the other posts (as they are interesting) when i get a chance..right now i'm off to get ready for stepson's baseball game. tc

Linda said...

When you get back from your lovely holiday I have given you an award in your absence. Please check out my post for Sunday, 7/8 to collect it!

MarmiteToasty said...

((((ake))) sorry I aint been around, just busy as a fly on poo......

Jebus girl, where do you come up with these posts ROTFLMFAO!!!! to funny....

Have a great time in Egypt... I treated my son and his girlfriend last year with a holiday in Egypt for her 21st birthday treat, you will have a GREAT time..... be safe....xxxxxx

Leanne said...

i was at work once and had to ask where a customer wanted there goods left if they happened to be out.... they answered as innocently as anything ...oh just leave it in my back passage....i really had to try and hold my laughter in!!! hope you have a great holiday x

Shaz said...

Hope you are enjoying your trip & when you get back there's a Schmoozer for you at our place x x x

Mark said...

Hi Akelamalu,

If you see this when you get back i have nominated you for a Schmoozer...

Cheers Mark

Catch said...

the jokes were so funny!!! esp the one about the bush...lmao. have a great time on your vacation and do take us lots of pics!!!! Huggs!

Cindy said...

those are hilarious! Enjoy your trip to Egypt and we'll be waiting for all those pictures!

CS said...

Those are hysterical!

Have a fabuloius trip.

JoAnn-NL said...

Wow, I was wondering if I would post a comment and if you are able to read them all, but what I want to say is: HAVE a GREAT trip to Egypt,

I have been there also , ( 10 years ago)we went by boat (A fellucca?)on the river, this was very interesting. I also remember the children, they wanted to 'polish' my shoes, but ehh I was wearing gymnastic shoes, not very handy for them. I saw a lot of children working there on the streets. I wonder if its still that way now?

When you visit my blog... I am leaving next week for France, wiil be back medium of August... Have fun there!

JoAnn from Holland

Josh said...

Ha, these are funny!

Hey, Akela, Queenie mentioned wanting me to design a template for her, but everytime I try to open her blog, it closes down my internet. Could you find out for me if she still wants a new template! Thanks, Dear!

Donna said...

ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!

=)

I hope you have a terrific time in Egypt! I can't wait to see your pictures when you return!

Erika said...

I found you from skittles. Very funny stuff!

Elisi said...

oh-see-yoh

Akelamalu said...

Thank you all for visiting whilst I was away, I'll be over to see you all very soon. :)

elena jane said...

oh wow, egypt, i hope it was lovely and will be back to see photos :)

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