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Monday, 13 October 2008

Portrait Of Words #2

Jeff (A Word in Edgewise) has started up this monthly challenge, derived from a previous challenge from R.E.H.'s "Picture Fiction Challenge".
Each month Jeff gives FOUR pictures which represent THE CATEGORIES and THREE pictures which represent THE WILD CARDS.

The object is to:

Write a story of any length or style. Long or short, comedy or tragedy, fact or fiction, etc,etc... it's up to you.

Use each of the picture representations in your story. (one from the wild card options)


Here are the guidelines:

THE CATEGORIES:
Main Character(s): Your story can be told through or about this person(s), i.e. first or third person. Either way you go, their involvement in the story should be a focal point. Have as many or as few additional characters as you wish, but at least one of the ones pictured should be central to the overall story.


Backdrop: This will create the setting for your story. It can take place at the location depicted, be a destination to it, or be a journey from it.



Purpose: This is what drives or motivates the main character(s) to action. It can also be viewed as the objective of the story.




Item(s): The object(s) should have a significant value to the main character, backdrop or purpose of the story.




Wild Cards: Writers choice here. Choose one of the three options to use in your story anyway you see fit.
Here are the portraits for the basis of the story.





Here's my story.  In case you don't realise I used Wild Card 1.



Taking the key from her handbag, Marie placed it carefully in the locker at the airport, it would be safe there until they were able to return. Turning to look at Brian she nodded and they took hold of the handles on their suitcases and wheeled them towards the departure gate for the 3.30 flight to Spain.


This flight was the gateway to a new life. Sitting waiting for the gate to open Brian and Marie talked about what they’d do in Spain for the next four months. They’d hired a private villa in the mountains and a car so they could tour the area looking for a property to buy. They had decided that’s where they wanted to live permanently. Money wasn’t a problem they could afford to buy the best and live in luxury. They were so looking forward to the rest of their lives.

At first Marie had been shocked when she’d found out about Brian’s plan. She had always been a model citizen, working at the housing department of the local council since she’d left school. Brian had somehow got involved with a gang who were going to highjack a security van delivering gems to a jewellers. They’d be rich, Brian told her, they’d stash the gems in an unoccupied house that she could get the keys for, the police would never find it. She could fix it so that it looked as though the house was occupied on the system, pack her job in and they could spend a few months in Spain then, once the heat had died down, come back to retrieve the gems.

As they reached the aircraft they offered the stewardess their boarding passes. Suddenly they were surrounded by police and in a flurry of activity they were handcuffed and found themselves in separate interview rooms.

They were questioned for hours. Both refused to say anything but it seemed that the police knew everything there was to know. They had found the jewels in the house, but how?

One of Marie’s colleagues had done a bit of investigating when she thought Marie had been acting suspiciously. She realised that a key to an empty house was missing but couldn’t find out which house it belonged to because Marie had covered it up so well on the system. The woman thought Marie had fiddled the system to get a house for a friend, but became even more suspicious when Marie submitted her resignation.

Suddenly it hit Marie, she recognised the balding copper, he was her colleague’s husband and he’d been sitting reading a paper near the locker when she had deposited the key for the house.

He was off duty and giving a friend a lift to the airport when he spotted Marie and her husband, who he recognised as a face the police thought was connected to the security van highjack. He telephoned his boss with his suspicions and got permission to open the locker. Dopey Marie had left a tag attached to the key showing the address of the house!

36 comments:

Lanny said...

That was short and sweet. Great job, a good full story in in very little time. Nice. I wish I could pare down like that.

CrazyCath said...

Now that was a completely different take on the prompts but still on the criminal line! We all seem to have seen crime in there somewhere.

Great write Akelamalu, as always. You are a talented lady.

cheshire wife said...

Fascinating story. It just shows that crime does not pay and what a small world we live in.

lime said...

hi akelamelu, i know this doesn't really have anything to do with your post and I am rather late in getting around but I wanted to thank you for the birthday greetings you left at my place. It was most appreciated.

Sandi McBride said...

I LOVE IT! In short, crime doesn't pay, does it? LOL...poor dopey Marie...I felt sorry for her, in a way...all the time I was throwing her in the clink in my mind!!
hugs
Sandi
ps
mine is up, too

B. Roan said...

Loved the way you compacted the story. You told it well in fewer words than I ever could. Very enjoyable read! BJ

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

interesting... i can never seem to write fiction though so i don't participate. but i read!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Casdok said...

Excellent!
And what a great challenge!

Akelamalu said...

Welcome Lanny and thank you I'm pleased you enjoyed it. :)

We must all have criminal minds Cath! :0 LOL

It's not very often crooks get away with it is it Cheshire Wife? ;)

You're very welcome Lime :)

I felt a bit sorry for Marie too Sandi cos she was dopey and got sucked in.:(

Why thankyou b.roan and welcome to my humble abode! :)

It's a great way to get the grey matter working Bee, which is why I do it, though there are others who take part who are just fantastic at it!

Thanks Casdok, might you join in?

Daryl said...

Well done .. I now want more, please!

:-Daryl

The Dotterel said...

Nice denouement!

Linda said...

So when you become a published author, may I say that I knew you when? You do so very well with these things!

Julia Smith said...

I agree with everyone here - a well-done take on those prompts, without the padding that writers everywhere strive to shave off during revisions. Show us how it's done! In typical Akelamalu fashion, you saved the obvious character for your patented twisty ending.

Jeff B said...

It seems that crime and intrigue are a part of our stories this month. Guess the photos just steered us that direction.

Marie...what a goof! Leaving the tag on the keys.

Lu' said...

Too bad Marie doesn't know that NOTHING is worth doing time for.

Cherie said...

It's like they say. It's the little things that get you caught. Cute story, and who can blame them? Who wouldn't want to spend a month in a villa in Spain. ;)

g-man said...

You should do this for a living...G

Akelamalu said...

Ah thanks Daryl, I appreciate you reading. x

Thanks Dotterel

LOL I don't think I have a novel in my Linda, but I thank you for your confidence in me my friend. x

You are far too kind in your comments of my missives Julia but I thank you. x

Quite a few of us went down the crime route didn't we Jeff? Thanks.

You are so right Lu but some people haven't got the sense they were born with have they?

I'd love to spend my dotage in a villa in spainCherie but I'm too 'striaght' like the majority of folk to do a crime to fund it. Glad you enjoyed the story.:)

Haha If I thought I could possibly do this for a living I'd be packing up my job right now g-Man - I'm not nearly good enough m'dear but thank you for your confidence in me. xx

acey said...

what a challenge, ake! you did great, too. i enjoyed reading your story and looking for the items included in the challenge. i wish i have the same creativity and imagination as you. hehe. great job! :D

Dr.John said...

A well written story. Your characters took on a life of their own. Clever ending as well.

Akelamalu said...

Aw thanks Acey x

Why thank you so much Dr. John, but having read your contribution I can only bow to a master! :)

Deb said...

I'd just like to say~ please send me an autographed copy of your mystery 'who dunnit' novel that I have a feeling you will write someday ~ and if you don't write it what a waste it will be! At least this one didn't scare me as much as some of your stories have in the past ;)

Akelamalu said...

Deb m'dear, I am just not disciplined enough to write a novel. I have thought I might put all my 55s, wordzzles and POW together and publish them. If I do, I will certainly send you a signed copy for being so kind about my writing. xx

Daisy said...

You are definitely a fiction writer- I'm always so impressed with your takes on these challenges you take up. This is was perfect! x

Akelamalu said...

AW you're too kind daisy,thankyou. x

Louise said...

"Crime doesn't pay!" I was totally expecting this to go a different direction.

Thank you for popping by my blog last week. I've been on a vacation of sorts so have been quite neglectful of my blogging duties but am catching up when I have a few snippets of time here and there.

That whole business (above this) about your son's issues and the immigrants. Well, that has to make anyone more than somewhat irritable. I'm glad you wrote the letter. I think many people just take whatever which doesn't ever improve anything.

Dianne said...

I'm only on the second story - 3 if you count mine and we all have crime in there somewhere!! I wonder what that says.

Dopey Marie!!

What does it say about me that I'm rooting for the criminals. Cath's guy and now your couple. Must be our economy ;)

Wonderful story Akelamalu!

Akelamalu said...

Welcome Louise, so nice to see you. Thanks for your thoughts on my son's troubles and I agree if nobody does anything nothing changes.

It made me laugh too that we all saw 'crime' in the pictures this month Dianne. I was so impressed with your story, it was truly magnificent m'dear. x

Raven said...

Well done... Some people are just not natural born criminals...

Akelamalu said...

And they always get caught don't they Raven?

storyteller said...

Hmmm… WONDERFUL story here once again … and upon reflection, methinks it might be time to rethink my ‘handle’ since YOU’RE clearly a storyteller and I’m not. Perhaps I’ll make a transition on my 1st Blogoversary in 5 days … seriously.
Hugs and blessings,

Akelamalu said...

You're going to change your name Storyteller?

storyteller said...

I'm giving it some serious thought ... hoping to come up with something else. I'm open to suggestions ;--)
Hugs and blessings,

Travis said...

DOH! Just when you think you've pulled off the perfect crime!

Property in Spain said...

Hi! nice site and maintained your good job.

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