Sunday, 16 December 2007

A New Drug.....

As the season of excess is almost upon us you may be interested in this new drug.

  • Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
  • Do you suffer from shyness?
  • Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine.

White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine.

However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of White Wine is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

The consumption of White Wine may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

The consumption of White Wine may be a major factor in getting your a** se kicked.



Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I much prefer a Cabernet Sauvignon, but white wine is OK, too. And if it’s healthy, well I can accept that.

buffalodickdy said...

*****! That's my 5-star rating for funny! My wife likes white wine (I refer to it as "blinding" white wine!)and she will die laughing.

Bankerchick said...

I had white wine at my Christmas party and I'm sure that I danced funny and I did sing while I was dancing!

storyteller said...

Thanks for the holiday "cheer" and all the warnings. I always appreciate a good laugh and had to pick myself up off the floor to type this reply. Methinks I'll stick to "the pink stuph" (or white zin as so many So Cal folks think is chic) and hope for the best.
Hugs and blessings,

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

have to try that! sounds like loads of fun!

smiles, bee

Linda said...

Why I believe I have a bottle of this very drug sitting in my refrigerator as I type this! If it wasn't a Sunday morning and I didn't have to go into work in a few hours, I might give this new drug a spin and see how it goes!

JOYcdan said...

thank you very much..hope you can vote my Joydob blog here link
have a nice sunday...

Akelamalu said...

I prefer Red wine Nick, but as you say if white wine is healthy - why not?

Glad you found it funny Buffalo :) Blinding white wine - I like it!

See Bankerchick it's all true!! :)

I love white zin too storyteller, in fact there's not much I don't like! :)

Try it on your cruise next week Bee!

Try it later Linda! :)

That link doesn't seem to work joycdan.

Mark said...

Hi Akelamalu,
I only seem to get a partial effect from this drug. So far I can dance like a chicken(so my daughter says) and sing like Pavaroti, not sure I would want the other effects. No real ale thats another matter....

Cheers Mark

Mark said...

Woops should be now real ale

Hic hic

Miss Understood said...

Im laughing so hard I don't think I can type properly. White wine is my drug, I'm afraid.

And none of what you wrote is true. Obviously!

Akelamalu said...

You can sing like Pavaroti Mark? Go on give us a song. :) I like real ale too, like I said there's not much I don't like! :}

What none of it is true Miss U? Are you sure??? :)

Maddy said...

Certainly worked a treat for me last night!

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

Queenie said...

Tried and tested, didn't we discover it?

Gledwood said...

Darling I don't need to imagine anything: red plonk was my poison of choice, right up until the "heroin years" intervened..!


Little Wing said...

Oh I much prefer the red, and after consuming it at weddings I can dance like I was black!

Mimi Lenox said...

Very funny. I love Chardonnay. I think I may be in trouble here...

Flowerpot said...

I'll drink either and it works for me! Great Post, Ak.

JOYcdan said...

Haha..I am number1 shy type of person..Good in communicating through writings..but wine makes me laugh when I get intoxicated..I love red wine..

Tavolini said...

hahaha!!! That is my FAVORITE medication :)

Ron said...

Good God, Woman...this post is TOO-TOO funny!!!!


I can't drink white wine at all (it freaks me out). I just tried Shiraz...and it was awesome!

Thanks for wonderful laugh, my friend!


Akelamalu said...

Were you partying then Maddy??? :)

Queenie that was Brendi!! :0 (and for those of you that don't know Brendi is the right spelling - don't ask!)

You should have stuck to the red wine Gleds my darling. x

LOL I wish I could dance like I was black Little Wing, but no amount of alcohol makes me that good!

Depends on how much you drink Mimi! :)

Both work for me too Flowerpot. I'm getting worried now are all bloggers lushes??

Ah yes joycdan wine can give you the giggles!

Mine too Tavolini, thanks for calling in. :)

Right you stick to the Shiraz Ron we don't want you freaky! :)

Cream said...

I usually always overdose on red.
Thanks for the warnings.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

That is hilarious! I think I recognize myself in quite a few of those!

And my third kid probably should be named Chardonnay.

Akelamalu said...

Does Red have the same effects on you Cream?

LOL thank goodness we're not drunk when we name our kids eh Correspondent! :0

Gledwood said...

Fewer "congeners" (headachey chemicals) in white than red: another advantage!!

Gledwood said...

O, re your reply yes I know I wish I had stuck to the red, in fact if I had a bottle right now I might well cry about it!


Akelamalu said...

You're right about the headaches with too much red Gleds.:(

Anndi said...

Is there a limit to how much of this is allowed in a house? Or will they show up soon and cart me off?

Maybe I should start getting rid of some of the evidence...

butterflies said...

Red wine has always been my medication of choice..merlot:)
Its good for the blood and takes away shyness(I think I used to be shy)..
White wine is too easy to drink and I could finish off a whole bottle without realisiing it..
Now red wine...I drink half a bottle so that means its cheaper drinking..right??

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee hee.
I love the first warning - white wine may make you think you're whispering when you're not. That is so true.

TopChamp said...

the red wine i've ben drinking prob makes this even funnier!

julia said...

I'm with Jo Beaufoix - 'The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not.' LOL!! White Wine definitely used to be one of my favorite things, especially Pinot Grigio. But now I've moved on to single malt whisky. Mmm, Glenfiddich...

Elween said...

is this post meant to be a joke? coz i don't see any funny stuff sounds scary though...haha...thank goodness we don't drink white wine...but we still dance like crazy. of course when we are at home :P

mrsnesbitt said...

So you have been watching me eh! LOL! Did I tell you I loved you???? and that you are my bestest friend! LOL! Great stuff!

snowelf said...

Even though I really only drink on holidays, I really like wine.
It's good stuff. :)

I'm gonna do the 8 things meme this weekend. :)

Pig in the Kitchen said...

I'm loving your cheesy Wham soundrack; i remember the video vividly, i really wanted him to love me. How ironic!
You didn't add that White wine gives you a horrible headache!

Akelamalu said...

Recycle the bottles Anndi that way you're doing your bit for the environment as well as taking your medicine! :)

That's good reasoning butterflies, but I would drink the whole bottle of red as well! :( Thanks for dropping by. x

WHAT JO???? Sorry was I shouting? :)

Wine make everything funnier Topchamp :)

You've progressed to the 'hard stuff' eh Julia? ;)

Yes it's supposed to be a joke Elween, sorry you don't get it honey. xx

Pass me that bottle Mrs Nesbitt my bestest friend in the whole world. xx

Holidays, high days, weekdays it doesn't matter to me Snowelf! :#

I was very disappointed to find out George Michael is gay Pig! :( Red wine gives you a worseror headache!

Anonymous said...