Doctor, Doctor......

If you read my 55 on Friday it illustrates how some of our doctor's surgeries are run these days. MWM has just changed his doctor to the same one I see, because trying to get an appointment to see his doctor was an absolute farce.

I think the last time MWM saw a doctor was over three years ago, just before he retired – he has Hypertension but it is under control and he only has to have his BP checked every six months, other than that he is never ill. However, recently he wanted to see a doctor regarding a minor matter and his old surgery has introduced a new appointments system since he last saw a doctor.

At his old surgery one has to start ringing at 8.15 a.m. to try to get an appointment with a doctor and invariably, if/when you get through, all the appointments for that day are already booked. OK, no problem, you may be thinking, just make an appointment for another day. No can do! You have to start ringing at 8.15 a.m. the following day, and so on, and so on. MWM went to the surgery and asked to make an appointment with a doctor, not a particular doctor, any doctor.

“Ring in the morning” said the receptionist.

“I don’t want to ring in the morning, I’m here now and I want to make an appointment” said MWM.

“You can only make an appointment like this for two weeks in advance and all the appointments are taken” she said.

“OK give me an appointment in three weeks then” suggested MWM.

“No can do, you will have to come back in two weeks and make an appointment for two weeks ahead” she told him “or ring in the morning to try to get an appointment for that day”.

“Thank you for your help” replied MWM sarcastically “I’ll change doctors!”

So he went to my doctor’s surgery and registered there. He could have seen a doctor that day if he’d wanted, but he decided to wait a couple of days until he had a full medical check-up (mandatory for new patients).

My doctors have an open surgery every morning – there are three doctors on duty at any one time, you just go in and wait your turn and see a doctor of your choice, Or you can make an appointment when it’s convenient for you, if not that day then the following day. They have also introduced a service whereby you can order repeat prescriptions ‘online’, to be sent to a pharmacy of your choice for you to collect. You can also book appointments to see the doctor of your choice ‘online’, and you can even book ‘telephone appointments’, where the doctor will ring you to discuss your problem. You can see a doctor whenever is convenient for you – now call me old fashioned but isn’t that what an NHS doctor’s surgery is supposed to be like – geared to the patient? MWM is very impressed.

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Don't you just wish you had the nerve to do what this old man did....

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said,

"Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said,

"You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The Receptionist replied;

"Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private." The man replied,

"You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.

"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," he replied.