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Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Having a laugh.....

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.

'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'


So he tied her up and went golfing.


****************************************


A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.


First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.


The optician showed him a card with the letters


'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'


'Can you read this?' the optician asked.


'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'


******************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'


'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of Chardonnay.'


********************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.


That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.


The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

22 comments:

Flowerpot said...

Thanks for a good cheerup Ak!

Valerie said...

With yet another snowfall on top of numerous other snowfalls I really needed cheering up and you managed it with these funnies. I'm still laughing. Bless you.

Dumdad said...

Ho, ho. All good but I really like the Polish one.

mrsnesbitt said...

I love your jokes Pearl - always make me laugh! Check out my blog - today's nativity - so good!

Ron said...

Bwhahahahhahahahahaa!

OMG, these are HYSTERICAL!

Loved them all, but the "I'm so tired of Chardonnay" made me HOWL!

Just what I needed before heading into work!

Thanks for the great laughs, m'dear!

Enjoy your day...X

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh good ones today honey! very good!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxooxox

gaelikaa said...

I'm one of these people who never laughs at jokes. But these made me laugh.

Daryl said...

::::rimshot::::

Thom said...

OMG you made my day. I love the polish one and the last one...I'd be running for the hills as well LOL Mele Kalikimaka to you and your family :)

Grandpa said...

Ho ho ho, and a bottle of gono rum...

I like the polish too; And I used to leave grandma a lot for golf, without first tying her up of course...

Another one that made me LOL, Akelamalu. Thanks!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thanks for the laughs! I appreciate those jokes

Linda said...

Run, Herman, run!

Great laughs - thank you for sharing! What with the annual Christmas stress, they came in quite handy!

Cloudia said...

You are an angel of mercy and mirth!





Aloha from Hawaii

Comfort Spiral

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Dave said...

Thank you for all the fun you bring into my life. MERRY CHRISTMAS

Maggie May said...

That was funny!

Have a great Christmas.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Beach Bum aka Captain Barbossa said...

All were great but I liked the army joke the best!

Akelamalu said...

You're welcome Flowerpot x

My pleasure Valerie x

I liked that one too Dumdad :)

Glad you enjoyed them Denise x

A good laugh before you go to work sets you up for the day doesn't it Ron? :)

Thanks Bee so pleased you enjoyed them. x

Well I feel honoured to have made you laugh Gaelikaa :)

:) Daryl

I'm happy to have made you smile Thom x

I'm glad to hear you didn't tie Grandma up before going to golf Grandpa :0

You're welcome Nick

Laughter is a great stress buster Linda x


Why thankyou Cloudia x

Absolutely my pleasure Dave x


You have a great Christmas too Maggie x

So pleased you enjoyed them Beach Bum :)

Suburbia said...

Laughing now! Thanks and Merry Christmas :-)

Dianne said...

these were good ones!!
love the Polish one

Merry Merry Lady
Hope sends hugs

Gledwood said...

I think I know someone called Czyrptskbv too!

Yep and going golfing: clever boy!

Gledwood said...

If I haven't said so before: here's wishing you a very merry one indeed and a SUPERIOR 2011!

WITH LOTS OF LOVE

GLEDS
XX

seema gupta said...

ha ha ha really nice
regards