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Friday, 20 August 2010

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #131 Too Risky....


He slid the note across the counter to the bank teller.


"I've got a gun, put the money in a cash bag and hand it over, no funny business" it read.


Looking him straight in the eye she pressed the alarm button.


"What the f***? he yelled.


"I've changed my mind" she whispered "too risky".


Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

32 comments:

mrsnesbitt said...

Wonderful as ever! Boy I love this!

Dxx

jinksy said...

That shows a lady with true grit! And the writer did a good job, too...

Greyscale Territory said...

A snappy drama! Love the "kink" in the woman's whisper suggesting that she may have been in on the plan - once!

Akelamalu said...

So pleased you like Mrs N :)

Thanks Jinksy :)

You 'got it' exactly Greyscale Territory!

Valerie said...

Excellent... I love the way your mind works, you create the most fabulous twists.

Valerie said...

Excellent... I love the way your mind works, you create the most fabulous twists.

Brian Miller said...

oh dang sold out by the inside man (or woman). nice 55...

Dumdad said...

Good one (again).

Claudia said...

lol - nice one - had a good laugh

mine is here

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Awesome! Mines up too.

tony said...

"A Teller" In more senses than one!

Mike Golch said...

Good one,thanks for it.

Mike Golch said...

PS,I like the new look.

MorningAJ said...

Oh NICE! Lovewly twist in the tail. Maybe she set him up?

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh no! she did NOT! ha ha ha

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Julia Smith said...

His inside job blew up in his face - stellar!

anthonynorth said...

Excellent twist. Nice one.

Jingle said...

smart 55.
creative and fun reading!

Ron said...

BRAVA!!!!!!!

I actually had to think about that ending for a second. You totally amaze me with your ability to twist these at the end!

Excellent, m'dear!

Have a wonderful weekend!

x

Eric Alder said...

The whole story's in the whisper. Nicely done!

Thom said...

I tell you, you can be a master criminal LOL I never saw this coming. Perfect my friend and such a good twist. :) Have a wonderful Friday :)

PattiKen said...

Oh, he should have chosen his accomplice with more care. Funny 55.

Cheryl said...

Loved you twisted this up at the end! Absolutely fabulous 55.

Mine's (55) Fifteen is far too young . . .

Spiky Zora Jones said...

akelamalu: hahaha. :) This one is like those movies that has an alternative ending. And we get to pick the one we like best. :)

loved it sweetie. have a wonderful weekend...xxxxx

G-Man said...

I get it...
You so sly Ake!
Loved you 55 My Dear
Awesome as always...
Thank you for playing,and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

secret agent woman said...

Ooh, betrayal!

clean and crazy said...

what a clever little twist of fate!!

RNSANE said...

Ohhhh, very exciting. Great job.
Mine is at:

http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2010/08/flash-55-friday-woe-is-me-august-20.html#links

Sashindoubutsu said...

One of the best 55's I've read. Good job! :-)

Akelamalu said...

Thanks Valerie :)

Yep sold out Brian

Cheers Dumdad :)

Glad you enjoyed it Claudia

Thankyou Scots Lass :)

Yes, you're right Tony ;)

So pleased you liked he 55 and the makeover Mike.

She let him take the wrap Morning AJ!

She did Bee!

Yep it did Julia ;)

Thankyou Anthony

Glad you liked it Jingle :)

Aw you're too kind Ron xx

The whisper said it all Eric, glad you enjoyed it.

Me, a master criminal Thom? LOL

Yes he definitely should have PattiKen LOL

Thankyou muchly Cheryl :)

Yes you can choose for yourself what happens next Spiky ;)

Me, sly, G-man? LOL

Betrayal indeed SAW

Cheers Clean&Crazy

Thanks RNSane

Why thankyou Sashindoubutsu

Travis Cody said...

Oh...the art of the double cross!

Akelamalu said...

Indeedy Trav ;)