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Monday, 5 April 2010

The Middle Wife.......

I received this email - The Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher and just knew you'd all like to see it.


I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place anyboundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.



Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.



She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'



'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'



She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.



'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)



'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)



'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)



'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'



Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

26 comments:

jinksy said...

She was propable one her way to an Oscar before the Third Grade.

evalinn said...

That is just so cute! :-D

Valerie said...

Oh what an endearing tale. That child will go far.

Linda said...

Some kids are just natural born storytellers and actresses!

Finding Pam said...

That was too preious. I loved the play center. Kids say the darnest things.

I hope all is well with you.

Finding Pam said...

That was too preious. I loved the play center. Kids say the darnest things.

I hope all is well with you.

g-man said...

Thats one of the greatest stories ever told..hahahahaha....G

Dumdad said...

Ho, ho!

aims said...

Jinksy said it perfectly!!

Ron said...

OMG, Akelamalu.....this was PRICELESS!!!!

I laughed all the way through it.

HOW CUTE!!!

This was my favorite part....

"He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Thanks for sharing a wonderful Monday morning laugh, m'dear!

Enjoy your day.....X

Julia Smith said...

'My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty.'

LOL! Thanks for sharing this with us - I do my utmost to keep a straight face when kids are telling me stories like this, because I can remember adults laughing when I did something similar as a small child, and I was not amused.

Mama Zen said...

That is hilarious!

buffalodick said...

Pretty good stuff! We found an old cookbook my one sons 1st grade class wrote once- hilarious!

Catsngrams said...

Oh that was just toooo funny. I do not know how you could keep a straight face. Yes cancorder would have probably won you $10,000 on America's funnyies home movies.

Thom said...

OMG this is just too fun. I love reading things like this. Kids will be kids. :) Have a great week ahead :)

MarmiteToasty said...

hahaha to dam funny, when having a bit of a clear out last week I come across a junior school book of our Toms, a book they had to write things down in, about school and home etc, some of the stuff he had written is so dam funny, I feel a Twaddle post coming on about it in a few weeks time :0

x

Anndi said...

I agree with Ron, the biggest laugh was from umbrella cord!

Kids, so much fun and so very precious.

secret agent woman said...

I'd say she nailed it!

Maggie May said...

Absolutely brilliant!

Nuts in May

Cloudia said...

Wonderful. thanks for sharing this.

Sorry I haven't been visiting as often as I'd like, but I've been
having connection issues that I THINK I've solved. Thanks for YOUr
visits & comments :)

Aloha from Waikiki


Comfort Spiral

Sandi McBride said...

Thanks...I now suffer from hysterical laughter...just when I needed it most!!!
hugs
Sandi

dusty said...

I always thoughts they spanked babies so that they didn't get the pneumonia.

Deb said...

I LOVE , LOVE, LOVE this !! And I so needed a laugh today! When I taught first grade, I would have show and tell also. One day a little boy brought in pictures from his mommy's vacation. He started passing them around...before I had seen them. There was mom sunbathing...topless! I quickly gathered all of the pics telling the children that it was time for recess! Kids will say and do the darndest things!

Akelamalu said...

Hi all, I'm glad you all enjoyed the laugh. Kids are just wonderful aren't they - the things they come out with never fail to surprise! LOL

nitebyrd said...

That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time! OMG! :D

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