Monday, 3 November 2008


I was sent this by email recently and just had to share it.

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk.


Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.


CG said...

Well, thanks for my morning laugh!! That is so true (of me at least!) I have to say my other half is a bit more civilised!!

buffalodick said...

Pretty fair description of both!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

yup, you got it! ha ha ha

smiles, bee

Sandi McBride said...

I've laughed till I'm sick. Don't know if I want to thank you or not. Be back later to read it again. I'll tell you then.

Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO! Thanks...I needed that laugh! ;)

CrystalChick said...

Now that's funny!!

Hope you had a nice trip.
Pictures coming soon??

Ron said...

BRAVA AKelamalu!!!!!

THIS WAS FABUOUS!!! had me laughing my butt off!


Thanks for a GREAT Monday morning laugh!

Gene Bach said...

Hmm, sounds fairly accurate!

Sally said...

Taht gave me a good giggle! Thank you!

acey said...

hahahaha. i love men! so cute. thank you for sharing this 1, ake. :D

Dr.John said...

It is funny but not true. We men have just goten a bad press. Yes we drip a little. Yes we don't wear anything on the way to the shower. But that woo woo thing, utter nonsense.

nitebyrd said...

If these aren't the absolute truth! Damn!

Akelamalu said...

My other half is a bit more civilised too CG :)

LOL I thought so too Buff. ;)

Seems like we're agreed Bee!

Glad it made you laugh Sandi x

You're welcome RLL x

I need to download the photos and put together a post, hopefully soon Crystalchick x

It made me chuckle too Ron. :)

Is that what you do Gene? (wink)

Anytime Sally :)

Cute Acey? Well I suppose they are when they're not being disgusting! ((wink))

Are you telling me you've never woo-wooed Dr John? ;)

Aren't they just nitebyrd? :)

storyteller said...

Ohmygosh … there is so much truth here that it’s almost not funny. That said, thanks for the laughter and the upbeat song this morning. Actually … I paid a fortune for this view … and then paid again when I bought out my ‘ex’ … but it was (and is) worth every penny ;--)
Hugs and blessings,

Emmie said...

ha hahah hahah haha ha ha!

I Love it :) I really do!

Daisy said...

Hilarious!! I really want some jaffa cake body scrub!! Can't wait to hear about the trip, glad you're back safely and hope you had a wonderful time.

Daryl said...

I am laughing ....

The Dotterel said...

So that's what I've been doing wrong all these years - no 'woo woo' sound! Thanks for the advice; I'm practising already.

Linda said...

Why is it that men always seem to have it so much easier?? Somehow it just doesn't seem fair, does it?

Jo Beaufoix said...

Heh heh that is so true, snort. :D

Anonymous said...

I must not be a woman or a man because here's my routine: Wash hair, shave armpits and legs, dry off a bit, hang towel back up and stroll back to room naked.

Travis said...

I use liquid body wash, not soap.


Actually, I'm not that "shower guy" at all. At least I don't think I am. Maybe I should ask?


Catch said...

HAHAHA...too funny Akela!!! also too true!!! Men are fascinated with their wee

Akelamalu said...

I know what you mean Storyteller!

So glad you liked it Emmie x

Jaffa Cake body scrub sounds scrummy doesn't it Daisy!

Good to hear you laughing Daryl x

I can hear your Woo Woo from here Dotterel! ;)

I know, we take so much more looking after don't we Linda?

It is Jo ((wink))

You need to pamper yourself more Citizen ((wink))

I think we should ask Mrs Travis Trav! ;)

They certainly are Catch! LOL

Flowerpot said...

how strange - I was sent this via email last weekend! Great stuff.

CrazyCath said...

So glad mine is not the only male...

Great post.

Akelamalu said...

It's doing the rounds Flowerpot and so funny I had to share it!

LOL your's too Cath?

cheshire wife said...

It's so true. Thank you for sharing it.

Cloudia said...

LOL. Glad you are back Akelamalu, Dear!
Cheers & Aloha from election day Honolulu! (I'm hoping SO hard that I know I'll weep WHATEVER the outcome (for different reasons).

This Guy said...

HEHEHE Thats awesome! Thanks for the good belly laughs!! I'm ashamed to say This Guy showers like a woman! lol

MarmiteToasty said...

LMFAO....... how very true....... obviously my lads dont shake and shout woo wooo, well not at me anyways lmfao.....

This is wellabit funny....


Queenie said...

My other half is in shock, how could we even think it of him, now me??????

Ladybird World Mum said...

so so funny. Still giggling.
Now I am ready to make some supper. Just needed some laugh therapy. Thanks v much!

Anonymous said...