Followers

Monday, 9 June 2008

Military Ranks.....

GENERAL – Leaps over skyscrapers in a single bound. More powerful than an express train. Faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives counsel to God.


COLONEL – Leaps lesser buildings in a single bound. More powerful than a shunting engine. As fast as a speeding bullet. Sometimes walks on water. Talks to God.


LIEUTENANT COLONEL: - Leaps lesser buildings, given a good run up and favourable wind. Has the same pushing power as a shunting engine. Can fire a gun, but not necessarily hit the target. Totters on water. Talks to God, occasionally.


MAJOR – Barely clears the height of a bivvy tent. Is often run over by a shunting engine. Can handle a gun and hit the target, but only at the edges. Swims well. Sometimes pleases God.


QUARTERMASTER – Provides the bricks for the buildings. Places demands for various trains. Supplies both guns and bullets. Can do the dog paddle. Will supply God with crystal balls if necessary.


CAPTAIN – Collapses on bivvy tent when attempting to jump it. Recognises trains. Is never issued with live ammunition. Can float in a life jacket. Talks to brick walls.


LIEUTENANT – Runs into brick walls. Can use a train set. Owns his own cap gun. Sinks without swimming. Mutters to himself.


2ND LIEUTENANT – Falls over doorstep when entering building. Says “Oooh, look at the choo choo”. Wets himself while playing with his water pistol. Can stand in the shallow end. Talks to plants.


REGIMENTAL SERGEANT MAJOR – Lifts multi-storey buildings and walks under them. Kicks all types of engines off their tracks. Catches bullets in his teeth. Freezes water at a single glance. Talks to no one.


HE IS GOD!

27 comments:

Flowerpot said...

very good Ak - where no earth did that come from??!!

Shrinky said...

Too funny, and no doubt very true! Grin.

buffalodickdy said...

As you would suspect, we have an American version of this.... Enjoy your week!

Dianne said...

Here in the states we have a
Commander in Chief

He:
smiles to himself at all the pretty buildings
watches Thomas the Engine
has a VP who handles all the ammo for him
isn't sure where water comes from
and
thinks he knows what God wants

G-Man said...

Good one Ake...
Have a great week...G
xox

Gene Bach said...

I am NOT gonna screw around with the Sergant Major!! LOL!

Hey, stop by my blog...the last 2 days I've posted a true story about the first of my family to come to the west coast in the 1850's written by one of the family members.

Gene

Smalltown RN said...

Oh that is just priceless....my brother in law is in the military he will be able to relate to this for sure....I sent him a copy....thanks for sharing...

Mike Golch said...

being a Yank,I do not know what a shunting engine is I can guess a Bivvy Tent is our pup then.I guess.
I hoppe that you are haveing a Great day today,that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Akelamalu said...

Not my work Flowerpot, someone sent it to me. :)

I thought it was funny too Shrinky :)

I thought there would be Buff ;)

That sounds about right Dianne! LOL

Thanks g-manx

I'll be over soon to check out your story Gene

Oh do let me know what he thinks RN

I'm sure you could change some of the words and make it American Mike.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

yup, sounds about right! ha ha

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Travis said...

Any army worth it's pension plan runs on the strength of its sergeants, and any officer with half a brain pays attention when the top kick speaks!

Ron said...

OMG...this is HYSTERICAL, Akelamalu!!!

Ok...I admit it...I'd be the Lieutenant...

Cause I LOVE cap guns!

Thanks for the great laugh, my friend!

Linda said...

Ah yes, I seem to remember this quite well from my days in the Air Force!

We used to call our 2nd Lieutenants "butter bars" because they had one gold-colored bar for rank insignia plus that's about as hard as they were most of the time!

Odat said...

LOL.

Peace

Josh said...

Haha, this was a great post. Thanks for sharing it!

Akelamalu said...

I think so too Bee :)

My FIL always says the same Trav

Cap guns are the safest Ron xx

LOL 'Butter Bars' - that's a good one Linda!

I'm please you got a giggle out of it Odat x

Oh you're welcome Josh x

Raven said...

I don't know much (anything) about the military, but these are funny anyway.

Dave said...

This is the way life is!! You made me smile thank you

Sandi McBride said...

I have the US Navy version of this hanging in the den, except that God is the Chief,
Sandi

Anndi said...

That gave me a giggle!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

All of that is very, very, very true!

bindhiya said...

LOL!!
That was great Akelamalu...
((hugs))
bindi

la bellina mammina said...

LOL! Would love to read the American version!

Akelamalu said...

I thought so too Raven :)

I'm happy to have made you smile Dave :)

I'm sure there are lots of version out there Sandi and all as funny as each other.

So glad you got a giggle out of it Anndi x

I know you were in the forces Nick so it you say it's true I guess it is LOL

Glad you enjoyed it Bindi x

So would I Bella!

Akelamalu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
storyteller said...

Entertaining explanations … clarifying my understanding greatly ;--)
Thanks …
Hugs and blessings,

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