GENERAL – Leaps over skyscrapers in a single bound. More powerful than an express train. Faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives counsel to God.
COLONEL – Leaps lesser buildings in a single bound. More powerful than a shunting engine. As fast as a speeding bullet. Sometimes walks on water. Talks to God.
LIEUTENANT COLONEL: - Leaps lesser buildings, given a good run up and favourable wind. Has the same pushing power as a shunting engine. Can fire a gun, but not necessarily hit the target. Totters on water. Talks to God, occasionally.
MAJOR – Barely clears the height of a bivvy tent. Is often run over by a shunting engine. Can handle a gun and hit the target, but only at the edges. Swims well. Sometimes pleases God.
QUARTERMASTER – Provides the bricks for the buildings. Places demands for various trains. Supplies both guns and bullets. Can do the dog paddle. Will supply God with crystal balls if necessary.
CAPTAIN – Collapses on bivvy tent when attempting to jump it. Recognises trains. Is never issued with live ammunition. Can float in a life jacket. Talks to brick walls.
LIEUTENANT – Runs into brick walls. Can use a train set. Owns his own cap gun. Sinks without swimming. Mutters to himself.
2ND LIEUTENANT – Falls over doorstep when entering building. Says “Oooh, look at the choo choo”. Wets himself while playing with his water pistol. Can stand in the shallow end. Talks to plants.
REGIMENTAL SERGEANT MAJOR – Lifts multi-storey buildings and walks under them. Kicks all types of engines off their tracks. Catches bullets in his teeth. Freezes water at a single glance. Talks to no one.
HE IS GOD!