Wednesday, 28 December 2011

What I owe my mother....

Recieved in an email but oh so true LOL
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.' 

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL 
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me.' 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.' 

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry 

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.' 

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA 
'You'll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER ..
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY 
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.' 

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.' 

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going 
to get stuck that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP .
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR .
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?' 

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favourite: 
My mother taught me about JUSTICE

'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you '


Melanie said...

Ahhhh mothers!! Great post!!

Valerie said...

Heard them all in my early days :O( No.7 still rankles.

Ron said...

GREAT post!

There are soooo many of these that my own mother use to say to me. One being....

"6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

And it's funny because even to this day I make SURE I'm wearing clean underwear - HA!

Have a fab day, m'dear! Thanks for the giggles!


Linda said...

Mothers are such very wise people! As a matter of fact, I believe I've taught a few of those to my own children!

Beach Bum said...

This is a timely post for me, my wife has taken my daughter out to one of the huge outlet malls here in Orlando.

My wife will be teaching her how to melt credit cards by shopping.

Banker Chick said...

I believe I have heard or said most of them. Excellent!

CrystalChick said...

I've seen this before but it's great to read again and again because it's funny and true. I heard quite a few of them growing up. haha

G-Man said...

That womans not a teacher, she's a Professor!!

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

oh my gosh, i have used most of those myself! oops...

smiles, bee

Dianne said...

I have heard each of them, they're all so true and real

I've even said a few myself

Cloudia said...

yes mother. . . .

Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >


mrsnesbitt said...

Hilarious Pearl!
Happy New Year xxxx

A Lady's Life said...

lol for sure lol

Lorraine said...

It is so true that we become our mother's. In my case, I am grateful as she is such a wise woman and what she taught us all has carried me through so much in life. I am forever grateful to her.