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Saturday, 13 October 2007

Peter Kay's Home Truths......

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

9) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

36 comments:

buffalodickdy said...

Most, but not all could I relate to... Number 28 triggered a useless fact in my brain which I will expound on! Once, in Zeeland Michigan, USA a coat hanger manufacturer was going to start marketing coat hangers in the U.K.. The name of the company was John Thomas Betts. They found out rather quickly that in the U.K. "John Thomas" was slang for a male organ, and changed their name to Betts Co.! Fun fact to know and yell...
P.S.- They were bought out with assurances the plant wouldn't be moved from Zeeland, but it did the same year the deal was closed.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

triangular sandwiches really do taste better, why is that?

smiles, bee

la bellina mammina said...

What about sandwishes without the crust?? :-)

CG said...

I love Peter Kay and these just cracked me up. I was thinking the old lady/mobile phone thing today and ouch! i've done the stepping on the plug thing!!

Akelamalu said...

You're a mine of information Buffalodickdy! :)

I think it's because they're posh Bee. :0

Oh you definitely have to cut the crusts off triangular sandwiches Bella.

I love Peter Kay too CG and that plug thing is a real killer!:(

GEWELS said...

Many seem to be so tru...why is that?

My husband is definitely his Dad, what with the damn paint stirrer.

Akelamalu said...

LOL my eldest son is turning into MWM Gewels!

ciara said...

lmao! i can relate to some of these and #35 is attached to hubby's computer desk. he thought it was 'cute' and 'funny' and says that he's probably going to pin it up at his work office lol i had written it on a piece of paper and drawn a tomato lol btw my girls find that saying funny as well!

crazy working mom said...

It is true about triangular sandwiches. :)

I loved the one about tomatoes! heh heh hhe

Great list.

Have a great weekend.

Gledwood said...

I like your number 35...

and the one about the dog in school... wow... how come...?!?

I take your point about drink: will it stop at one.

Someone made a v good point on my comments that the deformed babies probably had malnutrition as well as alcohol syndrome I had never considered that. Aparently if you do drink you're meant to eat marmite for the B vitamins!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

I like triangular sandwiches better too. Why is that?

Elween said...

my my my, i do agree with Gledwood, i like the 35th! gosh, it's hilarious!

Miss Understood said...

I love Peter Kaye. I had the Bungalow Tour for Christmas...it was hilarious!

RUTH said...

Ha Ha these are all spot on...and I thought Peter kay was just a comedian...he is a true philospher too!
Rx

Flowerpot said...

yes I agree abotu triangular sarnies as well - how curious is that?!

Smalltown RN said...

It's funny how you reference "chip" in Canada when we use the word Chip it's what you would call crisps over there....I remember one time mum and dad had taken us out for lunch...me and my two sisters decided we wanted to share a plate of "chips" you know what they brought us....a plate of crsips! We looked at the plate and said what is this....the waitress said you asked for chips....yes we said ....but these are potato chips not french fries(another word we use to describe chips) when we used that word the waitress took the plate of "chips" away and brought us our fries.....it's all with what you are use to...mum always use to say Fish and Chips....not Fish and French Fries...that just sounds so wrong....hope you are having a great weekend...

Bankerchick said...

How do you enter 55378008 in a calculator and what does it mean. I am obviously not a child of the 80's. I am going to look Peter Kay up and see who he is as well!

Akelamalu said...

After the argument you had with your hubby about tomatoes I thought you'd appreciate #35 Ciara :)

Thanks crazy working mom.

I've heard that about drink and marmite too Gleds - luckily I like both! :)

Because they're PARTY sandwiches correspondent! :)

Glad you enjoyed it Elween

You know me and MWM feature on the 'bungalow tour' video don't you Miss U?

Yes Peter is an observational comedian Ruth - the best kind of philospher!

I think we're all agreed on the tirangular sandwiches Flowerpot.

I hate french fries. You can't beat a proper chunky chip with a nice bit of battered cod smalltown rn. :)

Akelamalu said...

I think you put the number in then turn it upside down and it says something a kid would think is rude Bankerchick. Peter Kay is hilarious!

Mimi Lenox said...

These are great and so true. I enjoyed every one of them. Your blog is always entertaining!

ciara said...

ok, punched the numbers into my phone, as i had never heard that before, and it says 'boobless' well, maybe back in the day i might have found that a bit rude, BUT now mine have to be tucked into my waistband so it's not so rude lol

Orange Blossom Goddess (aka Heather) said...

#1 is so true. I wonder why that is?

Skittles said...

I don't know who wrote that list or why.. but it's great!

Akelamalu said...

Thanks Mimi :)

It doesn't seem rude now Ciara - maybe we were all innocent in the 80's ((wink))

Yep we're all agreed on #1 Orange Blossom

Glad you enjoyed it Skittles :)

Jo Beaufoix said...

I love Peter Kay.
And these are so true.
Fab list Akela.
LOL.

Akelamalu said...

Another Peter Kay fan that's great Jo :)

123Valerie said...

Peter Kay is a genius.

Akelamalu said...

He certainly is Val :)

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