Followers

Monday, 21 December 2009

He said to me.......

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it

I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?



He said to me . ... ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart



He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!



He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?

I said to him .. . They don't have time



He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.



He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?

I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.



He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

I said . . A widow.


He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?

I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 
I wish I'd thought of those retorts! LOL

31 comments:

Thom said...

ROFLAMO...These are all just priceless...I bust out laughing the minute I started reading them. Well done my friend :) Have a wonderful week ahead and Happy Holidays to you and your family :)

Elaine said...

That last one had me in stitches!

quilly said...

This left me chuckling.

mrsnesbitt said...

Loved this!
Christmas Cracker material?????

Flowerpot said...

Brilliant - but yes why do we always think of the right thing to say about 5 hours after the event, and usuallyinthe middle of the night?!

Dumdad said...

You can be so cruel to us sensitive, vulnerable men....

Gledwood said...

Wah wah WAAAAHHHHH!!!

secret agent woman said...

I sincerely hope I never have need for any of these answers!

Brian Miller said...

lol...omg...

Carol said...

Superb!!

Misty Dawn said...

Bwaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha HILARIOUS

buffalodick said...

All pretty funny! Change the T.P.? No one ever taught us... :)

Valerie said...

Whaaaaaaaaaaa
OMG I needed that laugh. Absolutely hilarious.

MelRoXx said...

lol

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

very good ones! thanks for the laughs...

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akelamalu said...

Glad you enjoyed the laughs Thom x

It's true though isn't it Laney? LOL

Chuckles are good Quilly!

Definitely Christmas Cracker material Mrs. N!

I would so love to be able to come out with retorts like those Flowerpot!

Yeah right Dumdad! LOL

You liked them Gleds!

Me too but if I do I hope I can remember them SAW!

I guess they made you laugh Brian? :)

Cheers Carol :)

Glad you enjoyed them Misty :)

Typical Buiff! LOL

I'm happy you enjoyed them Valerie x

HI and Welcome Melrox.

You're welcome Bee x

Susan at Stony River said...

OMG these made my day! The first and last are my favourites ROFL

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Akelamalu: Hi honey. I really liked that last one...hehehe, and the one where they just sit on th couch and fart. hahahaha. That sounds like my brother-in law. :)

A joke:
How many psychiatrist does it take to change a light bilb?

One...but the light bulb has to want to change. ;)

later honey...Merry Christmas.

CrystalChick said...

All so funny! Thanks for the chuckles. Happy day.

Dr.John said...

On behalf of good men everywhere I protest.
I know it was funny but it ruins our reputation which is already bad.

Why not pick on the ladies for a change.

Cloudia said...

LOL!!



Aloha, Dear Ake

Comfort Spiral

Ron said...

Bwhahahhahahahahahaha!

OMG...this is just what I needed to read after my looooooooong day in retail!

Everyone of these is hyterical, but the first one made me HOWL!

Thanks for the wonderful laugh, m'dear. Thoroughly enjoyed it!

Hope you had a great day!

X

Linda said...

They all look like perfectly acceptable answers to me!

bindhiya said...

LOL!
Wish you and family a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
♥ & ((hugs))
bindi

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Akelamalu said...

I'm happy to make your day Susan x

Love your joke Spiky, glad you enjoyed mine honey. x

You're welcome Crystalchick, hope you have a good day too. :)

LOL I couldn't possibly pick on my own sex Dr. John, you could try if you like (wink).

Cheers Cloudia

I'm so pleased you had a good laugh at the end of a loooong day Ron m'dear. x

I thought so too Linda! LOL

The same to you Bindi m'dear. xx

I have absolutely no idea what you said but Merry Christmas to you. :)

Mama Zen said...

The second one just killed me!

storyteller said...

Thanks so much for sharing these today ... I needed some laughter to balance myself right now ;-)

If you any of your visitors know anything about HP printers, I’m requesting HELP for some problems I’m experiencing currently while sharing some Christmas Cheer at Small Reflections!
Hugs and blessings,

Akelamalu said...

Glad you liked it MamaZen :)

Hope you're balanced now Storyteller :)

ann said...

thanks for the larf --- :>)

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