Followers

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Doctors......

Real life doctors share their experiences......


1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis, and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow.


2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St.Thomas's Bath .


3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.
'Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.'Which one ?'. . ... I asked.   'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !    'I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr.. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent .


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how was your breakfast this morning?   ''It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. Bristol Infirmary.


7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said  'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
KGH London .Dr. wouldn't submit his name!

31 comments:

mrsnesbitt said...

The truth is often so funny! Good start to my day!

quilly said...

Uh-huh. Who told you these were true? A couple of these doctors acted way to idiotically to have actually made it through med school -- but the stories are funny.

Dumdad said...

Ho, ho!

CG said...

These made me laugh!

Thom said...

LOL...these are so funny. I really enjoyed them. Thank you so much for sharing my friend. :)

G-Man said...

hehehehe...
Two Doctors walk into a bar,
The third one ducks...:P

buffalodick said...

I love it when you do this kind of post! Hilarious is too small a word!

snowelf said...

I wish we had known the reaction of the last patient!! :)

--snow

Finding Pam said...

Very funny! LOL!

Finding Pam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda said...

Which just goes to show that you can find a sense of humor in so many places!

Daryl said...

Lucky for me I wasnt drinking my coffee as I read the first 'confession' ...

Nessa said...

These are so funny.

Julia Smith said...

'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

*wiping away the tears of laughter*

tony said...

bedridden ! I Love these stories (I,m tempted to print them out and post them on the wall of Hebden Bridge's Surgery when the receptionist isnt looking!)

Ron said...

BRAVA, Akelamalu!!!

These were HYSTERICAL!!!

#6 was my absolute favorite.

Bwahahahahhahahahahaha!

Thanks for the awesome laugh, m'dear!

X

Elaine said...

Oh, soem of those were hilarious! I needed this :)

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

#3 had me laughing SO hard! thanks honey, i needed that!

smiles, bee
xxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo

Spiky Zora Jones said...

akelamalu: Hi honey. You kill me. Those are fun and funny. I gonna swipe a few to tell at dinner parties. hehehe

thanks honey...it sure woke me up cause I was getting sleepy here at work. :)
Ciao babe.

Dr.John said...

Those are funny. I certainly understand why the last Doctor didn't give his name.

Cloudia said...

LOL!

Thanks for lightening my day, Sister ;-]


Aloha!
Comfort Spiral

Gledwood said...

That Channel 4 thing gets me. I saw the whole thing, but even if you didn't, you may have seen the trailer... with that lady doctor with glasses saying "some patients are more deserving of compassion than others" ... REALLY~??!?

Lulda Casadaga said...

Nice way to start my Thursday...I wouldn't mind being bedridden tonight! ;)

Anndi said...

I really should know better by now not to read this stuff and sip coffee at the same time...

"massive internal fart"

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

On a related note, my father used to tell me that there was a tombstone that said:

"Let your wind go free,
Twas my wind killed me"

Hmmmmm.. coincidence?

Mama Zen said...

These are hilarious!

cheshire wife said...

It's good to know that doctors have a sense of humour!

Cheffie-Mom said...

I needed a good laugh today!! Thank you!!

A Lady's Life said...

very funny :)

secret agent woman said...

Those are funny. Except #3 was entirely the docotor's fault - why owuld he say MI instead of heart attack except to make himself sound educated? You meet people where they are.

Gledwood said...

The only advice I've been given about doctors ~ and it's true ~ is DON'T GO TO A WHITE MIDDLE AGED FEMALE DR. They're really uptight.

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