Monday, 26 May 2008



A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts."

After months of careful research , MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.


1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card , cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.


Unfortunately , most of this Is true !!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake , put the window down.

4. Find handbag , remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary; with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag , locate card holder , and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone .

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

I'm not a traitor ladies honestly, it just made me LOL.


ciara said...

i won't even tell you how many of these things i have actually DONE! LOL and most em had nothing to do w driving LOL

Jennifer H said...

This made me laugh! I won't admit to how many of these, either. But I fall somewhere between male and female on this one.

Odat said...

LOL. I'm not laughing because I do this, I'm laughing cause I've seen it done. It's comical unless you're behind one of these!

Miss Understood said...

I don't drive, so that's me out!

Richard said...

What a hoot. Girl you made me laugh on what for me is a somewhat solemn day; Thanks.

Also I should say that I'm the one who is terrible at ATM machines in our family. My wife uses them with aplomb. I fumble for my pin, cuss the machine and finally get it right.


buffalodickdy said...

So that was you in front of me at the drive thru ATM yesterday! I thought you lived in G.B.!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i call the atm's "titless tellers"...

and yes, this is true. it did leave out the part where the men don't get their receipt and then drive off before saying they don't want another transaction!

smiles, bee

Dianne said...

LOL at "titless tellers" !!!

I have been behind one of those, many of those!

Often they also have a load of screaming kids with them. My favorite is when they're driving a Hummer and they're about 5' tall.

I never use the drive-thru. I like to walk, even if it is 10 feet.

Ron said...

Hey...I've seen a few MEN do what's on the ladies list too!!

I won't tell you WHO, though?!?!

tee, hee!

CG said...


Linda said...

No offense taken as this one cracks me up, too!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Great! I really enjoyed that—got a big belly laugh from it!!!!!!!!!! And I’m still chuckling!

Flowerpot said...

I'm saying NOTHING......!!

Akelamalu said...

What are you like Ciara? LOL

You too Jennifer? :)

I don't use drive through ATMs so I'm not guilty Odat :)

You don't drive Miss U?

Ah it's an honest man that admits to things like this Rich!

Damn, you got me Buff! ;)

'Titless Tellers' - that's a scream Bee! I must remember that one.

Better to walk Dianne, we can't be accused of all that stuff then can we? ;)

Not you Ron? I don't believe it! ((wink))

LOL indeed CG :)

It is funny isn't it Linda?

Glad you enjoyed it Nick x

You haven't, have you Flowerpot?

KB said...

yikes, I must be a man..I luv the music btw

James Goodman, Author said...

lol, my wife got a big kick out of this. Thanks for the laughs. :D

Anonymous said...

Oh, hmm. If this is accurate, I'm a man.

Misty Dawn said...

Bwahahahahaha That's funny.

Akelamalu said...

LOL glad you like the music KB :)

I aim to please James :)

You know how those ATMs work then Citizen?

Happy to make you smile Misty x

Marianne said...

OMG LOL I would so do all of this.... if I could actually even drive that is! x M

Gledwood said...

Dear me. That must've been written by a woman. Only a woman would remember enough of that procedure in the requisite detail to be able to memorize it and post it down!!

Akelamalu said...

LOL you think so Marianne?

You're probably right there Gleds :)

girl with the mask said...

I am feeling ashamed, so it must be true *sigh* x

bindhiya said...

hmmm I don't drive... so am out too :))

Akelamalu said...

Oh not you too GIM! LOL

OK you're innocent Bindi :)

the teach said...

Akalamalu, you've just set womankind back 10 years! LOL! I was laughing loudly halfway through the female procedures... Thanks for the great music on your blog!

Akelamalu said...

I know Teach, I did wonder whether I was being a traitor but it made me laugh so much I just had to share it! Glad you like the music. :)

Olivia said...

I loved this and found it hilarious. I do many if not most of these myself! I found your blog via Small Reflections and was intrigued by your Hawaiian name :) Blessings, Olivia

Akelamalu said...

Welcome Olivia, glad it made you smile. :)

CrazyCath said...

This made me laugh (I'm ashamed to say!)
I think I am a mixture of both.
And so are the men....
Theirs should read something like -
1. Drive up to cash machine and screech to halt. Window is already down.
2. Shout over noise from stereo to partner that you need your card.
3. Take card from partner and place in machine.
4. Shout to partner that you need your PIN.
5. Turn music off because you can't hear what partner says.
6. Shout at partner and berate him/her for shouting out PIN.
7. Enter PIN in keypad on machine.
8. Remove super-cool-dude sunglasses and re enter correct PIN.
9. Enter amount of cash required.
10. Wink and drool at female driver behind you whilst ogling breasts of passing girls.
11. Retrieve cash and receipt - give receipt to partner as you don't hold on to junk.
12. Retrieve card and give to partner "for safekeeping".
13. Turn music back on, full blast.
14. Place shades back on face.
15. Hit accelerator hard whilst grinning impishly at females around.
16. Drive around corner out of sight of said females.
17. Remove shades as it is actually raining solidly and you cannot see where you are going.
18. Wind up window and turn heating on full blast as you now have goose bumps you are so cold (and wet).
19. Turn music down.
20. Resume conversation as the character of "partner, husband, pillar of the community".

Akelamalu said...

LOL Oh Cath that's priceless and so true!

GEWELS said...

Akela- I can always count on you for a laugh.

Anonymous said...