Followers

Friday, 29 June 2012

Listen carefully and follow the instructions....

       
Hello and thank you for calling the State Mental Health Hotline. Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.


If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.


If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.


If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.


If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.


If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.


If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.


If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.


If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep . Please wait for the beep.


If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever .


If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

16 comments:

Melanie said...

I love this!!

Ron said...

"If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9"

Bwahahahahhahhahaa! And that would ME because I have SUCH short-term memory!!!!

GREAT one, m'dear! Thanks for the Friday morning laughs! Have a super weekend!

X

MorningAJ said...

I guess I don't find that funny because I have a number of friends with a variety of those problems.

Mental health care in this country is sadly underfunded. This is the kind of care a lot of us can expect actually.

Jenny Woolf said...

I remember the Simpsons in which Lisa or someone rings the mental health helpline and ends up with "You have committed Regicide..." :D

silverthoughts2 said...

I had fun reading that aloud to S.D. LOL!

Beach Bum said...

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

My little voices just keep wanting to order pizza.

A Lady's Life said...

lol I hate this sort of stuff. If they don't want to talk to you they shouldn't bother. In an emergency you don't have an hour to get through to someone.

Valerie said...

It's great ... and I'm going to pinch it to send to a friend. Wouldn't it be a good idea to record it all and play it whenever we get those unsolicited calls?

Misty DawnS said...

Thanks for the morning laugh!

Finding Pam said...

Since I have a crazy family, I thought this was funny. Laughter is the best medicine in times of extreme sadness.

Gledwood said...

Judging by that, I think I suffer from blondness worst of all.

I don't get the bipolar one bleep bleep bleep bleep; what's all that about??

Adam said...

very funny

Daryl Edelstein said...

Another good one ... covers it all!

nitebyrd said...

I'm lovin' that menopausal one! LOL

Flowerpot said...

Brilliant!

Lorraine said...

love this. This blog is always full of such clever stuff. xx