Followers

Monday 29 September 2008

Excuse me……



Are good manners a thing of the past?


I work in a senior school and I have to say I have, sadly, found that a large number of children in my school are lacking in even basic manners. There’s no holding doors open and allowing an adult through first, hell they don’t even hold the door open so you can follow them through! ‘Excuse me’ isn’t in their vocabulary, they just push past and look at you as though you’re stupid if you admonish them. I find myself saying “what’s the magic word?” when they ask for something because they never say please. They seem to think it’s OK to ‘Eff and blind’ in your hearing and they look at you with distain if you say you don’t like it. I know a lot of children complain that some adults don’t say thankyou if they hold a door for them, which is unforgivable, but I was always taught just because someone else doesn’t have good manners is no reason for you to let yours slip!

I always say please and thank you and I expect other people to do the same – is that so wrong? I brought my boys up to have good manners, to give up their seats on a bus for an adult, open doors, be courteous, but it seems these days they are in a minority in doing these things.

I know some argue that in these days of Women’s Lib it is an insult to have a man open a door or give up a seat for a woman but I just don’t see it that way. I see it like



Man opens a door for Lady. Lady says...


"I hope you didn't open that door for me because I'm a Lady?"
Man replies...
"No, I opened it because I am a Gentleman".



How do you see it?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Just a reminder.....

Mimi (Mimi Writes) is launching another Blogblast for Peace on 6th November 2008.   If you haven't joined in before, please join in this one.   It's easy, just visit here and follow the instructions to get your Peace Globe, which you can dress up however you like and then we all post on the same day (6th November 2008) with the post title of Dona Nobis Pacem.   You can also get a cool widget for your sidebar like the countdown one on mine, though there's plenty more to choose from if you don't want that one.

Go on, you know you want to join in the Peace Globe Movement.

43 comments:

Elaine Denning said...

I hate bad manners, and I hate rude children. (I blame the parents!)

Unknown said...

I’ve noticed the decline in folks being mannerly and even mildly considerate of others for the past 40 or so years. I really wish I had spoken the line I opened it because I am a Gentleman back in 1972, the first time I remember being cursed for opening a door for a “lady.”

Cath said...

I see it like you do. Sadly, my 19 year old (who has been brought up like you brought your sons up and does open doors, have respect for elders, give up his seat etc.,) told me when I showed him your post that he agrees too and has been called a "womaniser" for opening doors for women.

Sad, mad, bad world.

CG said...

I so agree. I work in a library and I'm very polite to our customers. The numbers of kids who NEVER say please or thank you astonishes me and their parents don't seem to care! I was always saying "Say please/thank you" to my children until it became second nature to them. I must also say that it some of the most well-off kids who are the worst; totally indulged and thinking the whole world exists to please them. GRRR!

buffalodick said...

Kids do what they're taught... Manners have always been hit and miss because of it. I still hold doors- car and building both, and what the rest of the world thinks- I don't care!

RiverPoet said...

Yeah, I'm appalled at the lack of manners in today's youth (and the adults, too!). We seem to have forgotten that there are other people in the world besides ourselves.

We should have a national "Open the Door for a Stranger" day! :-)

Peace - D

the rotten correspondent said...

I'm kind of big on manners myself. Seriously. How much effort does it take to be polite?

g-man said...

Buff is absolutely right..
You are what you are taught!!

Have a Great Week Ake...G

Real Live Lesbian said...

When I was growing up, things would screech to a halt if you didn't say please and thank you.

Is it so hard to be polite?

Dianne said...

I hold doors for everyone, men too!

I find parents are not emphasizing simple manners with their children. Just one example - the little boy across the street from me constantly tells people to 'shut up'. He's 6 now, he's been doing it since he started to speak. His Mother laughs!!

CrystalChick said...

I do the same as Dianne, holding doors even for men. It's not so hard to be kind.
We've taught our children that too. One day recently we stopped at a store and only my son was running in. As he got up to the door, my husband and I were watching him from the car and I said to hub that I hope he holds the door for that woman who was walking up at the same time... and he did!! Yay! And if I take his friends home from school, I can say that most of the time, they say thank you. :)
But I have seen alot of bad manners too. You hope for the best, but just never know.

Akelamalu said...

I agree with you Laney.

I cannot understand women who are offended when a man treats them like a lady Nick.

I hope it doesn't put your son off being a gentleman Cath.

That's exactly it CG, they think everything exists for their pleasure!

Yes you're right Buff kids will only do what they're taught and if the parents are ignorant so the kids will be! I'm sure you're the perfect gentleman. :)

What a great idea Riverpoet 'Open the door for a Stranger' Day!

It doesn't take any effort at all does it RC, if you've been brought up right?

I think we're all agreed on that g-man :)

We risked a clip round the ear if we forgot to say please and thankyou RLL!

How rude is that child Dianne? His mother should be ashamed of herself! I have to say I see the same thing happening here, daily!

Daryl said...

Before I rush off to get a badge for the upcoming event...

A co-worker was in the Unisex loo where she locked the door and settled into do her business... within seconds I heard OH Excuse me and the door close loudly ...

It seems one of our guests at a meeting went to use the loo .. he didnt bother to KNOCK on the CLOSED door .. he just opened it and started to walk in, realized it was occupied and exited with loud appologies over and over and over ...

Really .. how dumb is he? Well clearly not well brought up .. a closed door warrants a KNOCK before turning the doorknob ..or it used to ...

:-Daryl

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

ahhh, manners... where have they gone? the way of the wind i am afraid. too bad.

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akelamalu said...

Your son is a credit to you Crystalchick and it's nice to hear that his friends have manners too. :)

How embarrasing Daryl! :0

Seems like it's going that way doesn't it Bee?

storyteller said...

I lament the loss of common courtesy and manners too. I’m not sure how to remedy things … other than to continue to set an example and encourage others to do likewise. Love the shift of perspective in your story. Of course a gentleman opens the door because he IS a gentleman ;--)
I've left an animated award for friends at Small Reflections ... should you care to drop by and collect it ;-)
Hugs and blessings,

Linda said...

I would like to hope that my children remember the lessons I taught them about saying please and thank you and having some sort of manners. I always hold the door for people and say "thank you" and "you're welcome" but you're so right that so many people don't anymore. And it's not just the kids, it's an awful lot of adults who I am sure were taught better by their parents.

Lu' said...

I try to be polite. I especially like to show respect for my elders. Children and I don't see eye to eye. I think they are great but I don't interact with them it is just too difficult.

Ron said...

OMG, Akelamalu….thank you for sharing this, because I TOTALLY, TOTALLY agree…100%!

It annoys me to no end to see this happening…and it’s happening A LOT!

I use to think it was because I lived in a city, and city life can be extremely rude and inconsiderate.

And not only with younger people, but also the adults. I was brought up like you, to hold a door open for a lady or gentleman, say thank you, please, and your welcome.

To me, it seems as though everyone is walking around in this “dead zone” of unconsciousness. They either have a cell phone or an Ipod in their ears, or they’re busy text messaging.

Honestly, I think it’s because of sensory overload, and some people have lost their ability to NOTICE the simplest things.

Anway….that’s my feeling. Can you tell I AGREE?

HA!

Great post, dear lady!

Travis Cody said...

I see it the same way you do. I make it a point to say "excuse me" to someone who has been rude. They may not change their behavior, but I will make my case in favor of good manners one way or another.

There is simply no excuse for not having good manners. There is even less excuse for not acknowledging good manners based on something as silly as "I'm a capable woman and I don't need a man to open a door for me".

Anonymous said...

I open doors for anyone nearby. I don't take into account age or gender or anything. Just human courtesy.

I wouldn't expect a kid to give up their seat just because I'm an adult. It is nice to have someone offer their seat when a woman is pregnant or to someone with a cane or something though.

Akelamalu said...

You are righ Storyteller, we can only keep setting an example and hope it rubs off.

Therein lies the problem Linda, an awful lot of adults are not setting an example.

I can be difficult to interact with children Lu, especially if you haven't got children of your own.


Ah yes Ron, I too think sensory overload has a lot to answer for.


We are in total agreement on this one Trav!


When I was young Kaknu for a child to give up their seat to an adult was the norm. One did it to respect age.

MarmiteToasty said...

I try so hard with the nippers in me care to help them with the simple manners in life, the please and thank yous..... yet a few times when I have seen some of the nippers with their parents, that all seems to go out the window LOL.....

I can only do my part and with me they are polite, kind, caring and their manners have often been mentioned when we have all been out places..... especially at Makro this one time when we took 8 under 5s in the cafe for lunch LOL..... I suppose it was unusual for people to see 8 nippers sitting nicely eating their lunch among the laffs and giggle without any running around or sillyness....

BRING BACK MANNERS lol

x

Marshall Family said...

I like to think I always practice good manners and do become frustrated when the basics are skipped. I am adament my 2 lil ones will have the manners of angels by the time they leave home!

Julia Phillips Smith said...

Ha Ha - my mom and I got into this discussion this past weekend. She sees a man giving up a seat to a woman as good manners. I do see it as insulting if I'm not pregnant or 90 - delicate flowers went the way of the dodo and corsets. I think it depends on your view of gender relations. If the man and woman are both in good health, they can both take the seat as far as I'm concerned - first come, first served.

My mom's answer to this is: 'Sometimes it's a way for a man to flirt with a woman.'
Me: (cue eye rolling now)

As for the Blog Blast - I'll be there!

Millennium Housewife said...

Over from Earnest's (rub two neurons), you deserve your awards - I'm sure he meant the awards were inversely proportional to the blog...! MH

nitebyrd said...

Manners and common courtesy do seem to have gone by the wayside. It's sad.

Akelamalu said...

Marmie I'm absolutely positive you do a great job with the nippers, such a shame if their parents don't do the same isn't it? :(

If we all do our bit Emmie good manners will never die out will they? :)

It must be a generation thing Julia, I would take it as a sign of good manners if a man or child were to offer their seat to me and I'm not in my dotage, yet! LOL

Thank you for stopping by Millenium Housewife, I'm sure Ernest did not mean anything hurtful by his remarks and I didn't take them as such. :)

Yes it is sad Nitebyrd. :(

Sandi McBride said...

It's the same here, my friend...the parents never taught them and parents seem to think that the teachers are glorified baby sitters...makes me ill. I am happy to report that my 9 year old G'daughter says please, thank you and yes/no Ma'am and yes/no Sir...you see her parents were taught, and it trickled down to her! Great post!
hugs
Sandi

aims said...

Elaine said it all. Parents need to teach their children-remember the song?

Catch said...

Manners have just gone out the door and its such a pity....I think it all started to go wrong when they said...dont whip your child...its cruel. They all need their asses beat when they are bad! And now..we are seeing a breed of children who respect no one and are completely out of control...arent ya glad ya ask????lmao

Catch said...

btw...thats me in my avatar!!!!lmao

Jo Beaufoix said...

I'm like you. I want my girls to have good manners and treat others with respect. It's awful when people seem to have none.

Lo Kelween said...

Nowadays kids are really spoilt. In the kindergarten I taught, the kids often misbehave themselves and even do not respect teachers.

it has been a long while not visiting your blog, akela, hope you are fine! :)

Akelamalu said...

You got it right Sandi good manners are passed down - I think some parents these days were not taught good manners themselves!

We all seem to be agreed Aims, that it's all down to parents.

Rightly or wrongly when we were kids you were kept in check by the threat of a clip round the ear - it worked! Scary avatar Catch! ;)

You got it right Jo xx

It's terrible that nursery chidren have no respect Elween :(

cheshire wife said...

I agree with you. Our neighbour's children never seem to say please or thank you.

Akelamalu said...

Doesn't it wind you up something rotten Cheshire Wife???

Anonymous said...

I am grateful to anyone, makle or female who holds opne a door for me. I hold open doors for anyone behind me, and if it is an elderly person, I'll hurry past them to open the door. It's just common niceness. I have a boyfriend now who always opens my car door. He knows I'm capable, but he does it anyway and I appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

Bad manners and lack of customer service...two of my petpeeves!!

Akelamalu said...

'Common Niceness' - absolutely correct Citizen!

Mine too Crazyworkingmom!

Mother of Invention said...

I say bring on the manners! it's still nice to receive politeness from a male and it should be vice versa.We need to teach kids more manners too.

Suburbia said...

I work in a junior school and you can get away with refusing to do anything unless they use the magic word/are polite!! I guess that wouldn't go down well in senior school!!!

What did happen to manners though? I hope my kids will remember theirs when they're that age, or is it a temporary blip in the teenage years?

Akelamalu said...

You are so right Moi!

Ah yes,Suburbia, it's much easier with junio school students but Senior School are a different kettle of fish altogether, though I don't let them get away with it. I hope it's just a temporary glitch!