Friday, 20 August 2010

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #131 Too Risky....


He slid the note across the counter to the bank teller.


"I've got a gun, put the money in a cash bag and hand it over, no funny business" it read.


Looking him straight in the eye she pressed the alarm button.


"What the f***? he yelled.


"I've changed my mind" she whispered "too risky".


Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.
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32 comments:

  1. mrsnesbitt20 August 2010 at 08:43

    Wonderful as ever! Boy I love this!

    Dxx

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  2. Jinksy20 August 2010 at 09:52

    That shows a lady with true grit! And the writer did a good job, too...

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  3. Gemma Wiseman aka Pamela Adams20 August 2010 at 10:02

    A snappy drama! Love the "kink" in the woman's whisper suggesting that she may have been in on the plan - once!

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  4. Akelamalu20 August 2010 at 10:52

    So pleased you like Mrs N :)

    Thanks Jinksy :)

    You 'got it' exactly Greyscale Territory!

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  5. Valerie20 August 2010 at 10:57

    Excellent... I love the way your mind works, you create the most fabulous twists.

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  6. Valerie20 August 2010 at 10:57

    Excellent... I love the way your mind works, you create the most fabulous twists.

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  7. Brian Miller20 August 2010 at 11:17

    oh dang sold out by the inside man (or woman). nice 55...

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  8. Dumdad20 August 2010 at 11:22

    Good one (again).

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  9. Claudia20 August 2010 at 11:29

    lol - nice one - had a good laugh

    mine is here

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  10. A Daft Scots Lass20 August 2010 at 11:49

    Awesome! Mines up too.

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  11. tony20 August 2010 at 12:06

    "A Teller" In more senses than one!

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  12. Mike Golch20 August 2010 at 12:28

    Good one,thanks for it.

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  13. Mike Golch20 August 2010 at 12:29

    PS,I like the new look.

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  14. MorningAJ20 August 2010 at 12:41

    Oh NICE! Lovewly twist in the tail. Maybe she set him up?

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  15. Empress Bee (of the high sea)20 August 2010 at 13:17

    oh no! she did NOT! ha ha ha

    smiles, bee
    xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  16. Julia Phillips Smith20 August 2010 at 14:22

    His inside job blew up in his face - stellar!

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  17. anthonynorth20 August 2010 at 15:06

    Excellent twist. Nice one.

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  18. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis Hall20 August 2010 at 15:33

    smart 55.
    creative and fun reading!

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  19. Ron20 August 2010 at 16:57

    BRAVA!!!!!!!

    I actually had to think about that ending for a second. You totally amaze me with your ability to twist these at the end!

    Excellent, m'dear!

    Have a wonderful weekend!

    x

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  20. Bubba20 August 2010 at 17:19

    The whole story's in the whisper. Nicely done!

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  21. Anonymous20 August 2010 at 19:35

    I tell you, you can be a master criminal LOL I never saw this coming. Perfect my friend and such a good twist. :) Have a wonderful Friday :)

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  22. PattiKen20 August 2010 at 22:04

    Oh, he should have chosen his accomplice with more care. Funny 55.

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  23. Cheryl21 August 2010 at 00:18

    Loved you twisted this up at the end! Absolutely fabulous 55.

    Mine's (55) Fifteen is far too young . . .

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  24. Spiky Zora Jones21 August 2010 at 00:31

    akelamalu: hahaha. :) This one is like those movies that has an alternative ending. And we get to pick the one we like best. :)

    loved it sweetie. have a wonderful weekend...xxxxx

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  25. G-Man21 August 2010 at 00:58

    I get it...
    You so sly Ake!
    Loved you 55 My Dear
    Awesome as always...
    Thank you for playing,and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

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  26. secret agent woman21 August 2010 at 02:24

    Ooh, betrayal!

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  27. clean and crazy21 August 2010 at 03:39

    what a clever little twist of fate!!

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  28. RNSANE21 August 2010 at 03:40

    Ohhhh, very exciting. Great job.
    Mine is at:

    http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2010/08/flash-55-friday-woe-is-me-august-20.html#links

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous21 August 2010 at 14:13

    One of the best 55's I've read. Good job! :-)

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  30. Akelamalu21 August 2010 at 16:09

    Thanks Valerie :)

    Yep sold out Brian

    Cheers Dumdad :)

    Glad you enjoyed it Claudia

    Thankyou Scots Lass :)

    Yes, you're right Tony ;)

    So pleased you liked he 55 and the makeover Mike.

    She let him take the wrap Morning AJ!

    She did Bee!

    Yep it did Julia ;)

    Thankyou Anthony

    Glad you liked it Jingle :)

    Aw you're too kind Ron xx

    The whisper said it all Eric, glad you enjoyed it.

    Me, a master criminal Thom? LOL

    Yes he definitely should have PattiKen LOL

    Thankyou muchly Cheryl :)

    Yes you can choose for yourself what happens next Spiky ;)

    Me, sly, G-man? LOL

    Betrayal indeed SAW

    Cheers Clean&Crazy

    Thanks RNSane

    Why thankyou Sashindoubutsu

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  31. Travis Cody22 August 2010 at 19:37

    Oh...the art of the double cross!

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  32. Akelamalu23 August 2010 at 10:44

    Indeedy Trav ;)

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