Everything And Nothing

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #39

2012-01-30T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is HIBERNATE here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

The trees said winter is on its way.

Time to hibernate Michael decided,

not realising that love was just around the corner

to change his mind.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #187 The Best..

2012-01-27T07:00:00.000Z

They are all clamouring for me, wanting the best that money can buy - that's me.

I can't remember how I got into it,

It is a lucrative business that keeps me in luxury.

My prices are high, but they are getting the best.

All the stables want their prize mares to breed with The Stallion.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

How children perceive their grandparents...

2012-01-25T07:00:00.000Z

I'm off out for the day today with MWM - lunch, shopping, enjoying ourselves - so I'll leave you with these observations, which were sent to me in an email. Have a good day and I'll catch up with you all later.

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,

"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #38

2012-01-23T11:49:00.003Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is BLUSTER here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Bluster was a big attraction at the stables as the laughinghorse.

What they don’t know is that he can talk too

and his grandfather is Mr Ed.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #186 Stage Door...

2012-01-20T07:00:00.000Z

She stood waiting patiently with the crowd at the stage door.

He was a marvelous singer, she had all his records.

It was understandable why he had so many fans.

She loved him. She hoped he would notice her.

As he came through the door he spotted her.

"What you doing here Mum?" he asked.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Lanzarote Part 2..

2012-01-18T07:00:00.000Z

Up early for breakfast on the first full day of our holiday found us exploring what the hotel had to offer. Whilst the hotel, from the front, was two stories high the lift traversed four stories because the hotel is built on the side of a cliff. Here's some photos of the middle of the hotel taken from various floors.

We did some sunbathing around the pool but it was quite breezy which made it cool to sit out, so, after lunch, we found a comfy chair on the terrace and enjoyed the sun without the cool breeze, whilst enjoying coffee and a brandy and reading.

I was just having a quiet snooze (I think it must have been the brandy) when I heard a whooshing only to look up and see a huge hawk landing on the ballustrade! Minutes later the hawk's handler arrived.

The hawk and it's handler stayed for about 20 minutes demonstrating the hawk's flying. We presume it had been brought into the hotel to frighten away the pigeons and other birds, which caused a bit of a nuisance.

After a thoroughly relaxing and entertaining day we returned to our room to watch the sunset from our balcony

before getting ready for dinner, which we enjoyed in the Chinese Restaurant.

After enjoying a few drinks and the entertainment on offer in one of the bars we retired to our suite looking forward to Day 3 of our holiday.

Join me for a trip into Playa Blanca in Lanzarote Part 3.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #37

2012-01-16T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is DREAM here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

In her dreams, Ann was a film star, a celebrity, famous.

In reality she was a wife, mother, sister, daughter.

She knew which she’d rather be.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #185 Interview....

2012-01-13T07:00:00.000Z

Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong.

Late for work, missed the bus, laddered tights, heavy rain.

Why today of all days?

She needed this job, she had been lucky to get an interview.

She couldn’t believe it when he said “The job’s yours if youwant it!”

Who said Friday 13^th was unlucky?

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Lanzarote Part 1....

2012-01-11T07:00:00.000Z

You may remember we had a week away in Lanzarote (Canary Islands for those who may not know) at the beginning of December. The holiday was All Inclusive in the four star Sandos Papagayo Arena, just outside the southern resort of Play Blanca.

Lanzarote is situated just 79 miles off the coast of Africa and is the most easterly of the Canary Islands. The island is 37 miles (60km) long and 12 miles (20 km) wide, making it the fourth largest island in the Canaries. As with the other Canary Islands, Lanzarote is volcanic in origin. There is no billboard advertising and no high rise buildings in Lanzarote, with the exception the Grand Hotel in Arrecife. Some historians supposed that the legendary continent Atlantis was located in this area.

People think that the Canary Islands get their name from the birds canaries but actually the canary bird received it's name after the people the Canarii. All breeds of canary birds descend from the canary birds that still exist on the island. When the Romans came to the Canary Islands they encountered not only fierce natives but also their dogs. The latin word for dog is "canis" and they actually named one of the islands "canaria" because of these dogs.

We arrived at the hotel in the early afternoon and were really pleased with the room, or should I say suite, we were given the key to.

Our travel agent had let the hotel know that it was our anniversary during our stay so they had left a nice bottle of champagne on ice ready for our arrival, which we opened as soon as we had unpacked and enjoyed sitting in the early evening sunshine on the balcony. Well we didn't want it warming up and spoiling did we?

We had a lovely view of the sea and another of the Canary Islands, Fuerteventura, from our balcony

and a very interestingly shaped cactus growing in a planter on it too.

We watched the sun setting

before getting ready to go to dinner.

The hotel boasts four restaurants, all buffet style, International, Italian, Chinese and French. There was also a Snack bar where you could get Fast food: hot and cold snacks, ice-cream, water, soft drinks, wine and beer 24 hours a day..We tried them all except the French one, it wasn't open on the night we tried to book it for our anniversary unfortunately. The food in all the restaurants was superb and you could help yourself to wine (white, rose & red) and beer and soft drinks. There were numerous bars offering entertainment, a Spa, 3 adult pools and 2 children's pools. In fact there was everything one could possibly want.

After a superb dinner we decided to sit on the outside terrace of one of the bars as it was a warm evening, enjoying a few drinks before retiring.

Next time I'll show you some photos inside and outside of the hotel.

I hope you'll join me for Lanzarote Part 2.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #36

2012-01-09T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is DRIFT here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Whilst taking a quick break from the kitchen restaurant

Tom attempted to demonstrate the height of the snow drift

where he lost his car keys.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #184 Stuck....

2012-01-06T07:00:00.000Z

She grabbed the end and tugged.

It's stuck, she thought, she tugged again.

It didn't budge.

If I clear some of this other stuff it may come free.

She tried again.

It was no use.

"Ah that's the reason" she said

as she glared at the woman holding the other end of the sale dress.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Hops and Vines Part 4......

2012-01-04T07:00:00.000Z

I know it's been a while but I finally got round to writing about the last day of our Hops and Vines trip in October.

The last day found us leaving the hotel and heading for the Roman City of St Albans, the last place to visit on our weekend away.

Click on photos to bigify.

The city was renamed St. Albans for Alban, a citizen of the Roman city of Verulamium, who became a Christian after having sheltered a visiting Christian priest from persecution. He was put to death in the 3rd century AD for refusing to renounce his new faith. Alban was buried on the hillside and is honoured here as the first Christian martyr of Britain. There is a shrine to St. Alban in the magnificent Cathedral and Abbey Church of St Alban, which dates back to 1077.

The Cathedral and Abbey Church of St. Alban

The splendid high altar screen was erected by Abbot William of Wallingford in 1484.

The statues in the recesses and the crucifix were restored in the late 19th century. The altarpiece showing Christ's resurrection is by Sir Alfred Gilbert, who also designed the 'Eros' statue in Piccadilly Circus.

Tapestry depicting the history of the Cathedral

In the Nave the pilgrims prepared themselves at altars in front of the Norman pillars for their visit to the Shrine, where they prayed for the healing of body and soul. The paintings on the west side of these pillars can be interpreted as altar pieces. The paintings were hidden after the Reformation under whitewash and rediscovered in 1862. Removing the lime-based wash destroyed much of the colour and detail. If you biggify the photo above you will see the faint outline of some of the paintings on the pillars on the left hand side of the pews.

The stained glass in the Rose Window was designed by Alan Younger and given by Laporte Industries in 1989. It was unveiled by Diana, Princess of Wales.

Replica of the Wallingford Clock

This is a replica of the 14th century clock which is depicted in the tapestry on the north wall of the Nave. The original clock was designed and constructed by Richard of Wallingford, who was Abbot here from 1327 until his death in1336. It was amazingly advanced for its time, being one of the very earliest mechanical clocks. In addition to striking the hour, the clock incorporated an Astronomical section which showed the current position of the stars as well as the Sun and Moon and also the current phase of the Moon. Not only this, but he clock also predicted Lunar eclipses. A symbol represented the mythical Dragon, which was supposed to have eaten the Moon whenever an eclipse occurred.

There is so much more to see in this beautiful Cathedral, so if you ever find yourself in St Albans do go and visit it.

Leaving the Cathedral behind we ventured round the quaint streets of the City looking for somewhere to have something to eat and a little retail therapy.

After a nice meal we returned to the coach and completed our journey home.

I hope you enjoyed our Hops & Vines Trip as much as we did.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #35

2012-01-02T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is MEMORIES here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Seeing that dinosaur has made me think that

it could bring back so many memories

if only I hadn’t had far too many of those glasses ofbubbly!

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T12:28:00.001Z

Countdown

2011-12-31T07:00:00.000Z

New Years Countdown Tickers

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #183 2011....

2011-12-30T07:00:00.000Z

It has been a wonderful year,

So many good things happened.

So much to be grateful for,

then in October Dad died.

My world fell apart.

However, reflecting on what’s past and what could be in thefuture

I’m very optimistic and happy, just how Dad would havewanted me to be.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

What I owe my mother....

2011-12-28T07:00:00.000Z

Recieved in an email but oh so true LOL
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry
about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
'You'll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER ..
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18.
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
to get stuck that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP .
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR .
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN
ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow
up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favourite:
My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you '

Christmas Greetings...

2011-12-25T07:00:00.000Z

Wishing you all a Very Merry Christmas

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #182 A Christmas Visitor..

2011-12-23T07:00:00.000Z

Quietly easinghimself down the chimney,

careful to notdislodge too much soot,

he landed gently onthe hearth of the fireplace.

“Oh bugger, I forgot the sack” he whispered up thechimney.

The sack was throwndown

and the robber filledit with the family’s presents from under the tree

before exiting thedoor!

Sorry were you expecting Santa?? LOL

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

The Reformed Parrott....

2011-12-22T07:00:00.000Z

Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a mean attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words,

playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot. He yelled back.

I shook him and he got even angrier and ruder.

So, and in desperation, I grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

PS I didn't write this, I received it in an email and wanted to share it with you.

A Christmas Story.....

2011-12-21T07:00:00.000Z

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #34

2011-12-19T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is NIMBLE here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Watching Santa ease himself down the chimney

Snowman tipped his hat at him.

Give the man his due,

He’s incredibly nimblefor such a fat bloke.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #181 ChristmasTrifle......

2011-12-16T07:00:00.000Z

He crept downstairs heading for the kitchen.

“She’s behind you?”called the parrot.

“Oh no she’s isn’t”he said, lifting the trifle out of the fridge.

“Oh yes she is” said parrot.

“We shouldn’t have let you watch that panto” he told theparrot.

“Leave that trifle alone, you’re on a diet” said his wife.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Our Poor Old English language.....

2011-12-14T07:00:00.000Z

Only in Britain - extracts from complaint letters to local housing councils.

1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6 a.m. his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC 2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #33

2011-12-12T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is DILIGENT here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Heads down, eyes focused, the trio were diligent in theirsearch.

Surely an impossible task - to find a lost earring in a snowcovered field.

Bye......

2011-11-30T07:00:00.000Z

No words of wisdom, no stories, no travelogues today.

I'm busy packing - we're off to Lanzarote and a week in the sun tomorrow.

See you when we get back.

Be good.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #32

2011-11-28T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is COMPLACENT here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

The complacent attitude of the people in the book signingqueue would disappear

when they discovered the author had gone home two hoursago.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #180 Benefactor...

2011-11-25T07:00:00.000Z

Born November 1957 and destined to make a lot of people rich, a benefactor.

People were more than willing to invest their hard earned savings,

Especially as they were guaranteed their original investment back whenever they wanted it.

Affectionately known as Ernie......

the Electric Random Number Indicator Equipment which chooses the winning Premium Bond Numbers.

Hops & Vines Part 3

2011-11-23T07:00:00.000Z

Day three of our weekend dawned bright, sunny and warm! After a hearty breakfast we headed to Kent's oldest commercial Vineyard - Biddenden - which was established in 1969 as part of the initiative to re-introduce the wine industry to the area. Biddenden Vineyard is reached via the quaintly named Gribble Bridge Lane.

The vineyards now extend to 21 acres, the grapes grown on a wine trellis system are harvested during late September and early October. Pressing, fermentation and bottling all takes place on site and the vineyards produce White, Red and Sparkling Wines from the 10 varieties of grapes planted here.

Prior to establishing the vineyards, Little Whatmans Farm comprised of 45 acres of apple orchards and Biddenden's involvement in growing apples has not been lost. Biddenden Cider Works produces high quality traditional Strong Kentish Ciders and farm pressed pure apple juices from locally grown apples.

It was a perfect day to tour the vineyard, set in the beautiful Kent countryside, seeing and hearing about the various grapes grown there and the resulting wines made from the grapes. I've put together a little slide show of the vineyard, I think you'll agree it really is beautiful.

We were taken into the works where we saw the machinery involved in the wine and cider making process. Biddenden produce English Wine, the difference between English and British Wine is English Wines are made form fresh grapes grown in England, whilst British Wine is simply produced from foreign grape juice.

Then we got to taste both the wines and the ciders and purchased some of course. We're looking forward to sharing them, especially some warmed 'Monk's Delight Spiced Cider' - guaranteed to warm the cockles of your heart. If you ever find yourself in Kent do go and visit Biddenden Winery, you won't be disappointed.

Leaving the vineyard behind we proceeded to our next stop, Tenterden, known as 'The Jewel in the Weald' for some lunch, which we enjoyed sitting in the sunshine in the garden of a local pub.

Tenterden has a Fine High Street with historic houses, shops, restaurants and pubs. William Caxton, who in 1477 printed the first English book, was said to have been born here. Keeping guard over the town is the pinnacled tower of St. Mildreds Church from where once the signal beacon warned of the approach of the Spanish Armada, and where later Lord Nelson's daughter, Horatia was the wife of the vicar. Unfortunately we didn't have very much time in Tenterden before it was time to make the lovely journey through the Kent Downs to Elham Valley Vineyard.

Elham Valley Vineyard was cultivated and planted by the original owners in 1985-86 but over recent years the health of the vines has declined, with the 2010 harvest being extremely disappointing the support stakes have inevitable rotted and need replacement. The Trust wanted to change the varieties of grapes grown to be able to produce improved quality wines and an increased range. With support of the Kent Downs Area of Oustanding Natural Beauty and The Brook Trust they are now embarking on a replanting project.

There is a small garden centre at Elham Valley which we were able to visit and though we didn't get to taste any wines we did enjoy a lovely cream tea instead. Much of the work done at the centre and many of the goods sold there are provided by disabled people. After a lovely day enjoying the Kent countryside it was time to head back to our hotel for a short rest before dinner and discussing the day's events.

I hope you'll join me for the last day of our trip in Hops & Vines Part 4.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #31

2011-11-21T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is BEHOLDEN here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Thou art looking very homely Martha.

Thankyou Jacob I’m beholdento you,

but flattery won’t get you anywhere with me,

I’m a good Quaker girl.

No.....

2011-11-18T07:00:00.000Z

Friday Flash 55 today cos it's my birthday and I'm going out with My Wonderful Man to do a bit of shopping,then a long leisurely lunch and a few glasses of wine at our favourite restaurant.

Help yourself to a slice of cake

and a glass of bubbly

and I'll see you tomorrow.

Hops & Vines Part 2...

2011-11-16T07:00:00.000Z

Day two of our long weekend away found us heading for historic Canterbury, it's skyline dominated by the stunning cathedral, the oldest in England.

Canterbury Cathedral's history goes back to 597AD when St Augustine, sent by Pope Gregory the Great as a missionary, established his seat (or 'Cathedra') in Canterbury. In 1170 Archbishop Thomas Becket was murdered in the Cathedral and ever since the Cathedral has attracted thousands of pilgrims, as told famously in Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.

Here is a quick summary of the Cathedral's history, you can read more here. The best know event in the Cathedral's history was the murder of Archbishop Thomas Becket in 1170, you can read about him here.

Through the Centuries

597 St. Agustine arrived in Kent and soon established the first Cathedral

1070 - 1077 Cathedral rebuilt by Archbishop Lanfranc

1098 - 1130 New Quire built over a Crypt (present Western Crypt)

1170 Thomas Becket murdered in the Cathedral

1175 - 1184 Quire rebuilt. Eastern Crypt, Trinity and Corona Chapels added (all as seen today)

1220 Becket's body placed in new Shrine in Trinity Chapel

1377 - 1405 Lanfranc Nave demolished and rebuilt as seen today; Cloister vaulting inserted

c1450 Pulpitum Screen constructed

1498 Bell Harry Tower extended and the Cathedral largely complete as seen today

1538 Becket's Shrine destroyed by Henry VIII

1540 Monastery dissolved by royal command

1541 New Foundation of Dean and Chapter established

1660 - 1704 Repair and refurbishing after Puritan damage

1834 North West tower rebuilt

1954 Library rebuilt, repairing War damage

1986 Altar of the Sword's Point (Martyrdom) restored

1988 Compass Rose placed in the Nave

2000 International Study Centre opened in the Precincts

We took photographs as we walked round the quaint streets of Canterbury and were able to take photographs in the Cathedral, so I've put together a slide show with the best, showing just how beautiful the town and the Cathedral are.

The next stop on our intinerary was Faversham and the Shepherd Neame Brewery. The story of Shepherd Neame began in1698 when Captain Richard Marsh of the Cinque Ports Militia, a mayor of Faversham, founded a brewery over an artesian well in the town's Court Street, then known as North Street. At that time, Faversham was a bustling port, and already enjoyed a brewing tradition dating back to the 12th century when King Stephen founded a Benedictine abbey just yards from the present brewery site. It didn't take the Cluniac monks long to discover that Faversham's pure spring water could be combined with locally-grown malting barley to produce a particularly fine ale. You can read further about the history of Shepherd Neame, Faversham here.

We enjoyed a tour of the brewery, learning about the brewing process from start to finish, before retiring to the private bar to enjoy a sample of some of the brewery's famous ales. Here's a slide show of the workings of the brewery.

Another fabulous day was had by all and unfortunately it was time to head back to the hotel. There again we still had tomorrow's itinerary to look forward to, so I hope you will join me for Hops & Vines Part 3.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #30

2011-11-14T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is SERENE here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Little boats, bobbing on calm waters,

suggest a serene existencefor the peoples living on the river.

Closer inspection suggests the opposite.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #179 Remembrance..

2011-11-11T07:00:00.000Z

It was a long time ago,

his memory wasn’t what it once was.

He couldn't remember the name of the comrade

who had fallen athis side on the battlefieldin WWII.

He would always honour his memory though,

by buying a poppy

and wearing it with pride

On 11^th November, Remembrance Day.

Will you?

Hops & Vines Part 1....

2011-11-09T07:00:00.000Z

You may remember we had a long weekend away a few weeks ago and from the title of this post you would be right in thinking the trip had something to do with breweries and vineyards, but that wasn't all.

We were picked up by taxi from home and transported to the nearest motorway services to join the coach which too us to our first stop, Belvoir Brewery in the Vale of Belvoir (pronounced Beaver) in Leicestershire, for a tour and tastings of their beers.

The original brewery was set up in 1995, using mostly original equipment and artefacts recovered from traditional cask ale breweries all over the country. Time honoured brewing methods are used incorporating only the finest malt and hops, including several varieties of choice whole hops from Worcester and traditionally malted best English barley.

The tour inlcuded an education video, a guided tour of the brewery and ended with a tasting session in the Sample Cellar, where we were treated to jugs of five of Belvoir Brewery's finest ales, such as Star Mild, Gordon Bennett, Beaver Best Bitter, Old Dalby Strong Ale and Star Bitter.

As you can imagine after tasting all those beers we were ready for some lunch and our next stop was Melton Mowbray, famous for it's Pork Pies and Stilton Cheese, where we had some lunch and explored the quaint streets.

Dickinson & Morris has been baking pork pies at Ye Olde Pork Pie Shoppe in Melton Mowbray since 1851. They have the dual acclaim of being the oldest pork pie bakery and the last remaining producer of authentic Melton Mowbray pork pie based in the town centre. In recent years, due to unprecedented demand, the baking of these pies also takes place at a larger baker located just outside Leicester. You can order their pies online here.

Stilton® Cheese derives its name from the village of Stilton, Cambridgeshire. It was sold there to coach travellers on the Great North Road, travelling between London and Scotland.

In the 18th Century, it was recorded that cheese for the Bell Inn, Stilton was procured by a Mrs Paulet, a cheese-making farmer's wife living near Melton Mowbray, for her brother-in-law Cooper Thornhill. He was reputed to have been the landlord of the inn at that time. This story therefore connects Stilton® cheese-making with the area around Melton Mowbray. Stilton® cheese may only be produced in the counties of Leicestershire, Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire and is protected by a certification trademark. This has ultimately lead to Stilton® being awarded a Protected Designation of Origin (PDO) by the European Commission.

The phrase 'painting the town red' originated in Melton when some young aristocrats up for the hunt went on a drunken spree in the 1800s and literally painted Melton town centre red.

Our companions, Terry and Dot, bought a couple of the famous Melton Mowbray Pork Pies and we bought some home-made chutney.

Our visit to Belvoir Brewery and Melton Mowbray over it was time to board the coach and head for our hotel, the Ramada Maidstone, which was to be our base for the weekend.

I hope you'll join me for Hops & Vines Part Two.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #29

2011-11-07T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is REPUGNANT here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation

Though repugnant to the women, folk dancing was necessary tokeep the tourists happy.

Thankfully their homemade wine gave them Dutch courage.

Dona Nobis Pacem.....

2011-11-04T07:00:00.000Z

Please join the Peace movement by flying a Peace Globe on your blog with your own message for Peace. Together we can make a difference.

If you haven't already got your Peace Globe please go to Mimi's and get one then fly it with pride and sign the Mr Linky to let everyone know you have participated.

Just for fun....

2011-11-03T17:14:00.001Z

Go to Google search and type in do a barrel roll and see what happens.

Don't give it away in the comments please it will spoil the fun for others.

Enjoy.

Mental Age Assessment.....

2011-11-02T07:00:00.000Z

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University ..

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it!

1.This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is keep cat.

6. This is an cat.

7. This is old cat.

8. This is fart cat.

9. This is busy cat.

10. This is for cat.

11. This is forty cat.

12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

I bet you cannot resist passing it on..

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #28

2011-10-31T07:00:00.000Z

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is EERIE here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Miguel and Pablo had popped out for lunch,

They found it eerie that people thought they were in fancydress,

these were their normal clothes.

Dad's dilemma......

2011-10-27T16:07:00.003+01:00

Remembering how my Dad made me laugh has prompted me to repost this anecdote from November 2007. I miss him.

Dad had to go into hospital yesterday, just for the day, to have a transfusion because he is anaemic. Now Dad has smoked since he was twelve years old, no amount of cajoling, pressure or anything else, from anyone including doctors, will convince him to give up and he wasn’t looking forward to being hooked up to a drip for umpteen hours without being able to have a fag!
He rang me at 5 p.m. to tell me he had just come home, so I went to see him.

“How did you get on today at the hospital Dad?” I asked

“I was asleep most of the day because I was bored and I couldn’t have a cigarette” he told me.

“So you didn’t have a cigarette all day?” I said “That’s good, perhaps you can give up?”

I knew what the answer would be, and I can’t repeat it here, and what he told me next had me laughing so much I could hardly breathe, you couldn’t make it up honestly! Here’s what happened……

Dad had been hooked up to a drip and a BP monitor all day and a couple of times during the day he had asked the nurses if they could unhook him from the drip so he could go outside for a cigarette, but of course they refused which is why he was asleep most of the day because it takes the craving away. At 4.30 p.m ish he awoke and noticed that the drip had finished so he called the nurse over to ask if she would unhook him as he needed the toilet. She said she couldn’t do that as she needed to put some saline through but she could unhook him from the BP monitor and would walk him to the toilet carrying the drip whilst he leaned on his stick (he needs a hip replacement remember). Whilst Dad did need the toilet, what he really wanted was to then be able to go outside for a smoke – this had scuppered his plan!

Once in the toilet the nurse hooked the drip bag on the coat hook on the door and told Dad to pull the help-cord when he was finished so she could help him back to his bed. As soon as she’d gone Dad lit up a cigarette having realised that this was probably the only toilet in the entire hospital not displaying No Smoking signs. After the initial rush of the nicotine he undid his trousers and tried to sit on the toilet but, because of his hip and the toilet being so low, he couldn’t get down that far, eventually in desperation he just fell on the toilet and finished his cigarette.

When he’d finished his cigarette and his ablutions he found that he had no support apart from his stick to heave himself off the seat, and he remonstrated with himself for smoking and getting himself into such a predicament. Eventually he noticed a sort of bar swinging from the ceiling but being unsure as to its purpose he gave it a couple of tugs before he felt confident enough that it would support his weight. Once assured, he tried to pull himself up using the bar and his walking stick for support. Alas it wasn’t working. He then decided if he held onto the bar and jerked himself up he could get himself into a standing position – it worked, but unfortunately as he stood his pants dropped to his ankles! By this time he said he was breathless and couldn’t do anything apart from lean on his stick and hang on to the pole. After what seemed like an eternity he managed to pull his pants up with his stick and get them fastened and holding the drip bag aloft he ventured out of the cubicle leaning heavily on his stick.

Scanning the room for the help-cord he realised that it was over the other side of the room and his hip was hurting so much he couldn’t face the trek so he began trying to hook the cord with his stick. He got the cord swinging and as it ‘flirted’ wildly by he made a grab for it managing to catch and pull it at the same time. All this for a cigarette he remonstrated with himself, but it had taken him so long that all tell-tale signs smoke and smell-wise had dissipated, thankfully.
Within a few minutes the nurse had come to help him back to his bed.

“Are you OK Mr D, you’ve been a long time” she asked.

“Don’t ask, luv, just don’t ask” he replied.

Celebration of Life..

2011-10-12T16:20:00.000+01:00

Dad and Mum

Together again

Everything sorted now. No funeral, Dad left his remains to The Anatomy Dept at Manchester University for research. Instead we're having a huge party to celebrate his life, on what would have been his 87th birthday in November. He would have loved that.

Thankyou all so much for your kind messages, I really appreciate them all. We are going away this weekend for a few days, something that was planned months ago and I know my Dad would want us to carry on - he was always saying 'Life Goes On' and indeed it does. Eventually the pain will ease I know and the love my Dad gave us will never die, he will always be with us.

I will be back blogging soon I hope.

A last goodbye....

2011-10-07T19:25:00.000+01:00

My beloved Father, Joseph Henry Dawson, left us at 2.30 this afternoon to be with the love of his life Elsie, my Mum. RIP Dad I love you more than I could ever tell you and I will miss you forever. You were THE BEST Dad in the world and taught me everything. God Bless. x

Sorry.....

2011-10-04T18:26:00.003+01:00

I've not been blogging, my Dad is seriously ill in hospital so I'm spending all my time there.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #27

2011-10-03T07:00:00.000+01:00

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is PUGNACIOUS here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

They had called Jack pugnacious at school but he’d just beenvery competitive.

He proved that he could still pee the furthest at the reunion.

Sorry.....

2011-10-01T11:17:00.000+01:00

I've not visited, especially 55 ers. My Dad is in ICU.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #178 Torture...

2011-09-30T07:00:00.000+01:00

He hated it when they washed him with that horrible medicated stuff.

It stung like hell, made his back feel as though it was on fire

and the water was too hot, scalding him.

Why do they do it, why can't they leave me alone?

They're trying to get rid of me....

because I'm bacteria.

Our latest jaunt.......

2011-09-28T07:00:00.000+01:00

was to Loughborough. The point of us going was to experience a ride on the Steam Train from Loughborougth to Leicester via Quorn, on the Great Central Railway, then when we booked the train and the hotel we found out that there was a Real Ale Beer Festival taking place at the station whilst we were there -YAY. Unfortunately the day before we were embarking on our little jaunt MWM discovered that there were no public trains running on the line on the Friday, only on the Saturday and Sunday, and we were due to come home on Saturday morning as we had a wedding reception to attend on Saturday evening. Bugger!

Anyway we decided we would make the best of the trip, after all there was a Beer Festival on. We had to get the train to Sheffield then change for the trip to Loughborough, arriving at our hotel The Ramada at approx 3 p.m. We were given the key to our room but when we went in the bed hadn't been made up so I telephoned reception to let them know. Within 5 minutes the nice man who had booked us in was knocking at our door with the key to an upgraded room - very nice start to our stay. We quickly unpacked (there wasn't much as we were only there for 2 days) and then set off to do a quick reccy of the town centre, mainly looking for places to eat and drink, of course we had to sample a couple of pubs offering real ales on our way round. We found The Moomba Restaurant, which serves Australian cuisine, which we had seen when we Googled places to eat in Loughborough and decided to telephone to make a reservation when we went back to the hotel to freshen up. The food was really good and the atmosphere was very relaxed, a good start to the evening. After dining we went to a couple of pubs but by 10 p.m. we were really tired and decided to go back to the hotel and have an early night.

When we found out we wouldn't be able to have a steam train ride we Googled 'what to do in Loughborough' and found this

John Taylor and Co, Bell Foundry, who continue a line of bellfounding which has been unbroken since the middle of the 14th Century when Johannes de Stafford was active only 10 miles from the site of the present foundry. Since 1784 the business has been in the hands of the Taylor family. In 1839 the business settled in Loughborough and is now proud to operate the largest bellfoundry in the world and is one of only two in the country the other one being in Whitechapel. Taylors are the makers of Great Paul in 1881, the largest bell in the UK, which resides in St Paul's Cathedral in London. Taylors also made Malta's Siege Bell and bells for York Minster.

We were given a tour of the fascinating museum by a nice young man who also explained the process for making bells and we were surprised to learn that one of the key ingredients in making a bell is horse manure! We got to ring some of the bells in the museum and the sounds they emitted were fabulous. I've put together a little slide show of what we saw in the museum and the foundry itself and if you every find yourself in Loughborough with a couple of hours to spare I would highly recommend you visit this fascinating historical place.

After our bell foundry experience we went in a little cafe for a sandwich and a coffee before heading for

where the Real Ale Beer Festival was taking place. We paid £3 to get on the station platform then £10 for a card to pay for the beer and £2 for the pint glass. Expensive you might think but anything not used on the £10 card was refundable (we used it all, surprise surprise) and the £2 was refundable on the glass. Glass and card in hand we proceeded to sample the real ales on offer.

We sampled such delights as 'Roll in the Hay', 'Welcome To The Freak Show', 'Westoe IPA', 'Spellbound', 'White Hart', 'Prowler', 'Rivet Catcher', 'Magnum Mild', 'Big Red' and 'Hoare Farm Rosehip Cider'. Those were between us mind, we didn't both try them all LOL. We met some really nice people and enjoyed some interesting conversations about real ale pubs all over the country.

MWM was happy even though he didn't get to ride on the steam train, he did get to see some and took photos of course. The numbers don't mean anything to me but they may to some of you train buffs out there.

After a great afternoon we headed back for the hotel to have a little rest before going to a lovely Chinese restaurant 'The Laughing Buddha' just around the corner from the hotel, where we had the special set meal for two which consisted of

Special Platter (prawn toast, spare ribs, crispy seaweed, spring rolls and chicken satay)

****

Crispy Aromatic Duck with pancakes

****

Sizzling Chicken with Green Pepper and Black Bean Sauce

Crispy Chilli Beef in Bird's Nest

Yung Chow Fried Rice

****

A nice bottle of house wine

Coffee to follow

a superb meal in very pleasant surroundings with fabulous service, thoroughly recommended.

Full to overflowing we left the restaurant and walked round the corner to the Moon and Bell to finish off the night with a couple of drinks before heading back to the hotel and our bed for a good night's sleep before an early start the following morning on our trip home.

All in all we had a great couple of days in Loughborough. No doubt we will have to go back at some point so that we can actually ride on the train from Loughborough to Leicester, which is why we arranged the trip in the first place.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #26

2011-09-26T07:00:00.000+01:00

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is MIRED here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

They were having great fun playing in the leaves.

Little did they know what lurked beneath,

until they became mired in it a few minutes later.

The Bathing Suit (by a middle-age woman - unknown)

2011-09-21T07:00:00.000+01:00

When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure
was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They
were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a
figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent
rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe,
by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted
those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.

I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I
would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a
shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!

You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, with or without a stylish bathing suit!

Ring any bells ladies???? LOL

I'm off on a jaunt tomorrow, which I will tell you about next week. Be good while I'm away.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #25

2011-09-19T07:00:00.000+01:00

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is BENEFICIAL here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Although it was giving Benjamin a headache,

Juliette assured him that it was beneficial to him that theyhold hands whilst they were playing.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #177 New Doctor..

2011-09-16T07:00:00.000+01:00

"The new doctor is wonderful"said Matron

"the patients love him and he's sopolite.

“Here he is now” she told the new nurse.

"I know him" said the nurse

"he's only been here a couple ofweeks right?”

"That's right, how did youknow?" replied Matron.

"He's my neighbour,

and he's not a doctor!"

Advice for travellers to Australia....

2011-09-14T07:00:00.000+01:00

These were posted on an Australian tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!).

__________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK )

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
__________________________________________________

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #24

2011-09-12T07:00:00.000+01:00

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is METHODICAL here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Through the window Melanie watched her husband lining up thechildren’s toys.

He’d complained she was methodical but she was sure he hadOCD!

Remembering Nine Eleven..

2011-09-11T07:00:00.000+01:00

The world will never forget.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #176 Alone...

2011-09-09T07:00:00.000+01:00

The baby clung to his dead mother.

Surrounded by the mutilated bodies of his family,

hacked, dismembered, bloody.

The gang had come at dawn with guns and machetes, sparing none.

He lay silently, they hadn't seen him, he was spared.

Much later......

the ranger picked up the orphaned gorilla and put him in the truck.

Dixieland Part 11...

2011-09-07T07:00:00.000+01:00

Our last day in Atlanta dawned and we realised it was also our last day in America! We were due to fly home in the evening but had a busy day ahead of us before we actually left.

Before embarking on our first excursion for the day we took at photograph of a house quite near to our hotel.

Margaret Mitchell's house. Of course you know that Margaret Mitchell wrote 'Gone With The Wind' and this tied in nicely with our trip which was to take the 'Road To Tara', in Jonesboro, Georgia, home of the fictional Tara Plantation from her classic novel.

Arriving at the Road to Tara Museum we met up with a local costume historian who guided us through the museum and joined us on the coach as we toured the area, entertaining us with both historical and hysterical information about this deep southern town. The museum contains many exhibits such as detailed and accurate reproductions of the costumes worn by Vivien Leigh (Scarlett O'Hara) and other stars from the film, as well as Margaret Mitchell's china, and an authentic 'Sherman's necktie' (a section of rail twisted into a loop so as to be useless to a railroad company) from the Civil War. It was an entertaining and informative tour and one I would certainly recommend to anyone visiting the area.

Our next stop was a tour of the World of Coca Cola. A unique experience that includes interactive exhibits, historical memorabilia, a sensory 4D film, a functioning bottling line, and the chance to sample over 60 different refreshing flavours from around the world. There is so much to see and it's very informative, a delight for children and we didn't realise there were so many different flavours of Coca Cola!

After our tour of the World Coca Cola we went in here,

where we enjoyed a burger and a milk shake,

whilst reflecting on all the wonderful things and places we had seen on our 12 day trip to the U.S.A. Then, all too soon, it was time to head back to the hotel to meet Alice (our tour director) and Jerome (our coach driver) who were waiting to take us to the airport to catch our flight home.

We had a wonderful time and the places and things we saw and the people we met will provide some wonderful memories. We cannot praise Alice and Jerome enough, they really made the whole tour a delight, Jetsave should be very proud of them. Alice was a fountain of knowledge about every place we stopped, we never had to find a bank to change travellers cheques we just signed them and Alice handed over the money, if we wanted a postcard sending we just wrote it out and gave it to Alice with $1 and she posted it and we never had to queue to check into a hotel because Alice was in there first booking us all in and then gave us our room keys. Jerome made sure our luggage was on the coach every time we moved to a different location, his careful driving (over 2200 miles from end to end) made all the journeys we took comfortable and we always felt safe, so I'd just like to say a big THANKYOU to them both for making our holiday such a pleasurable one.

I hope you've enjoyed our Dixieland Tour as much as we did. We're now planning our next trip to the States with the same tour company (Jetsave) for August 2012 taking in Los Angeles,Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Fresno, Sonora, Lake Tahoe, San Francisco, Lompoc and back to Los Angeles - we can't wait!

Read Dixieland Part 1 here
Read Dixieland Part 2 here
Read Dixieland Part 3 here
Read Dixieland Part 4 here
Read Dixieland Part 5 here
Read Dixieland Part 6 here
Read Dixieland Part 7 here
Read Dixieland Part 8 here
Read Dixieland Part 9 here
Read Dixieland Part 10 here

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #23

2011-09-04T23:00:00.000+01:00

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is PRACTICE here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

As a new GP John was looking forward to starting his new practicein the quaint little town,

but that was before he saw the surgery building.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #175 Demolition...

2011-09-01T23:00:00.000+01:00

Harry removed the doors and windows of the conservatory and smiled as he wielded the sledgehammer, demolishing the walls.

Arriving home from work Janice watched open mouthed.

"What do you think you're doing?" screamed Janice.

Harry carried on.

"Stop, stop now please!" pleaded Janice.

"Too late" said Harry grinning smugly,

"you should've paid the bill!"

Little girl on a plane......

2011-08-31T09:02:00.000+01:00

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker
if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is
no GOD or no Heaven or Hell or no life after death?" as he smiled
smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD or no Heaven or Hell or no life after death, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book.Imagine the expression on his face and tell me you didn't laugh.

Remembering......

2011-08-30T07:00:00.000+01:00

A much loved grandson

Reece

Born 30th August 1990

Died 6th August 1996

on what would have been your 21st birthday

Cherished forever

Forgotten never

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #174 Raid..

2011-08-25T23:00:00.000+01:00

Cindy woke with a start.

Crash, thundering footsteps up the stairs.

The bedroom door flew open, armed police surrounded her.

"What the.....?

"Where is he, where's Jack?" they roared.

"Jack who?" she screamed.

"Jack Smart, you know who, come on where is he?" they demanded.

"Next door I imagine, in his house!"

Oops, wrong house!

Dixieland Part 10.....

2011-08-23T23:00:00.000+01:00

Our final full day in the Deep South found us heading back to Atlanta stopping at Lynchburg on the way,

where we looked round the town square

enjoying the quaint shops

and lovely buildings

even managing to pose on the veranda before heading off to the place we stopped in Lynchburg to see

The Jack Daniels Distillery -the oldest registered distillery in the U.S.

It's where Jack first crafted the recipe for Old No.7. It's where the pure, iron-free cave spring water flows.

Jack's statue outside the entrance to the spring

Inside the cave

It's where every drop of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Sipin' Whiskey is still made today.

The tour of the distillery was really interesting and the smell of the whiskey was very inviting. Unfortunately, all you are allowed to do is SMELL the whiskey because Lynchburg is located in Moore County, Tennessee which is officially a 'dry county', that means no alcoholic beverages may be sold within Moore County and we weren't allowed even a taste! The distillery is permitted to sell special collector bottles of whiskey only to tourists from outside the county but they were really expensive and as we're not collectors and just wanted to drink it we didn't bother buying any.

Continuing our journey our next stop was Chattanooga to see this..

The first Chattanooga Choo Choo Train was Cincinnati Southern Railroad's small wood burning steam locomotive that started its journey through history from Cincinnati, Ohio on March 5, 1880. Nearly all trains travelling to the South passed through Chattanooga. the wood burning "Choo Choo was the first to provide none-stop service.

A news paper reporter dubbed the huffing and puffing little steam locomotive the Chattanooga Choo Choo. Although the Chattanooga's Terminal Station was significant in its role of the train era with it's 'Track 29', little was known about the first Chattanooga Choo Choo. Only after Glen Miller's orchestra made the catchy song popular in the later 1940's did the name become world famous.

The train resides at the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel, which was the terminal station in downtown Chattanooga.

On December 1st 1909 the first train pulled into the station and the depot grew to serve nearly 50 passenger trains a day. Over the years the bustling terminal greeted Presidents Woodrow Wilson, Theodore Roosevelt and Franklin Roosevelt. Passenger train traffic slowed to a halt in the 1960's with the dominance of auto and air travel and railway activity was replaced by these faster modes of transportation. Almost 61 years after the opening, the grand old building was closed to the public when the last train stopped on August 11th 1970. The Terminal Station seemed destined for the similar fate of Union Station but it was saved by a group of local businessmen who were inspired by the theme of the "Chattanooga Choo Choo" investing $4million, and the beautiful Terminal Station once again opened its doors to welcome visitors to Chattanooga on April 11th 1973 as a unique vacation complex. The Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel is listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

Leaving Chattanooga behind we headed towards Atlanta, where our tour of the South started, to spend our last night staying at the Hotel Midtown Atlanta again. We were sad that our wonderful holiday was coming to an end but looking forward to what our final day had to offer - a tour of the World of Coca Cola and the 'Road To Tara'. I hope you'll join me for my final post about our tour of the South Dixieland Part 11.

Read Dixieland Part 1 here
Read Dixieland Part 2 here
Read Dixieland Part 3 here
Read Dixieland Part 4 here
Read Dixieland Part 5 here
Read Dixieland Part 6 here
Read Dixieland Part 7 here
Read Dixieland Part 8 here
Read Dixieland Part 9 here

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #22

2011-08-21T23:00:00.000+01:00

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is TEPID here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Amy opened her eyes, relieved to see the tepid sunshineseeping through the tiny window,

it meant she had survived another day incaptivity.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #173 Message....

2011-08-19T07:00:00.000+01:00

She kept picking her cell phone up fiddling with it.

“Are you expecting a message?” he asked.

“No, no, just trying the apps on my new phone”.

“You seem to be getting a lot of alerts” he said.

“I’m on Twitter” she said, “it’s great!”

He wished he’d never bought her the damn smart phone!

Not exactly fiction as I think this is how MWM probably feels this week. LOL

The Correct Insurance......

2011-08-17T07:01:00.000+01:00

Are you insured for sex? Make sure you get the correct insurance for the sex you are having.
Here is a list of companies catering for most tastes.

Sex with your wife/husband: Legal & General
Sex on the telephone: Direct Line
Sex with your partner: Standard Life.
Sex with someone different: Go Compare
Sex with a fat guy/bird: More Than
Sex on the back seat of a car: Sheila's Wheels
Sex with some posh guy/bird: Privileged.
Sex with a transvestite: Confused.com

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #21

2011-08-15T07:01:00.000+01:00

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is FRANTIC here's the picture and my offering using the picture and word of the week in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.

Frantic, breathless and exhausted after being chased for twohours Mr Beech collapsed in his chair,

thankful he’d escaped the woodworm army.

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #172 Great Job...

2011-08-12T06:51:00.004+01:00

It's a great job reading for a living.

I get to read all sorts - fact, fiction, maps, you name it I've probably read it.

I love smooth white paper, coloured paper is harder to read.

There's not usually any problems, but if I get stuck

they just call the photocopier engineer out to fix me.