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Friday 29 April 2011

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #162 The Wedding....



He took her hand, gazing lovingly into her eyes.


Hundreds of guests heard him say "I do".


Now it was her turn, "I do".


The vicar pronounced them Man and Wife.


At last, she thought triumphantly.


He lifted her veil and kissed her.


She opened her eyes and realised........


It had been just a dream!




Kate Middleton will have her dream wedding today when she marries her prince.   I wish them happiness.


Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 27 April 2011

Lifestyle choices......

I'm all for a healthy diet but after receiving the following photos and text in an email I'm not so sure.....



This woman is 51.


She is a TV “health guru” advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and ill health, promoting exercise, a pescetarian diet high in organic fruits and vegetables. She recommends detox diets colonic irrigation and supplements, also making statements that yeast is harmful, that the colour of food is nutritionally significant, and about the utility of lingual and faecal examination.  Her mantra is YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!



This woman is 50.



She is a TV cook, who eats nothing but meat, butter and deserts.


WTF???

Monday 25 April 2011

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #5

Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.



Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.


This week's word is QUAINT here's the picture and my offering using both the picture and the word in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.



Daisy quaintly looked over her shoulder at the huge bull.


 
There was just one thing on her mind.


 
“Buttercup, will he think my bum looks big?”

Friday 22 April 2011

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #161 The Climb....


"It's a long way up, he said, but we need water so we have no choice."


"I'll come with you" she said.


They had almost reached the top when he tripped, managing to drag her down and banging his head quite badly.


"Where's the vinegar and brown paper Jill?" said Jack, when they got home.




Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 20 April 2011

Lovely day......

The weather here is fantastic at the moment, bright sunshine and 20C and I had a lovely day yesterday!

I was wide awake at 6.30a.m., so I got up and put the lounge curtains in the wash, then after I'd had my shower I went out into the garden to cut down the daffodils that had died off.       I went to the gym for an hour then MWM and I had our lunch outside on the patio in the sunshine and spent the rest of the day reading and enjoying the garden.   My idea of heaven.

I want to show you the lovely tree, full of blossom, at the end of our grove.

If you click on the pics they should biggify.



As we spent the afternoon in the back garden today I thought I'd share what's growing there.   We have a Clematis 'Pixie' growing up a trellis at the side of our lion's head water feature which has just bloomed.


Here's a close up of the delicate 'Pixie' flowers.


Here's the two hanging baskets in the back garden.




Here's what's growing in the border along the fence between our garden and my neighbour's.


Forest Flame, Rhodedendron bush, and rambling rose. (left to right)


Roses, Daffolidls, Tulips, Lupins, Polyanthus.



Miniture Hyacinths, Acer and Mombresia nestling underneath the Lilac bush but not flowering yet.

These pots on the patio contain Mint, Basil, Marjoram, Parsley and Busy Lizzies.


And last but not least some close-ups of the Tulips, Daffs and Polyanthus.



And here's me enjoying the sunshine.


Monday 18 April 2011

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme #4...


Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.


Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

This week's word is REQUEST here's the picture and my offering using both the picture and the word in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.


I have a request for you Thomas.

You’re so good at inventing, think you can you can come up with a more comfortable deck chair than these?

Friday 15 April 2011

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #160 Precious Cargo.....


They were chasing him, trying to trip him take it away.


Heading straight for the opening, twisting, turning, so they couldn't grab him.


Almost there, he held on tight to the precious cargo.


A roar went up


as he slid over the line with the rugby ball safe in his arms and scored a try.



Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 13 April 2011

Intelligent Blonde......

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.



'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'


'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.


'Which are?' asked the blonde.


'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '?
The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'
The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'


'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'   St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.


'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'


The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'


'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'    St Peter looked at the blonde and said,

'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde. nnThis totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked

'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.'


And lo, the blonde entered Heaven...

Monday 11 April 2011

Succinctly Yours - A Microfiction Meme # 3


Grandma at Grandma's Goulash provides a picture and a word prompt for this Microfiction Meme and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.


Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.


This week's word is PROCRASTINATEand here's the picture and my offering using both the picture and the word in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.


With what he was carrying he couldn’t afford to procrastinate he had to get through security as soon as possible and get out of the airport.

Friday 8 April 2011

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #159 Funeral.......



Dawn couldn't see Toby's coffin through the tears steaming from her eyes.


Choking back a sob she pulled the children close to confort them.


Life would be so empty now.


As the coffin was lowered into the ground, her son gripped her hand and asked.....


"Can we get another dog just like Toby please Mum?"


Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Wednesday 6 April 2011

Senior citizens.........

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.   The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a  newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the  restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,'  replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember . Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that,write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A senior citizensaid to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a newhearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty..'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,

'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied,

'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Monday 4 April 2011

Succinctly Yours - A microfiction Meme #2..



In the absence of Susan at Stony River's Microfiction Monday Meme I am joining in Grandma's Goulash new microfiction Meme - Succinctly Yours.

 
Grandma provides a picture and a word prompt and the rules are use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words.


Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.


This week's word is CULPRIT and here's the picture and my offering using both the picture and the word in 140 characters, including spaces and punctuation.



Ali threw up his hands in horror at the mess on his flying carpet
but his brother Cassim captured the culprit before it did any more damage.

Friday 1 April 2011

Friday 55 Flash Fiction #158 Peeping Tom......


He tried to be quiet, didn't want to disturb them.


A chink in the curtains should he look?


He felt bad about it, but he couldn't help himself.


There they were, watching the TV.


I suppose they've shut the curtains to stop the glare on the TV screen


thought Tom as he cleaned the windows.



Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.